my held breath fills the room with blood
hurting in ways I can't describe
Kiada is a familiar shape against her breast, and she holds her tightly there as if to keep her safe from all grief and turmoil. It's a fantastical idea; she knows that there is no evading this particular kind of pain, not when she has experienced it herself, kneeling in the snow before her parents shrine of intertwined trees and wondering why she hadn't mended bridges long before. Hotaru doesn't have any words of comfort for any of them. She has stood in their shoes, all of them; she has lost sister, lover, and mother. No words could have comforted her then, and she does not try and find new ones for her family now. This was something they would have to struggle through together, step by miserable step.
Gently releasing Kiada for her goodbyes, she lingers in wait, watching as everyone says their goodbyes. She isn't ready. There will never be a good time for this, for the finality of last words. Hotaru knows they won't be final, not really. Knows she will speak to Rexanna in some manner akin to prayer, will always keep her alive in her own heart. But there is still a sense of goodbye here that looms above her, oppressive and unforgiving. It makes every heartbeat sluggish, and though her steps do no falter as she moves towards the pyre she feels as if she's walking through tar. Swimming in an endless ocean, searching for the one person who had always kept her afloat, and realizing in this final moment that she never will now.
Leaning over the shroud, she presses her forehead to her sister's shoulder. "You were the light that consoled me in all of my storms. I don't know what I will do without you, beloved." A hand lifts to gently press over Rexanna's heart. "You were the first and truest friend I ever had, and nothing can ever replace that. I will carry you in my soul until I breathe my last. I will love you for as long as my spirit remembers your smile." She thought she had no more tears to cry, but they come now, unexpected and hot against her cheeks as they fall. "I loved you as I've loved no other. And I never shall again. My sister, my confidant, my soulmate." Her shoulders shake as the whispered words shudder and crack. "I am yours, eternally. And you will never truly die, for I will love and remember you always." Lifting away, she brushes away her tears and turns away before she gives into the notion of climbing up there beside her to be carried away where they might reunite. Moving this time to Deimos' side, to tuck herself at his shoulder and let their shared grief unite them for a moment more.
Gently releasing Kiada for her goodbyes, she lingers in wait, watching as everyone says their goodbyes. She isn't ready. There will never be a good time for this, for the finality of last words. Hotaru knows they won't be final, not really. Knows she will speak to Rexanna in some manner akin to prayer, will always keep her alive in her own heart. But there is still a sense of goodbye here that looms above her, oppressive and unforgiving. It makes every heartbeat sluggish, and though her steps do no falter as she moves towards the pyre she feels as if she's walking through tar. Swimming in an endless ocean, searching for the one person who had always kept her afloat, and realizing in this final moment that she never will now.
Leaning over the shroud, she presses her forehead to her sister's shoulder. "You were the light that consoled me in all of my storms. I don't know what I will do without you, beloved." A hand lifts to gently press over Rexanna's heart. "You were the first and truest friend I ever had, and nothing can ever replace that. I will carry you in my soul until I breathe my last. I will love you for as long as my spirit remembers your smile." She thought she had no more tears to cry, but they come now, unexpected and hot against her cheeks as they fall. "I loved you as I've loved no other. And I never shall again. My sister, my confidant, my soulmate." Her shoulders shake as the whispered words shudder and crack. "I am yours, eternally. And you will never truly die, for I will love and remember you always." Lifting away, she brushes away her tears and turns away before she gives into the notion of climbing up there beside her to be carried away where they might reunite. Moving this time to Deimos' side, to tuck herself at his shoulder and let their shared grief unite them for a moment more.
my heart bends and breaks
so many, many times
HOTARU
