emptiness in harmony

evie The kind of flawless I wish I could be The reluctance is shared, but ever since accepting her new role Evie has felt reluctant to linger too long in motions such as these. Feeling constantly hounded by the days that draw out in the wake of LongNight, aware that there is still so much to be done, to achieve, and so few hours in each day to accomplish them. How can she linger in her sister's arms and take comfort while her people mull about, uncertain and waiting for guidance in the wake of Rexanna's death? There is so much more to consider than her own feelings now, and though she can already tell it's a regret she'll have long into the future, all Evie has ever wanted is to help her people. If that means removing comfort and care from her own days, it's a sacrifice she's willing to make. Even if it hurts to impose that sacrifice upon Amalia as well, unwilling participant as she is. A flush of pleasure suffuses her freckled cheeks all the same, tactless or not. "Your support means more than anyone else's, Amalia. I just hope I don't prove you wrong." That she doesn't show herself foolish to have been the only one to raise her voice, to throw her name into the empty ring, only to be proven weak and insufficient as a ruler. "All we can do now is try our best. I've...I've already asked Deimos to continue in his role as General. I know it wasn't an easy question, nor decision on his behalf, and I know asking even remotely the same of you is just as cruel in the wake of what happened during LongNight." She pushes back her fiery hair with a stray hand, lines in the corners of her eyes tight with stress and trying to build a council on the backs of those already too weary to continue on. But it ties into what she has already admitted, confessed, and she can't back away now. "I have prayed every season, every year of my life. I have not spoken ill of your Gods, because they care for you, they have sheltered and raised you in ways I never could as your sister. But they still refuse to even give me a chance, Amalia. Year after year of fealty, of hope, of desperation. Nothing but silence. I...I have given up. Even if they met me now, likely only because of my connection to you, I would not be able to respect them." Because she knows in her heart that Amalia would offer. That she would accompany Evie to any shrine, to try and use her own sway to get Evie into the graces of the Gods. But it is Evie, now, who is the rock in this equation. The faultering force. "I never asked to be born Abandoned. I hid my magic, I tried to atone. How can I follow them when they are so cruel and biased? When I have done nothing but praise and worship them with every breath?" Blue eyes close in a pained grimace, aware of the transgressions she's making, the blasphemy Amalia is sure to equate her words to. "I was desperate enough to even consider having Sam introduce me to The Voice. To at least discern for myself her personality, her plans. Instead, she revealed my magic, my race, to Sam without ever asking my permission. Even The Voice would rather harm me than endear me to her, do you see?" Turning away from the counter so that her back is to it, she pushes both hands into her hair to cradle her own face, fighting back tears of both stress and dismay. Evie has fought for so long, and for what? Silence. Favoritism shown to both her siblings on separate sides, only driving her family further apart while she remains an untouched island in the middle of it all. Trying to keep them together and failing at every turn. "I can't ignore their existence as Queen. Though I may strive to never deal with them personally now, I won't forsake our people because of my decision. And...I know your path may take you elsewhere, but I wanted to ask you first, if you would be an Oracle in my court. If you would even be interested, to be that link between the Grounds and the Gods. To be what I can't be now."