Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away
She turned back sharply at that, mouth open and ready to protest. It was being force away from him that had hurt her most! But he pressed on, kept speaking and Maea forced herself to stillness, to listen without interrupting. It wasn't easy. He kept hammering down how she hadn't been there. That's all she heard - you weren't there - like it wasn't partially of his own doing, like he hadn't been the one to call for distance, for the break. Instead, Nate. There to pick up the pieces with no reservations. Hurrah. It made her wonder; were they really that perfect for one another, or was Nate just better at keeping his mouth shut about his boundaries than she had been? And then Sunjata delivered the most pig-brained, self-centered and callous remark she had ever heard come off his lips. The urge to slap him came so quickly that only the hurt cutting through her core made it possible to hold back. But she stiffened visibly, eyes flashing as she half turned to face him fully.
Anger or pain? Anger or pain... let's go with both.
"We will never find out, will we," she said stiffly, so intent on not raising her voice that the tone grew far colder than she meant it. "It seems you blame me for many things. That's fine, I probably earned some of it. But don't forget that I only stepped away from you because you wanted a break. I am sorry that you suffered, that I wasn't there, but don't kid yourself into thinking I left because I could not handle you." She stood up, precariously balanced on the uneven rocks. Her foothold were so much lower than the seat that she ended up almost at eye-height with Sunjata anyway. "You make it sound like my love or lack of it is the only deciding factor here. It's not. I stayed with you because I wanted to, and I went on that stupid expedition because that's what I decided to do. Now I've come back from death for me, because I decided it was what I wished. Not to sweep in and pick up where we left off - it's perfectly clear to me how impossible that would be. The only thing I really wanted from you was to tie off loose ends. And know whether you still want me around or not." She made a frustrated gesture with her arms that nearly had her falling backwards off the ledge. Teetering for a moment, Maea regained balance but had lost momentum with what she was saying. Much too worked up, and afraid that she had just sparked another stupid argument.
Anger or pain? Anger or pain... let's go with both.
"We will never find out, will we," she said stiffly, so intent on not raising her voice that the tone grew far colder than she meant it. "It seems you blame me for many things. That's fine, I probably earned some of it. But don't forget that I only stepped away from you because you wanted a break. I am sorry that you suffered, that I wasn't there, but don't kid yourself into thinking I left because I could not handle you." She stood up, precariously balanced on the uneven rocks. Her foothold were so much lower than the seat that she ended up almost at eye-height with Sunjata anyway. "You make it sound like my love or lack of it is the only deciding factor here. It's not. I stayed with you because I wanted to, and I went on that stupid expedition because that's what I decided to do. Now I've come back from death for me, because I decided it was what I wished. Not to sweep in and pick up where we left off - it's perfectly clear to me how impossible that would be. The only thing I really wanted from you was to tie off loose ends. And know whether you still want me around or not." She made a frustrated gesture with her arms that nearly had her falling backwards off the ledge. Teetering for a moment, Maea regained balance but had lost momentum with what she was saying. Much too worked up, and afraid that she had just sparked another stupid argument.
