you have survived every moment of your life
even the ones you swore you wouldn't
She is an attentive listener, and he loves that about her. It makes it so much easier to bask in the better memories of the season, to share that which has transpired while they've been apart. His excitement is her own, and his heart melts anew to see it - she shares in his triumphs and victories, just as he does in hers. Surely he must look dopey sitting there staring unblinking into her face, smile lovestruck, but nobody seems to look over into the private booth anyway.
Her hand is warm over his own, and he turns his hand palm up to gently wrap his fingers around her wrist and squeeze, conveying his excitement as her words harmonize with his own in realization. "Two, actually. A gore crow, and an elephant." He'd only just discovered the second, and had broken down crying on his own when he'd realized, heart shredded with memories of the ones that had effectively raised him in the circus. Harper had not found any of their kind in Caido, and he had spent some time on his knees, thanking Safrin for the shape his soul had taken. A memory to carry in physicality.
"It's a start," he agrees, holding her tight. "She also had me use bolts that she made for me on the Skyboat launch in Torchline, so that Ascended could not approach it to tamper with the vessels." To carry out such a thing in her name had been validating, and had firmly set Harper in Safrin's light in regards to his usefulness to her n the war. But that also sealed his fate in so many other ways. "I also...well..." sighing, his confidence leaves him as the better news runs out, leaving only darker tales. But he must tell her. The situation and the timing don't matter - they will never be good enough, and he knows that. Knows he will use them as excuses to postpone this talk, and he can't do that. He values their relationship too much to hide the hard parts; they deserve the chance to work through them together.
"Gideon, the priest here, held a sermon of sorts in Torchline that turned into more of a mob. So I came here, to speak with him. The rest...it's all been about the war, and while it gives me purpose..." Faltering anew, Harper fights to not withdraw his hand, to close off as he always does when talk of his past comes up. "I am scared of what it might do to me. The places it will take me, the man it will turn me into - the one I used to be. I'm scared you will see it, and realize you cannot love me through it."
And it will break him.
Her hand is warm over his own, and he turns his hand palm up to gently wrap his fingers around her wrist and squeeze, conveying his excitement as her words harmonize with his own in realization. "Two, actually. A gore crow, and an elephant." He'd only just discovered the second, and had broken down crying on his own when he'd realized, heart shredded with memories of the ones that had effectively raised him in the circus. Harper had not found any of their kind in Caido, and he had spent some time on his knees, thanking Safrin for the shape his soul had taken. A memory to carry in physicality.
"It's a start," he agrees, holding her tight. "She also had me use bolts that she made for me on the Skyboat launch in Torchline, so that Ascended could not approach it to tamper with the vessels." To carry out such a thing in her name had been validating, and had firmly set Harper in Safrin's light in regards to his usefulness to her n the war. But that also sealed his fate in so many other ways. "I also...well..." sighing, his confidence leaves him as the better news runs out, leaving only darker tales. But he must tell her. The situation and the timing don't matter - they will never be good enough, and he knows that. Knows he will use them as excuses to postpone this talk, and he can't do that. He values their relationship too much to hide the hard parts; they deserve the chance to work through them together.
"Gideon, the priest here, held a sermon of sorts in Torchline that turned into more of a mob. So I came here, to speak with him. The rest...it's all been about the war, and while it gives me purpose..." Faltering anew, Harper fights to not withdraw his hand, to close off as he always does when talk of his past comes up. "I am scared of what it might do to me. The places it will take me, the man it will turn me into - the one I used to be. I'm scared you will see it, and realize you cannot love me through it."
And it will break him.
this time is no different
you will last
