I carried my own ashes to the mountains
His piercing eyes watched as the creatures came closer; perhaps curious and intrigued, or foolish and haphazard. He could’ve made a caustic remark about them, based on Ru’s observations, but instead he merely nodded his head – reveling in the bizarre sight, instead of pinpointing into how any of them had managed to survive lately. No matter who: insect, monster, cretin, or innocent. The belled bugs floated in their illustrious little haze, seemingly unbothered by their traipsing nearby, by the obvious predators lingering against the stark ivory. Sharp contrasts, and pockets of peace.
But the rest wasn’t. He still lent his inquiring mind and his calm disposition, but the rest remained so brutally unknown, unsettled, and unresolved; it stuck to the back of his teeth and wound its way in there, like a deeper laceration. Like an inward scar he didn’t want to carry, to hold, or to nettle its way into other thorned aspects. Deimos couldn’t understand her plight, her thoughts, her feelings, not when he’d never had his own children, nor thought about extinguishing a youth’s life. He’d safeguarded Kiada for as long as he could, when she permitted and allowed it, and even now that seemed to filter off into anguish.
So the sensations smarted, and he backed away from them – an inward crawl, an avoidance, like smothering himself against a wall and pretending it wasn’t there. Perhaps it didn’t make anything better, but he didn’t want the confusion, the torment, the agony. He had enough of his own. And while they’d always shared those aspects, those feelings, he didn’t know what to do with this. Didn’t know how to respond. Didn’t know how to assist, just as lost and confused as before.
At least Phoebe had helped, assisted, in healing, mending ways he’d never been capable of. He nodded at her explanation, gaze remaining on the whirl of wind, on the bugs that tried not to scatter under its command. How are they doing?
The remorse sent back to him was overwhelming too, and he blinked, looking downward. I still do not understand what I am supposed to do or how to help you. Another failure, and he could eternally admit them – as much as they stung and emblazoned. I feel like I was dragged into a mess that had nothing to do with me. A series of them, truly, but he’d been willing with fires. No association with the twins – save for when Hotaru had been pregnant, and he’d warned her against so many actions; and she’d ignored them all. I tried to explain it to Remi, but that did not go well either. A sigh flickered through, and he lifted his hound head again, at war with too many sentiments and emotions. You missed a meeting before winter settled in. Otherwise, we have been biding our time.
But the rest wasn’t. He still lent his inquiring mind and his calm disposition, but the rest remained so brutally unknown, unsettled, and unresolved; it stuck to the back of his teeth and wound its way in there, like a deeper laceration. Like an inward scar he didn’t want to carry, to hold, or to nettle its way into other thorned aspects. Deimos couldn’t understand her plight, her thoughts, her feelings, not when he’d never had his own children, nor thought about extinguishing a youth’s life. He’d safeguarded Kiada for as long as he could, when she permitted and allowed it, and even now that seemed to filter off into anguish.
So the sensations smarted, and he backed away from them – an inward crawl, an avoidance, like smothering himself against a wall and pretending it wasn’t there. Perhaps it didn’t make anything better, but he didn’t want the confusion, the torment, the agony. He had enough of his own. And while they’d always shared those aspects, those feelings, he didn’t know what to do with this. Didn’t know how to respond. Didn’t know how to assist, just as lost and confused as before.
At least Phoebe had helped, assisted, in healing, mending ways he’d never been capable of. He nodded at her explanation, gaze remaining on the whirl of wind, on the bugs that tried not to scatter under its command. How are they doing?
The remorse sent back to him was overwhelming too, and he blinked, looking downward. I still do not understand what I am supposed to do or how to help you. Another failure, and he could eternally admit them – as much as they stung and emblazoned. I feel like I was dragged into a mess that had nothing to do with me. A series of them, truly, but he’d been willing with fires. No association with the twins – save for when Hotaru had been pregnant, and he’d warned her against so many actions; and she’d ignored them all. I tried to explain it to Remi, but that did not go well either. A sigh flickered through, and he lifted his hound head again, at war with too many sentiments and emotions. You missed a meeting before winter settled in. Otherwise, we have been biding our time.
DEIMOS
