Of all the midwinter gifts he had made, this one was the hardest to give. All of them had been difficult in their own ways; the charms were memories given physical form, symbols of light and hope, but he had tried to close his heart off for so long that to acknowledge that he wanted friends again, wanted to belong and feel as though he meant something to another person, another heart… it was harder than he’d thought possible. The charms themselves were beautiful, but to actually give them to those who had come to mean so much to him meant admitting that he needed them. Admitting to himself that he wasn’t strong enough to stand alone – that he never had been.
Even if he didn’t deserve them, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out anymore. He had been destroying himself, before he’d come to Caido. Now he was…
He didn’t know. The harder he tried to hold on to who had been, the more he felt himself unravelling at the seams.
The loss of his dreams… might be playing a role in that. It certainly didn’t help.
ButRory was worth them. Among all those Jigano called friend, the blond hunter was unique. He accepted the fae heart of the Attuned’s soul without question. His touch was gentle, as much a balm as Isuma’s boundless love, and there was no one on Caido with whom he felt safer. And no one he wanted to protect from himself more.
Giving him the silver charm would mean he could no longer pretend otherwise. But not giving him the charm Jigano had had made from the silver coins of his homeworld would be to lessen Rory’s place in his heart, and that was far worse.
So he had fashioned a loose collar from a strip of leather with the charm in a bag at his throat, and positioned it on the branches of a bush so that when he changed to fox form he could push his head into the circle and let it fall around his neck. Isuma, little ball of pale white and bluish-grey feathers barely larger than his hand, had bounced at his side eagerly, always happy to have him closer to her size. They had started out walking together, but when she grew tired he took her gently in his mouth as if she were a pup and not a gryphon cub, and carried her over the snow.
By now he knew the way to his friend’s farm, and it wasn’t so very far. He passed a trio of luxere browsing in a small glade, earning an ear-flick of curiosity as he passed, then trotted down from the trees and over the snow, white on white and moving confidently. Thanks to Vervain he had only the faintest of scars on his shoulder to show for their hunting mishap, and was once again swift and nimble on his feet. Into the yard he went, and towards the goat pen where the memory snow still held the shape of a little white fox. Depositing the gryphlet on the snow-fox’s back, he sat beside it in a conscious mirror to listen for sounds of his friend and find out where his chores had taken him today. Perhaps once he had delivered his gift they could head into the woods together to play with the luxere? They were far nicer company than the vampire gourds had been!
Even if he didn’t deserve them, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out anymore. He had been destroying himself, before he’d come to Caido. Now he was…
He didn’t know. The harder he tried to hold on to who had been, the more he felt himself unravelling at the seams.
The loss of his dreams… might be playing a role in that. It certainly didn’t help.
But
Giving him the silver charm would mean he could no longer pretend otherwise. But not giving him the charm Jigano had had made from the silver coins of his homeworld would be to lessen Rory’s place in his heart, and that was far worse.
So he had fashioned a loose collar from a strip of leather with the charm in a bag at his throat, and positioned it on the branches of a bush so that when he changed to fox form he could push his head into the circle and let it fall around his neck. Isuma, little ball of pale white and bluish-grey feathers barely larger than his hand, had bounced at his side eagerly, always happy to have him closer to her size. They had started out walking together, but when she grew tired he took her gently in his mouth as if she were a pup and not a gryphon cub, and carried her over the snow.
By now he knew the way to his friend’s farm, and it wasn’t so very far. He passed a trio of luxere browsing in a small glade, earning an ear-flick of curiosity as he passed, then trotted down from the trees and over the snow, white on white and moving confidently. Thanks to Vervain he had only the faintest of scars on his shoulder to show for their hunting mishap, and was once again swift and nimble on his feet. Into the yard he went, and towards the goat pen where the memory snow still held the shape of a little white fox. Depositing the gryphlet on the snow-fox’s back, he sat beside it in a conscious mirror to listen for sounds of his friend and find out where his chores had taken him today. Perhaps once he had delivered his gift they could head into the woods together to play with the luxere? They were far nicer company than the vampire gourds had been!
