You won't go lonely into this fight, if you just hold me we will survive
The touch that grazes across her skin as her hair as tucked away is a comfort that she briefly leans into while it’s offered. Everything inside her hurts, in an aching persistent way that she is all too familiar with. Familiarity lends her strength to weather it, yes, but she is so tired of being hurt. It’s not as if she opens her heart regularly. Why then does it end so disastrously when she is convinced to trust?
“And it is ingrained to lead only to the worst decisions,” she agrees, a slight twist of distaste to her lips. Hotaru is certainly no prude, she revels in sex - in the closeness it temporarily awards her - but it has never led to such disastrous consequences as what men regularly seem to get themselves into. “He claimed his devotion to her is because she Attuned him. If that isn’t proof enough of the shallowness of his reasoning...” Hotaru gives a sharp shrug, the agreement clear but still painful to swallow. Hotaru covets power, but never at the expense of her precious few loved ones.
And she shouldn’t be a second choice. Or third, or fourth. Yet she is, again and again, from Helovia to Caido. Never learning, tripping over the same pitfalls no matter how battered her heart gets. Turning instead to power, war, manipulation. Focusing on that which couldn’t hurt her so close to home. Yet even still it remains her Achilles Heel, felling her each time she dares to believe it has changed. “Perhaps it’s my own special curse.” A weak smile that is far more bitter than amused. Aware that she has lost even this, that if there was ever a choice to be made she had picked the wrong one. It’s not as grievous a loss - Wessex is still here. Still holding her hand, her heart, both so gently that Hotaru feels she doesn’t deserve it. But it’s not the same, and she can’t ask for it to be.
What she can ask for is oversight, protection, what little she can garner on Nate’s behalf. The squeeze of her hand is returned, pressure demonstrating her gratitude. “He is as much at risk for manipulation from Safrin now, merely through Sunjata. Be careful, all of you.” No matter her personal trauma and ensuing wariness regarding The Voice, she cares for the Ascended family, and she can’t imagine how it would kill Nate to be an unintentional domino for their downfall.
“And it is ingrained to lead only to the worst decisions,” she agrees, a slight twist of distaste to her lips. Hotaru is certainly no prude, she revels in sex - in the closeness it temporarily awards her - but it has never led to such disastrous consequences as what men regularly seem to get themselves into. “He claimed his devotion to her is because she Attuned him. If that isn’t proof enough of the shallowness of his reasoning...” Hotaru gives a sharp shrug, the agreement clear but still painful to swallow. Hotaru covets power, but never at the expense of her precious few loved ones.
And she shouldn’t be a second choice. Or third, or fourth. Yet she is, again and again, from Helovia to Caido. Never learning, tripping over the same pitfalls no matter how battered her heart gets. Turning instead to power, war, manipulation. Focusing on that which couldn’t hurt her so close to home. Yet even still it remains her Achilles Heel, felling her each time she dares to believe it has changed. “Perhaps it’s my own special curse.” A weak smile that is far more bitter than amused. Aware that she has lost even this, that if there was ever a choice to be made she had picked the wrong one. It’s not as grievous a loss - Wessex is still here. Still holding her hand, her heart, both so gently that Hotaru feels she doesn’t deserve it. But it’s not the same, and she can’t ask for it to be.
What she can ask for is oversight, protection, what little she can garner on Nate’s behalf. The squeeze of her hand is returned, pressure demonstrating her gratitude. “He is as much at risk for manipulation from Safrin now, merely through Sunjata. Be careful, all of you.” No matter her personal trauma and ensuing wariness regarding The Voice, she cares for the Ascended family, and she can’t imagine how it would kill Nate to be an unintentional domino for their downfall.
