I'm probably not going to be okay for a while.
What would have happened, you wonder then, if El had just said that? If either of you had - I'm not okay, and I won't be for a while, and there's nothing you can do but be there? Neither of you had known how to ask for what you needed- which, ironically, tragically, was just each other.
Does Sam need you? Probably not - nobody needs you - but he needs someone. Deserves that much, and it's all you can do right now, nodding when he says he won't be okay (and who are you to blame him? You haven't been okay for a while now).
Though when he takes his hand away and stands you're left a bit bemused, blinking and watching him walk away to make tea, of all things. "Uh... okay." With your hands empty and the seat he'd occupied empty you suddenly feel very much lost, bewildered by this turn of events where he knows what to do better than you do. You hadn't even owned tea, until he came to stay.
The sensation of uselessness is creeping in again, that same insidious poison that led to you fucking up everything with El. Quick, man, do something. "Do... d'ya want me to get someone? Or anythin'? Or help?" You haven't moved from where he left you except of course to stand, scared to take a step in the wrong direction and break this tentative peace.
What would have happened, you wonder then, if El had just said that? If either of you had - I'm not okay, and I won't be for a while, and there's nothing you can do but be there? Neither of you had known how to ask for what you needed- which, ironically, tragically, was just each other.
Does Sam need you? Probably not - nobody needs you - but he needs someone. Deserves that much, and it's all you can do right now, nodding when he says he won't be okay (and who are you to blame him? You haven't been okay for a while now).
Though when he takes his hand away and stands you're left a bit bemused, blinking and watching him walk away to make tea, of all things. "Uh... okay." With your hands empty and the seat he'd occupied empty you suddenly feel very much lost, bewildered by this turn of events where he knows what to do better than you do. You hadn't even owned tea, until he came to stay.
The sensation of uselessness is creeping in again, that same insidious poison that led to you fucking up everything with El. Quick, man, do something. "Do... d'ya want me to get someone? Or anythin'? Or help?" You haven't moved from where he left you except of course to stand, scared to take a step in the wrong direction and break this tentative peace.
and in the sea that's painted black
creatures lurk below the deckbut you're my king and i'm your lionheart
creatures lurk below the deckbut you're my king and i'm your lionheart
