i'll turn myself into a gun, because it's all i have, because i'm hungry and hollow
It’s the first night.
Since it happened.
Some unrecognizable voice in Nate’s head tells him the first night will be the hardest. He recognizes it as the same voice that had whispered that he’d get used to the tides too.
He thinks maybe he wants it to be hard. Thinks he wants it to keep being hard. That was just his lot, wasn’t it? Fuck, even this had been because he’d come back early, because he’d though for a moment something pulls be easy. That he could have an easy few days wrapped up with his family, finally settling again.
What a stupid thought.
Hotaru lays beside him and he wonders if he could leave the room before she noticed. His body still trembles, just slightly, when he moves too fast, and he still feels the sharp ache of hunger in every bit of him. He doesn’t need to be fast if he’s quiet though.
Nate sits up, painfully slowly, and shifts, trying to plan his next move, to get past the slumbering shape of his wife, and Pemota. Past Haai. Pauses, like he’s not quite sure how to continue, if he really wants to anymore.
Since it happened.
Some unrecognizable voice in Nate’s head tells him the first night will be the hardest. He recognizes it as the same voice that had whispered that he’d get used to the tides too.
He thinks maybe he wants it to be hard. Thinks he wants it to keep being hard. That was just his lot, wasn’t it? Fuck, even this had been because he’d come back early, because he’d though for a moment something pulls be easy. That he could have an easy few days wrapped up with his family, finally settling again.
What a stupid thought.
Hotaru lays beside him and he wonders if he could leave the room before she noticed. His body still trembles, just slightly, when he moves too fast, and he still feels the sharp ache of hunger in every bit of him. He doesn’t need to be fast if he’s quiet though.
Nate sits up, painfully slowly, and shifts, trying to plan his next move, to get past the slumbering shape of his wife, and Pemota. Past Haai. Pauses, like he’s not quite sure how to continue, if he really wants to anymore.
and just want something to call my own
NATE
