Jigano couldn’t help but tilt his head curiously as the boy’s dislike and simmering resentment finally came to a head, gushing out in a torrent of sharp words, finding himself more bemused than angry at realizing how completely the pup had misjudged him. ”Ahhh, I see. You have never seen a stranger and wanted to help them before you were friends with them, so you have trouble understanding that, when you seemed so unhappy, I wanted to offer what meager aid I could. I was still learning about this world, still trying to find a place I could fit into the fabric of this land. But I know people, Remi, and I know pain and loss. I wanted to help you with that experience, when I could barely help myself… and perhaps, yes, that was a mistake. I should have withheld attempts to reach out, as you seem to be saying you would do. I should focus only on those I already know and have built trust and friendships with… except, of course, not all of us were so lucky as to appear with all those helpful little networks and relationships intact. I did not intend to come off as callous, and I know that nothing I said was ‘off-hand’ as you keep insisting. But, since we agree that intentions matter less than results, I will apologize for causing you distress when I had only intended the opposite.” He spoke quietly, gently, though he dared not bow with how his head was pounding. Instead he offered a small, careful nod of acknowledgment.
”Admittedly, I didn’t ‘suggest’ you attack the boggart,” he continued dryly, looking up again. ”I ordered that – and I appreciate that you did so. I will apologize for that, too, if you wish, though I will give you fair warning that I would do the same again in that situation. My… past is not without violence, and when I traveled with companions through dangerous areas they relied on me to strategize and coordinate our teamwork. In that moment, I considered you someone I could rely on, a teammate I could work with – and someone I wished to protect and have capable of retreating quickly if the creature proved too much for us. I reacted accordingly, on an impulse that saved my life and the lives of others on many occasions. But if I had not given that order, Remi, I am curious – what would you have chosen to do? Did you take my ‘suggestion’ in that moment in spite of a different plan you had already formed, or because it was already in line with your own instincts?” He sighed, squeezing the handle of the lantern as he fought the urge to grit his teeth. Remi’s youth was more apparent with every moment, his stubbornness more and more obvious. And Jigano… well. The boy did not know him, did not want to know him, and had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with him. ”I am grateful that you granted me that favor,” he said, voice controlled and soft, ”though you were the one to bury the creature in the first place, without worrying about my reactions or desires. As high-handed and abrupt as any lord, until I confronted you on the short-sightedness of it. As you have made this decision for Sam, without speaking to him first. I am not the only one who acts as though I know better than others.” A wry spark of humor in the weary darkness of his heart, at that thought. Something they had in common. A pity it was a flaw, and not a strength.
”Archebold? Really? I didn’t catch his name when he snuck up on me at the Bridge when I was alone and mourning my lost ones, and lovingly described how he would give me a slow, painful death,” the bard responded dryly. ”Usually I appreciate introductions, perhaps flowers, before that sort of thing, so you might understand why I find him an unforgivably rude and dangerously unhinged predator, rather than a potential friend.” Given that he had been the only Ascended there that day, and that the other appellations that Jigano gave him in the privacy in his own thoughts were far worse, he had gone with one of the more neutral descriptors he could of the man… though since Remi was already assuming the worst about him, he doubted there was any way to convince the boy otherwise. ”From the responses of the others there, they feel similarly. You’ve made it clear that you don’t trust me – but since you claim to at least trust them perhaps you should ask their opinions of him?” He raised a brow, but only briefly before the pain in his temple smoothed the expression out again. ”Since you once again seem to insist on putting words in my mouth, I don’t see anything else I could say on the matter. I didn’t suggest ostracizing him – that was all you, just now. I was more concerned that, as much as I dislike him, you were the one to abuse his apparent trust and friendship in you to fling him at the barrier like one of your other magic weapons. Whether you intended it or not, it looked like you were punishing him for what he said to Vervain. Though, I admit, I would rather a friend ask me to leave a gathering where I was unwelcome than have them ask me to spend my life and pain in a fit of pique.” Again the brow twitched, but this time he controlled the reaction and simply shook his head. ”Ahhh yes, again that deflection. You asked him to do something, but when he does it and is hurt because of it, it’s his fault for trying to do as you ask, and none of yours.”
