Hotaru
Our hearts we have sold
For diamonds and gold
For diamonds and gold
Frankly Hotaru is too scattered to focus on whatever the two men are saying to one another. She doesn’t care about much anything at all, so she doesn’t react until Deimos’ bewilderment reaches her. Turning she stared up at him, tortured. I don’t know. I don’t know, so I needed to see you. It’s not…me. And surely he can feel the terror that radiates from her at the idea. She may not be able to control the emotions themselves, but Hotaru can tell they aren’t right.
Remi’s shift back to a man pulls her attention, and Hotaru respects him enough not to wince at the lash of his words. It is nothing she doesn’t deserve, doesn’t wholeheartedly agree with. Still, she stares after him, lost. The urge to take her children back is an empty void in her breast. It’s like fumbling in the dark for the light switch, hands feeling along empty walls, memory failing but certain it should be there beneath your palm.
His anger over the individual actions breezes past her. They’d talked of each event before, perhaps not at length but enough. They are failings she can own. This one? She doesn’t even know where to start.
“I want to see them, of course I do,” her voice trembles as she speaks in mind, foregoing to Attuned link. “But I want to be better first. This…this isn’t the sort of mother I am.” The kind she was was the one he’d seen, crying tears of joy on Vai’s bed, pressing kisses to small foreheads.
There’s the urge to apologize again, to ask him to keep them safe. But even as he spits and glowers, Hotaru is firm in the belief that they cannot be safer than with Remi. It lends a strange gratitude that flows outwards from her to the two men. The primal part of her purrs with satisfaction - she has chosen a good mate, one who would go to any lengths to protect their young. Even from their own mother. Her voice clogs on the desire to thank him. It would be well received, at least not in this moment. Later, she tells herself. Clinging to wavering certainty that there will be a later. That this can be fixed.
She can’t entertain the idea that it can’t be.
Remi’s shift back to a man pulls her attention, and Hotaru respects him enough not to wince at the lash of his words. It is nothing she doesn’t deserve, doesn’t wholeheartedly agree with. Still, she stares after him, lost. The urge to take her children back is an empty void in her breast. It’s like fumbling in the dark for the light switch, hands feeling along empty walls, memory failing but certain it should be there beneath your palm.
His anger over the individual actions breezes past her. They’d talked of each event before, perhaps not at length but enough. They are failings she can own. This one? She doesn’t even know where to start.
“I want to see them, of course I do,” her voice trembles as she speaks in mind, foregoing to Attuned link. “But I want to be better first. This…this isn’t the sort of mother I am.” The kind she was was the one he’d seen, crying tears of joy on Vai’s bed, pressing kisses to small foreheads.
There’s the urge to apologize again, to ask him to keep them safe. But even as he spits and glowers, Hotaru is firm in the belief that they cannot be safer than with Remi. It lends a strange gratitude that flows outwards from her to the two men. The primal part of her purrs with satisfaction - she has chosen a good mate, one who would go to any lengths to protect their young. Even from their own mother. Her voice clogs on the desire to thank him. It would be well received, at least not in this moment. Later, she tells herself. Clinging to wavering certainty that there will be a later. That this can be fixed.
She can’t entertain the idea that it can’t be.
But baby take a look
We have it all
We have it all
