LOCKE
Through all of the anxiety and anger and whatever else he's feeling, hearing that she and the baby are healthy is a relief. He relaxes, a tension he didn't even realize he was holding leaves him and he wishes he could find more comfort in all of it. But at least, physically, they're okay. That's all he wants. Because deep down he wants this as much as she does. Them. A family. To have picnics on the beach and teach their kid how to swim on lazy days. To stretch out by the fire and drink tea and tell stupid stories. All the things he wanted as kid he never got, he wants to make sure this kid has that. Parents included.
His jaw flexes, almost mirroring her own. This isn't the place to have this talk, not the time. But he has a feeling it's the only chance they'll get. Whatever happens today will cement the future of where they go afterwards. "Of course I want to be in my kid's life." He says it again, softly, almost sadly. No matter how this goes, he wants to be part of it.
It's her turn to be angry and he's almost glad she is. She deserves to be angry with him and he deserves her wrath. It feels right, somehow. Like he's being punished properly for the sin of hurting her this badly. Except her words do nothing but anger him. Some part of it hurts but he wonders if she gets what she's saying. If she hears how she sounds to him. Like she wishes it was Sunjata's. Like.. She wishes he picked her. Maybe that's not what she means but that's how it feels. His jaw is so tight that it hurts and all he can think are venomous words. But they don't come out, they can't. Maybe she does want the other man more, maybe she does wish it was his kid. Maybe she's just trying to move on. He can't fault her for that.
But then she's crowding into his space and he's not sure what to do. Golden eyes narrow as he watches her. Whatever anger was on her features dies as she talks. About needing him. A family. A support system. Is that how she sees him? Her question scares him more than anything else she's said. Who cares about Sunjata and Hotaru and Torchline and Caido. Why does he keep running? Because he's scared. He's so fucking scared. He always has been. He's just a terrified little boy who doesn't know how to handle anything and he's never had anyone there to hold him. Running kept him alive, running dulled the pain. Or it used to at least.
"I'm scared. Of myself. Of the war. Of you." He presses closer because he can't stop himself. One scarred hand comes up to brush the tears off her face before lingering there. Her skin is soft and cool as it's always been. "I don't want to hurt you more.. And I know I will. I wanted to leave before I could make it worse. I had to leave because I hate you working at the Halenani but I couldn't make you choose. So I chose for you."
"You have Seren and Aurelia and Remi and Ronin. You have so many people, Maeve. You don't need me. I'm just going to keep running. It's all I've ever done." As much as he wants it to be a lie, he knows his heart. Even now, he wants to run. He should've never come to talk to her.
His jaw flexes, almost mirroring her own. This isn't the place to have this talk, not the time. But he has a feeling it's the only chance they'll get. Whatever happens today will cement the future of where they go afterwards. "Of course I want to be in my kid's life." He says it again, softly, almost sadly. No matter how this goes, he wants to be part of it.
It's her turn to be angry and he's almost glad she is. She deserves to be angry with him and he deserves her wrath. It feels right, somehow. Like he's being punished properly for the sin of hurting her this badly. Except her words do nothing but anger him. Some part of it hurts but he wonders if she gets what she's saying. If she hears how she sounds to him. Like she wishes it was Sunjata's. Like.. She wishes he picked her. Maybe that's not what she means but that's how it feels. His jaw is so tight that it hurts and all he can think are venomous words. But they don't come out, they can't. Maybe she does want the other man more, maybe she does wish it was his kid. Maybe she's just trying to move on. He can't fault her for that.
But then she's crowding into his space and he's not sure what to do. Golden eyes narrow as he watches her. Whatever anger was on her features dies as she talks. About needing him. A family. A support system. Is that how she sees him? Her question scares him more than anything else she's said. Who cares about Sunjata and Hotaru and Torchline and Caido. Why does he keep running? Because he's scared. He's so fucking scared. He always has been. He's just a terrified little boy who doesn't know how to handle anything and he's never had anyone there to hold him. Running kept him alive, running dulled the pain. Or it used to at least.
"I'm scared. Of myself. Of the war. Of you." He presses closer because he can't stop himself. One scarred hand comes up to brush the tears off her face before lingering there. Her skin is soft and cool as it's always been. "I don't want to hurt you more.. And I know I will. I wanted to leave before I could make it worse. I had to leave because I hate you working at the Halenani but I couldn't make you choose. So I chose for you."
"You have Seren and Aurelia and Remi and Ronin. You have so many people, Maeve. You don't need me. I'm just going to keep running. It's all I've ever done." As much as he wants it to be a lie, he knows his heart. Even now, he wants to run. He should've never come to talk to her.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die
The in-between is mine
The in-between is mine