Ahh her name was Zariah, then? Jigano tilted his head, nodding thoughtfully at the name and tucking it away along with Archebold’s. ”Are you sure they never felt guilt when they had to attack you?” he asked gently. ”Maybe that is true, but in my experience, when you have to hurt a friend even for their own good or your own defense, when they are being controlled by another… it does hurt, and there is regret and guilt afterwards, however illogical. The heart is not so simple a thing, Remi. Or would you feel no pain if Vervain, say, put on Ludo’s mask and began lashing out, and you had to strike her with blade or claw to remove it? Would seeing the scar you left on her truly leave you untouched?” He hoped not. He hoped the boy was not so cold. But he had been wrong about him before.
”I heard several curses as we watched, but most people looked too rooted in disbelief that you were doing such a thing to move to stop it,” the bard said dryly. ”But you were too focused on your course to pay mind to them. I do wonder: did you ask anyone else about the mask before that day? And what their reactions or advice were?” Or was it any different than this upgrade he wanted to give to Sam – something put on without considering consequences for himself or anyone else? Aside, of course, from ‘I’ll make my loved ones hurt me to get it off if it turns out to be a trick.’
The bard remembered the day in the maze just as clearly, and knew that Remi was the one who had offered no response to his gentle prodding that perhaps Sam might want something different, so the bard had stopped pushing… how strange, that his advice was only wanted, it seemed, when he respected the very boundaries Remi put up to avoid it. ”Rest assured, I shall not burden you with it, then,” he said dryly of his praise instead. He doubted they would be speaking much at all after this, so he doubted it would come up again any time soon.
”From all that we have seen and learned in that meeting, common sense would indicate that we need to enter the spire and reach the top from inside,” he continued, voice no less dry. ”Your stunt was, luckily, harmless, but if your methods were like those at the barrier I have reason to worry. No controls on the experiment, no protection for those who might have been caught in backblasts… I saw no reason, when we began, to think that the barrier would only return the attacks on the caster and not over a widespread area. Why should I think your assault on the top of the spire would prove any more well-thought out?”
Gods least fortunate, the pup’s widened eyes and confusion only made the simile more apt, and he almost laughed. He was in too much pain for that however, and merely snorted softly. ”I wish you could see yourself right now,” he murmured. ”Focusing on toss-away comments like some kind of ‘gotcha’ even while you embody them all the more. Well. You are right that I should never have agreed to come with you today or any other. You have expressed no interest in getting to know me, of learning about my world or anything other than what you had already decided about me… How many questions have you considered asking? Shown curiosity for? You talk about yourself and then say I can’t possible understand you. Meanwhile you seem to have formed your opinion of me, possibly even from our first meeting, considering how you keep going back to that, based on far less.” He curled his fingers more tightly around the lantern, trying to work a bit of feeling into them when he realized they had gone numb. He wished his heart would do the same… it was already well on its way, after this conversation. ”You will assume what you like, you have made that plain,” he said tiredly. ”And I can argue and try to correct you about my own words until I am hoarse with it, and it won’t change your stubborn assumptions, will it? If you don’t mind then, young lordling, I’ll leave you to your cherished misconceptions of me and be on my way.”
”Admittedly, I didn’t ‘suggest’ you attack the boggart,” he continued dryly, looking up again. ”I ordered that – and I appreciate that you did so. I will apologize for that, too, if you wish, though I will give you fair warning that I would do the same again in that situation. My… past is not without violence, and when I traveled with companions through dangerous areas they relied on me to strategize and coordinate our teamwork. In that moment, I considered you someone I could rely on, a teammate I could work with – and someone I wished to protect and have capable of retreating quickly if the creature proved too much for us. I reacted accordingly, on an impulse that saved my life and the lives of others on many occasions. But if I had not given that order, Remi, I am curious – what would you have chosen to do? Did you take my ‘suggestion’ in that moment in spite of a different plan you had already formed, or because it was already in line with your own instincts?” He sighed, squeezing the handle of the lantern as he fought the urge to grit his teeth. Remi’s youth was more apparent with every moment, his stubbornness more and more obvious. And Jigano… well. The boy did not know him, did not want to know him, and had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with him. ”I am grateful that you granted me that favor,” he said, voice controlled and soft, ”though you were the one to bury the creature in the first place, without worrying about my reactions or desires. As high-handed and abrupt as any lord, until I confronted you on the short-sightedness of it. As you have made this decision for Sam, without speaking to him first. I am not the only one who acts as though I know better than others.” A wry spark of humor in the weary darkness of his heart, at that thought. Something they had in common. A pity it was a flaw, and not a strength.
