don't you know i'm no good for you?
Nate turns away from him and Sunjata can already feel the clench to his jaw again, the way it’s all coming out wrong, the way he describes Safrin like the best thing in his life, like there hasn’t been any doubt when he’d agreed to father a child from her. But it was all wrong. It was done in love, of course, but not entirely love for Safrin — no.
He had gotten in that situation because of his love for Nate. Because if one day Safrin didn’t love him anymore, he doesn’t think it would destroy him. If Nate were to leave fully? It would kill him. But he can’t voice that either, can’t say what’s on his mind in regards to that because it feels like he’s minimalizing what he’s done to Nate, like he’s shoving his burden onto his husband in a selfish hack of ensuring he comes back.
So he can’t. And he doesn’t, even as Nate repeats the words and can’t look at him, as Sunjata gets back into work and stares at the fibers of the wood as it frays from the pressure of the saw.
His lips part when Nate’s voice cuts across, ready to dash that thought away, until he mentions his father and the saw squeaks to a stop that he’s forced to try and fix, if only to keep himself from letting the tears fall again. I… He pauses, sawing through the final bit of that piece of wood before setting it there for Nate and grabbing another. I know I shouldn’t… Think like that. I’ve just been in a survival mode for so long I don’t know how to stop. He shakes his head abruptly as if he’s realized just how.
And it’s with a croaky, sorrow filled, regretful mental voice that’s sent across the bond quietly. You are how I stop, Nate… He finishes that board and moves onto the next. You are the safest place I’ve ever been. You have never once asked anything of me that had me consider dipping into my survival instincts.
Another pause, a frantic sweep of his cheeks with the back of his hand before he’s sawing again. You made me live. And he had fucked all of it up. And I’m sorry that I’m… Wired to deal with shit wrong. When it comes to you, it’s only ever been because I can’t lose you. Because I love you more than I could ever love myself.
Because to lose Nate, well, that would be a slow, violent death.
He had gotten in that situation because of his love for Nate. Because if one day Safrin didn’t love him anymore, he doesn’t think it would destroy him. If Nate were to leave fully? It would kill him. But he can’t voice that either, can’t say what’s on his mind in regards to that because it feels like he’s minimalizing what he’s done to Nate, like he’s shoving his burden onto his husband in a selfish hack of ensuring he comes back.
So he can’t. And he doesn’t, even as Nate repeats the words and can’t look at him, as Sunjata gets back into work and stares at the fibers of the wood as it frays from the pressure of the saw.
His lips part when Nate’s voice cuts across, ready to dash that thought away, until he mentions his father and the saw squeaks to a stop that he’s forced to try and fix, if only to keep himself from letting the tears fall again. I… He pauses, sawing through the final bit of that piece of wood before setting it there for Nate and grabbing another. I know I shouldn’t… Think like that. I’ve just been in a survival mode for so long I don’t know how to stop. He shakes his head abruptly as if he’s realized just how.
And it’s with a croaky, sorrow filled, regretful mental voice that’s sent across the bond quietly. You are how I stop, Nate… He finishes that board and moves onto the next. You are the safest place I’ve ever been. You have never once asked anything of me that had me consider dipping into my survival instincts.
Another pause, a frantic sweep of his cheeks with the back of his hand before he’s sawing again. You made me live. And he had fucked all of it up. And I’m sorry that I’m… Wired to deal with shit wrong. When it comes to you, it’s only ever been because I can’t lose you. Because I love you more than I could ever love myself.
Because to lose Nate, well, that would be a slow, violent death.
i've learned to lose, you can't afford to
SUNJATA
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
