right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up
& right now all your dreams are waking up
Hearing the stirring of hope in his husband's voice causes a flutter that's as painful as it is beautiful to ruffle its wings in Remi's chest. "It...it feels like everything always has to be perfect, to make up for how un-perfect our lives actually are. It feels like I can't ever be upset, or not-okay with you, or else it ruins what little time we have together." Exhaling in such a way as to cause his cheeks to puff out, Remi closes his eyes. "That's what I meant about it starting back at the blight. Ever since you were sick, we started to try and make up for the time we lost. And then there was Aoife..and Torchline, and being Governor, and then I was sick, and then we were apart, and...its felt like we just keep pretending this isn't actually our lives, but just a pause before we get back to being us." Falling silent, Ronin ever the more eloquent of the two, Remi just swallows and lets his head hang.
'I wanted to kill him.' Remi admits. 'I can't not. Not when it's so easy. When everything inside of me craves that sort of violence.' How can you possibly love me? The alchemist wonders silently, tears stinging his eyes anew. "No, and maybe it wasn't, but.." Pushing his fingers against his closed eyelids, Remi bites the inside of his cheek that he might temper the words he's going to say with some sort of reason. But he doesn't know how to say what he feels with any sort of grace or composure, and so for a long time, he just sits, glaring at the floor and clenching his teeth together
"I don't know if it all started when you dreamed with Sunjata when he was a boy, but your need to make him okay is..." Fuck, that wasn't how he meant to start things. "It can't keep coming at my expense." Truthfully Remi doesn't know if it's jealousy at this point, but even if it is, Ronin is right in that they can't keep hiding how they feel. "You made sure he was alright before you even went to Vai." Remi points out, as if that mattersor is fair, since you know, both your characters. "While I just got a hug, and are you okay? no? oh well. Sunjata and I were able to talk things through in about 5 minutes without you there needing to vilify me and be his saviour." That comes out a far more curt than Remi would ever had intended, but gods if the memory of how Ronin had acted wasn't still a bright and blistering thing.
'I wanted to kill him.' Remi admits. 'I can't not. Not when it's so easy. When everything inside of me craves that sort of violence.' How can you possibly love me? The alchemist wonders silently, tears stinging his eyes anew. "No, and maybe it wasn't, but.." Pushing his fingers against his closed eyelids, Remi bites the inside of his cheek that he might temper the words he's going to say with some sort of reason. But he doesn't know how to say what he feels with any sort of grace or composure, and so for a long time, he just sits, glaring at the floor and clenching his teeth together
"I don't know if it all started when you dreamed with Sunjata when he was a boy, but your need to make him okay is..." Fuck, that wasn't how he meant to start things. "It can't keep coming at my expense." Truthfully Remi doesn't know if it's jealousy at this point, but even if it is, Ronin is right in that they can't keep hiding how they feel. "You made sure he was alright before you even went to Vai." Remi points out, as if that matters
The Lullaby
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
