NATE
The stillness lingers beneath him, refuses to bloom into motion, into the warmth he'd been leeching. Hands trembling now, Nate's fingers search for Sunjata's throat, searching for a pulse, a beat that he cannot find, though the barest trickle of blood from the wounds he's made stains his fingers, the faint stickiness undeniable. A low, panicked whine rings in his ears before Nate registers that it's coming from his own throat, and all at once the urge to open his eyes is undeniable.
But he doesn't open them into his bedroom. Doesn't open them to see Sunjata.
Instead of a warm darkness, the comfortable tangle of blankets, Nate sees white walls. Sees a white bed, with a too still body in it. Sees a face more familiar than his own, gaunt and still, cold and waxy. The noise still pouring from him is choked off suddenly, all of him going still, held tight as whispers begin to caress him again, clearer than they've ever been before, closer than they've ever been before. He can almost feel them, pressing in like hands, holding him still, keeping him pinned in place, staring down at his worst memory.
Hands fall away first, slipping like dead weight away from cold skin, a precursor to the sudden limpness that infects all of Nate, his form crumpling slowly until finally, his forehead rests on a still chest, his eye wide but unseeing, tears making his already limited vision swim. It feels as if he moves very slowly, as if the world moves very slowly. Feels like hours have passed before finally, the pain swirling in his chest builds up to the point that Nate can't hold it anymore. A long sob leaves him, making his body shake, his hands grasping for something, for nothing.
"P-Please." It's breathless, gasped out only because he can't choke on it. "I c-can't... can't do this again. Please." Whatever god will listen to him, Nate will follow, whatever force can keep him from this heartbreak again, he will devote himself to for the rest of his waking life. There is a part of him that isn't sure who he's lost still, but it tears away the same pieces of him, the parts that trust, that love. The parts that he'd so stubbornly ignored, until recently.
But he doesn't open them into his bedroom. Doesn't open them to see Sunjata.
Instead of a warm darkness, the comfortable tangle of blankets, Nate sees white walls. Sees a white bed, with a too still body in it. Sees a face more familiar than his own, gaunt and still, cold and waxy. The noise still pouring from him is choked off suddenly, all of him going still, held tight as whispers begin to caress him again, clearer than they've ever been before, closer than they've ever been before. He can almost feel them, pressing in like hands, holding him still, keeping him pinned in place, staring down at his worst memory.
Hands fall away first, slipping like dead weight away from cold skin, a precursor to the sudden limpness that infects all of Nate, his form crumpling slowly until finally, his forehead rests on a still chest, his eye wide but unseeing, tears making his already limited vision swim. It feels as if he moves very slowly, as if the world moves very slowly. Feels like hours have passed before finally, the pain swirling in his chest builds up to the point that Nate can't hold it anymore. A long sob leaves him, making his body shake, his hands grasping for something, for nothing.
"P-Please." It's breathless, gasped out only because he can't choke on it. "I c-can't... can't do this again. Please." Whatever god will listen to him, Nate will follow, whatever force can keep him from this heartbreak again, he will devote himself to for the rest of his waking life. There is a part of him that isn't sure who he's lost still, but it tears away the same pieces of him, the parts that trust, that love. The parts that he'd so stubbornly ignored, until recently.
The streets are only empty when I need someoneThere's nothing to see here, move along!