”Archebold? Really? I didn’t catch his name when he snuck up on me at the Bridge when I was alone and mourning my lost ones, and lovingly described how he would give me a slow, painful death,” the bard responded dryly. ”Usually I appreciate introductions, perhaps flowers, before that sort of thing, so you might understand why I find him an unforgivably rude and dangerously unhinged predator, rather than a potential friend.” Given that he had been the only Ascended there that day, and that the other appellations that Jigano gave him in the privacy in his own thoughts were far worse, he had gone with one of the more neutral descriptors he could of the man… though since Remi was already assuming the worst about him, he doubted there was any way to convince the boy otherwise. ”From the responses of the others there, they feel similarly. You’ve made it clear that you don’t trust me – but since you claim to at least trust them perhaps you should ask their opinions of him?” He raised a brow, but only briefly before the pain in his temple smoothed the expression out again. ”Since you once again seem to insist on putting words in my mouth, I don’t see anything else I could say on the matter. I didn’t suggest ostracizing him – that was all you, just now. I was more concerned that, as much as I dislike him, you were the one to abuse his apparent trust and friendship in you to fling him at the barrier like one of your other magic weapons. Whether you intended it or not, it looked like you were punishing him for what he said to Vervain. Though, I admit, I would rather a friend ask me to leave a gathering where I was unwelcome than have them ask me to spend my life and pain in a fit of pique.” Again the brow twitched, but this time he controlled the reaction and simply shook his head. ”Ahhh yes, again that deflection. You asked him to do something, but when he does it and is hurt because of it, it’s his fault for trying to do as you ask, and none of yours.”
Ahh her name was Zariah, then? Jigano tilted his head, nodding thoughtfully at the name and tucking it away along with Archebold’s. ”Are you sure they never felt guilt when they had to attack you?” he asked gently. ”Maybe that is true, but in my experience, when you have to hurt a friend even for their own good or your own defense, when they are being controlled by another… it does hurt, and there is regret and guilt afterwards, however illogical. The heart is not so simple a thing, Remi. Or would you feel no pain if Vervain, say, put on Ludo’s mask and began lashing out, and you had to strike her with blade or claw to remove it? Would seeing the scar you left on her truly leave you untouched?” He hoped not. He hoped the boy was not so cold. But he had been wrong about him before.
”I heard several curses as we watched, but most people looked too rooted in disbelief that you were doing such a thing to move to stop it,” the bard said dryly. ”But you were too focused on your course to pay mind to them. I do wonder: did you ask anyone else about the mask before that day? And what their reactions or advice were?” Or was it any different than this upgrade he wanted to give to Sam – something put on without considering consequences for himself or anyone else? Aside, of course, from ‘I’ll make my loved ones hurt me to get it off if it turns out to be a trick.’
The bard remembered the day in the maze just as clearly, and knew that Remi was the one who had offered no response to his gentle prodding that perhaps Sam might want something different, so the bard had stopped pushing… how strange, that his advice was only wanted, it seemed, when he respected the very boundaries Remi put up to avoid it. ”Rest assured, I shall not burden you with it, then,” he said dryly of his praise instead. He doubted they would be speaking much at all after this, so he doubted it would come up again any time soon.
”From all that we have seen and learned in that meeting, common sense would indicate that we need to enter the spire and reach the top from inside,” he continued, voice no less dry. ”Your stunt was, luckily, harmless, but if your methods were like those at the barrier I have reason to worry. No controls on the experiment, no protection for those who might have been caught in backblasts… I saw no reason, when we began, to think that the barrier would only return the attacks on the caster and not over a widespread area. Why should I think your assault on the top of the spire would prove any more well-thought out?”
Gods least fortunate, the pup’s widened eyes and confusion only made the simile more apt, and he almost laughed. He was in too much pain for that however, and merely snorted softly. ”I wish you could see yourself right now,” he murmured. ”Focusing on toss-away comments like some kind of ‘gotcha’ even while you embody them all the more. Well. You are right that I should never have agreed to come with you today or any other. You have expressed no interest in getting to know me, of learning about my world or anything other than what you had already decided about me… How many questions have you considered asking? Shown curiosity for? You talk about yourself and then say I can’t possible understand you. Meanwhile you seem to have formed your opinion of me, possibly even from our first meeting, considering how you keep going back to that, based on far less.” He curled his fingers more tightly around the lantern, trying to work a bit of feeling into them when he realized they had gone numb. He wished his heart would do the same… it was already well on its way, after this conversation. ”You will assume what you like, you have made that plain,” he said tiredly. ”And I can argue and try to correct you about my own words until I am hoarse with it, and it won’t change your stubborn assumptions, will it? If you don’t mind then, young lordling, I’ll leave you to your cherished misconceptions of me and be on my way.”
