Jigano didn't need words just then, so much as he needed the quiet comfort of Rory's presence, and the steadying touch of his hand. Fox and man and something in-between, and still the hunter reached through to the heart of him no matter what shape he wore. It was a terrifyingly reassuring thought, and one that mattered more than any platitudes. It wasn't the words themselves so much as the tone that reached through to him, and something in his posture began to ease. He started to raise his head, blue eyes seeking Rory's--
The sound of footsteps came to his foxy ears like approaching drum beats, signalling an end to their private time together. The nurse would be expecting the fox who had stayed by Rory's side while he had slept, and having just shared his secrets with one man who he trustedfar too much, too deeply, too late to turn back now he was in no shape to give so much of himself away to a stranger. He flattened his fox's ears in distress, but not before Rory made a final argument with such gentleness that it that rang like a quiet chime down to his bones.
Punishing yourself will not make them less so.
"I..." His head knew that, he wanted to say, but his heart felt differently. But was that true? His head hadn't even considered that very simple view, in all the years since they had died. And, now, his heart had become dangerously vulnerable, dangerously open again. He knew he deserved to be alone, for what he had done...
But a growing part of him no longer wanted to be.
And then the footsteps were slowing outside the curtain and he shook his head, squeezing Rory's hands tightly for a moment before a wan, lopsided smile lightened his expression and he met his friend's eyes. "At least now we'll have time," he said softly. "To see..." If he could learn to let go of the past. If he wanted to let it go. If Rory wanted to be a part of his future.
As his shape slid down into the compact form of the white fox he realized that the last 'if' had already been answered. He didn't yet know how, but he didn't want to think of a future without those gentle blue eyes, deep and welcoming, laughing and filled with tears, angry and bright with joy... and everything in between. As his close friend, or as something more...
But the 'how' didn't needed answering right away, if it even could be answered yet. He nestled back against the hunter's side, fitting comfortably against him and resting his head on his friend's thigh as the nurse slipped in to check on the wounded man and the little menagerie that stood loyal guard over him through the darkness of Long Night.
The sound of footsteps came to his foxy ears like approaching drum beats, signalling an end to their private time together. The nurse would be expecting the fox who had stayed by Rory's side while he had slept, and having just shared his secrets with one man who he trusted
Punishing yourself will not make them less so.
"I..." His head knew that, he wanted to say, but his heart felt differently. But was that true? His head hadn't even considered that very simple view, in all the years since they had died. And, now, his heart had become dangerously vulnerable, dangerously open again. He knew he deserved to be alone, for what he had done...
But a growing part of him no longer wanted to be.
And then the footsteps were slowing outside the curtain and he shook his head, squeezing Rory's hands tightly for a moment before a wan, lopsided smile lightened his expression and he met his friend's eyes. "At least now we'll have time," he said softly. "To see..." If he could learn to let go of the past. If he wanted to let it go. If Rory wanted to be a part of his future.
As his shape slid down into the compact form of the white fox he realized that the last 'if' had already been answered. He didn't yet know how, but he didn't want to think of a future without those gentle blue eyes, deep and welcoming, laughing and filled with tears, angry and bright with joy... and everything in between. As his close friend, or as something more...
But the 'how' didn't needed answering right away, if it even could be answered yet. He nestled back against the hunter's side, fitting comfortably against him and resting his head on his friend's thigh as the nurse slipped in to check on the wounded man and the little menagerie that stood loyal guard over him through the darkness of Long Night.
