you don't know me, don't you think that i get lonely?
It's been a harrowing handful of weeks. Honestly, he doesn't want to be here, doesn't want to be too far away from home, for different reasons than before, though reason really doesn't matter at this point. Nate feels like he's been scoured inside, everything stripped clean and then replaced, slightly off, too much taken away without anything to replace it. No matter how uncomfortably he sits in his own body now, enough has returned to normal that he needs no more than Pemota to escort him to the shrine, a sharp and shiny volcanic rock clutched in his hand, his thumb rubbing at it's smooth surface as he slowly makes his way into the cave.
Honestly, Nate isn't sure what to expect. Isn't even really sure how to start thinking about it, though his trepidation is shown clearly in the way the starwhal winds around him, content to get close on her own terms, curling around his shoulders, his back, then fleeing out of reach when Nate moves too quickly, when he looks at her too long. He tries to not give it too much thought, to focus only on what he's come to the shrine to do, to ask for.
Some deep part of himself tells him to get on his knees, to pray properly, but it's an urge, a habit that he resists, sitting instead on the cave floor and looking up at the statue silently, trying to get his words in some kind of order before speaking, trying to narrow down everything to something witty, something snappy. Trying to crystallize all of his pain into something easy to communicate.
Nate sets down the rock, keeping his hands free now, though he still hasn't worked out his words, still doesn't know what to say. "Everything got all fucked up, huh?" His voice cracks over the words, though the slip up is hidden with a humourless laugh. Right now, it would almost feel better to not be answered, to work through his breakdown alone, until enough shame filled him that he could bury it all down and leave again. God, this had been easier when he could drink.
"Can you... tell me if he's okay? Or with you, or... whatever happens when we die?" A single blue eye lifts away from the ground, looking up at the statue, waiting to be answered or ignored. This isn't what he'd meant to ask, but he can't stop himself from letting it slip out first, before he asks for his own selfish needs.
Nate is turning in his random god encounter! thank youuuuu
Honestly, Nate isn't sure what to expect. Isn't even really sure how to start thinking about it, though his trepidation is shown clearly in the way the starwhal winds around him, content to get close on her own terms, curling around his shoulders, his back, then fleeing out of reach when Nate moves too quickly, when he looks at her too long. He tries to not give it too much thought, to focus only on what he's come to the shrine to do, to ask for.
Some deep part of himself tells him to get on his knees, to pray properly, but it's an urge, a habit that he resists, sitting instead on the cave floor and looking up at the statue silently, trying to get his words in some kind of order before speaking, trying to narrow down everything to something witty, something snappy. Trying to crystallize all of his pain into something easy to communicate.
Nate sets down the rock, keeping his hands free now, though he still hasn't worked out his words, still doesn't know what to say. "Everything got all fucked up, huh?" His voice cracks over the words, though the slip up is hidden with a humourless laugh. Right now, it would almost feel better to not be answered, to work through his breakdown alone, until enough shame filled him that he could bury it all down and leave again. God, this had been easier when he could drink.
"Can you... tell me if he's okay? Or with you, or... whatever happens when we die?" A single blue eye lifts away from the ground, looking up at the statue, waiting to be answered or ignored. This isn't what he'd meant to ask, but he can't stop himself from letting it slip out first, before he asks for his own selfish needs.
Nate is turning in his random god encounter! thank youuuuu
it gets dark inside my head
check my pulse and if i'm dead, you owe me
NATE
