don't you know i'm no good for you?
The shout, the kick at the board has him internally flinching, swallowing hard when he finally turns to Nate – watches his husband hold himself together. His heart cracks again, lending a slight shiver of sorrow down his spine, enough of one that pinches his brows as the realization continues to overcome him. ’You chose Safrin over me!’ And that? Could he deny that? Did he want to try?
No. He doesn’t. But there is a small part of him that internally wants to shout back that Safrin had attuned him long before he’d met Nate. But it would simply be repeating those things Safrin had told him. She had loved him first. She had been there first.
Fuck.
“Nate, I can’t…” His voice hesitates, he swallows, his heart thundering in his chest, beneath those inky black spots of her tattoo. It beats against his ribcage where she’d burned herself into his bones. “I can’t lose you.” The tones crack as he tries to keep himself steady. “I only did it because of that.” Step back, Sunjata an internal voice seems to scream at him – because it’s all coming out wrong and he wishes he knew how to say what he means without it sounding so horrible.
His hand comes up to stop Nate should he wish to reply to that recent fuck up, the Attuned gasping down a huff of air. “She called me to her. She woke me up out of bed to come and see her.” Nate has to know that tug, right? “And when I got there it was entirely about the war. It was about choosing a side. And I told her that I couldn’t – I wouldn’t hurt you. I’d sooner hurt myself than hurt you.” And here he was hurting Nate in the process regardless. “I love you so fucking much, Nate, that I couldn’t bear the thought of facing you there. But she was going to make me, regardless, and I did the only thing I knew to do.”
But it’s selfish, at the end of the day, isn’t it? “And I should have asked, I should have talked to you, I should have seen if it was something you even wanted after all of it and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” No forgiveness, he doesn’t expect it. “I’m selfish and terrified to lose you.” But he always loses everything, doesn't he?
No. He doesn’t. But there is a small part of him that internally wants to shout back that Safrin had attuned him long before he’d met Nate. But it would simply be repeating those things Safrin had told him. She had loved him first. She had been there first.
Fuck.
“Nate, I can’t…” His voice hesitates, he swallows, his heart thundering in his chest, beneath those inky black spots of her tattoo. It beats against his ribcage where she’d burned herself into his bones. “I can’t lose you.” The tones crack as he tries to keep himself steady. “I only did it because of that.” Step back, Sunjata an internal voice seems to scream at him – because it’s all coming out wrong and he wishes he knew how to say what he means without it sounding so horrible.
His hand comes up to stop Nate should he wish to reply to that recent fuck up, the Attuned gasping down a huff of air. “She called me to her. She woke me up out of bed to come and see her.” Nate has to know that tug, right? “And when I got there it was entirely about the war. It was about choosing a side. And I told her that I couldn’t – I wouldn’t hurt you. I’d sooner hurt myself than hurt you.” And here he was hurting Nate in the process regardless. “I love you so fucking much, Nate, that I couldn’t bear the thought of facing you there. But she was going to make me, regardless, and I did the only thing I knew to do.”
But it’s selfish, at the end of the day, isn’t it? “And I should have asked, I should have talked to you, I should have seen if it was something you even wanted after all of it and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” No forgiveness, he doesn’t expect it. “I’m selfish and terrified to lose you.” But he always loses everything, doesn't he?
i've learned to lose, you can't afford to
SUNJATA
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
