RONIN
the darkstar
light is easy to love.
"Horseshit." Ronin doesn't mean for it to come out as bluntly and roughly as that, but the tears that try to close his throat make it impossible. He fumbles for something in a drawer beside his cot, tossing it down beside Remi where it lands with a thump. A leather-bound sketchbook, since his other is left somewhere in the Greatwood. And within? Memories, mostly, of their days in Torchline, but there are some recent experiences too. Remi reflected in firelight from that first 'date' they'd had; footprints in the sand; the look on Remi's face while he's examining the underside of the skyboat; water running from sleek feathers; their hands clasped around mulled cider.
"If that's just a ghost, then you're a better liar than I'll ever be, and there really is nowhere to go from here," he manages, his elbows braced against his knees at the edge of the bed, a shoulder coming up to wipe again at his cheeks. "I think I was wrong to ever make such a big statement like that," he admits. "I love all of you... it just gave you an excuse not to make boundaries for yourself."
Sniffing, Ronin sits up now. "Because you've been many things in your life, Remi, but you've never been a cruel man. And what I saw when we were locked in that dream with Sunjata? That was cruel. You are meant to bring peace before death, to let people die without suffering. And you made him suffer. That's not Ludo's influence on you, that's all your own making."
The Star lets out a shuddering breath. "So maybe a better way of saying it now is that I love you. Because I do - so, so much. But I haven't been fair to you, not bringing up the things that I think cross lines. You don't love my carelessness or my lack of communication with you. I don't love your cruelty."
"If that's just a ghost, then you're a better liar than I'll ever be, and there really is nowhere to go from here," he manages, his elbows braced against his knees at the edge of the bed, a shoulder coming up to wipe again at his cheeks. "I think I was wrong to ever make such a big statement like that," he admits. "I love all of you... it just gave you an excuse not to make boundaries for yourself."
Sniffing, Ronin sits up now. "Because you've been many things in your life, Remi, but you've never been a cruel man. And what I saw when we were locked in that dream with Sunjata? That was cruel. You are meant to bring peace before death, to let people die without suffering. And you made him suffer. That's not Ludo's influence on you, that's all your own making."
The Star lets out a shuddering breath. "So maybe a better way of saying it now is that I love you. Because I do - so, so much. But I haven't been fair to you, not bringing up the things that I think cross lines. You don't love my carelessness or my lack of communication with you. I don't love your cruelty."
show me your darkness.
