Evie
i'll plant a row of daisy seeds
in the space beneath each eye
in the space beneath each eye
Evie holds her tongue and watches it all dissolve into chaos, calmly draining yet another glass of wine. As the shouting begins to rise, she closes her eyes, and in a moment she's in a house far from here. The voices that scream and spit hatred are still familiar to her, but their tones do not belong to her siblings. This is as familiar to her as breathing. The wilting of her shoulders, the magma of rage in her breast that burns away all sense and reason, the white-knuckled clench of her hands around her glass. Until finally she stands, chair screeching loudly before it topples, and Evie just barely refrains from shattering the glass upon the floor. Restrains herself from using her magic to forcefully shove her siblings into their chairs and keep them there.
"You are a murderer Samuel," she says with a voice like death, calm and unwavering. Her eyes are blank and shadowed. How she is keeping her infamous temper down, even Evie doesn't know. Everything just...doesn't seem to fucking matter. "If you still lived in the Grounds, I would arrest you, regardless of our blood, because your guilt is undeniable." So stated because that's all these two care about. Blood, kinship, family. Already they've gone at each other's throats on the meaning of the word alone. Ascended family versus some sham of an idea of 'real family'. Amalia falls childishly prey to it just the same, if not arguably worse than Sam. But Evie? Evie can't involve herself in that battle anymore. She's the fucking Queen, Gods damn her for taking the position, and her people have to matter more than any blood in her veins. "You elevated the Ascended over the safety and continued life of everyone in the Grounds. I had to sit behind that damnable door and sentence Millicent Scotch and her babies to death because of you. You are the reason I will have those nightmares. You are the reason those children will never grow up. All because you couldn't move past your infamous cowardice to even fucking try to put an end to this cycle of misery."
This is her final stand, it feels. Letting loose all she thinks, all she has held inside and let spoil and ferment like a poison she can't suck out. How long has she suffered, silent and compliant beneath the hands of her parents? How long has she been caught between them and her twin? How long has she tried to mediate, desperately refusing to take sides between Amalia and Sam? "I would have done it. Do you get that? If I were in your shoes, I would have risked myself, you, Amalia, Deimos, everyone I consider family if it meant destroying the monsters once and for all. I would have tried, and taken my last breath, knowing that I did everything I could to save our friends and family. It's called sacrifice." If this doesn't get through to him to show him his wrongness, what else will? "Don't you dare try and hide behind Safrin's name and cast the blame away onto your shoddy attempt at making up for your mistake. Don't you dare throw yours and Amalia's ridiculous fucking war of racial opinions in our faces to hide away from the fact that your cowardice killed OUR PEOPLE!" Finally the calm breaks, and she shouts the last bit, face going immediately red and removing all evidence of her freckles in the tsunami of color that overtakes her skin. Like a boiling kettle, she has finally reached the whistling point, and she feels the heat on her skin like steel bars. Confined and trapped.
She tries to pause to give her breathing time to adjust before she continues, but it refuses to calm from the hyperventilation it has accelerated into. Tears begin to drip down her cheeks, and she wipes them away with her palms roughly, though they continue regardless. An expression of empathy and grief that she is ashamed to display. A weakness she can't fight. "I've tried and tried to mediate between you two since we were kids. I've tried to see both your sides. You two put me through hell every single day, a tug-of-war between right and wrong, old and new gods. But this? This has no sides, there is no grey area. You're a murderer Sam, and I am disgusted by you." She can't even look at him. Gods, she can't. He's her little brother, and he's the reason her people are dead. Evie's shaking hand comes to lay over her eyes, tears slipping out beneath, and she turns away from the table to walk a few unsteady paces sightlessly. Knowing that he will pipe up again with his own pitiful defenses, knowing that her job as big sister is to stay here and mediate. To try to keep the peace.
But what peace even remains? Evie has no place on either side of this war. And she is so, so tired.
"You are a murderer Samuel," she says with a voice like death, calm and unwavering. Her eyes are blank and shadowed. How she is keeping her infamous temper down, even Evie doesn't know. Everything just...doesn't seem to fucking matter. "If you still lived in the Grounds, I would arrest you, regardless of our blood, because your guilt is undeniable." So stated because that's all these two care about. Blood, kinship, family. Already they've gone at each other's throats on the meaning of the word alone. Ascended family versus some sham of an idea of 'real family'. Amalia falls childishly prey to it just the same, if not arguably worse than Sam. But Evie? Evie can't involve herself in that battle anymore. She's the fucking Queen, Gods damn her for taking the position, and her people have to matter more than any blood in her veins. "You elevated the Ascended over the safety and continued life of everyone in the Grounds. I had to sit behind that damnable door and sentence Millicent Scotch and her babies to death because of you. You are the reason I will have those nightmares. You are the reason those children will never grow up. All because you couldn't move past your infamous cowardice to even fucking try to put an end to this cycle of misery."
This is her final stand, it feels. Letting loose all she thinks, all she has held inside and let spoil and ferment like a poison she can't suck out. How long has she suffered, silent and compliant beneath the hands of her parents? How long has she been caught between them and her twin? How long has she tried to mediate, desperately refusing to take sides between Amalia and Sam? "I would have done it. Do you get that? If I were in your shoes, I would have risked myself, you, Amalia, Deimos, everyone I consider family if it meant destroying the monsters once and for all. I would have tried, and taken my last breath, knowing that I did everything I could to save our friends and family. It's called sacrifice." If this doesn't get through to him to show him his wrongness, what else will? "Don't you dare try and hide behind Safrin's name and cast the blame away onto your shoddy attempt at making up for your mistake. Don't you dare throw yours and Amalia's ridiculous fucking war of racial opinions in our faces to hide away from the fact that your cowardice killed OUR PEOPLE!" Finally the calm breaks, and she shouts the last bit, face going immediately red and removing all evidence of her freckles in the tsunami of color that overtakes her skin. Like a boiling kettle, she has finally reached the whistling point, and she feels the heat on her skin like steel bars. Confined and trapped.
She tries to pause to give her breathing time to adjust before she continues, but it refuses to calm from the hyperventilation it has accelerated into. Tears begin to drip down her cheeks, and she wipes them away with her palms roughly, though they continue regardless. An expression of empathy and grief that she is ashamed to display. A weakness she can't fight. "I've tried and tried to mediate between you two since we were kids. I've tried to see both your sides. You two put me through hell every single day, a tug-of-war between right and wrong, old and new gods. But this? This has no sides, there is no grey area. You're a murderer Sam, and I am disgusted by you." She can't even look at him. Gods, she can't. He's her little brother, and he's the reason her people are dead. Evie's shaking hand comes to lay over her eyes, tears slipping out beneath, and she turns away from the table to walk a few unsteady paces sightlessly. Knowing that he will pipe up again with his own pitiful defenses, knowing that her job as big sister is to stay here and mediate. To try to keep the peace.
But what peace even remains? Evie has no place on either side of this war. And she is so, so tired.
so they'll remind you of your beauty
when they bloom each time you cry
when they bloom each time you cry
