Rebuilding What Was Lost

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — When Sam had first received Remi's letter, he had found himself far too overwhelmed by the fact that it existed to read it. What would it contain? An insistence that Sam kept his distance? A confession? An apology? The possibility of it was so powerful his hands shook as they touched the thin paper edges, considered opening it but put it down. It took him a day to work up the courage. Finally, he sat down with a cup of his favourite tea and forced himself to pull the letter open. The words made him cry, though he didn't quite know why; they were to be expected, really. An acknowledgement, an apology...but not a solution. He held the letter in his hands and stared right through it, wondering if he'd ever see affection like he'd seen in Remi's eyes during their last night together again. After he had slept on his thoughts, read the letter over twenty times...he made a decision. Just before this had happened he and Remi had agreed to start over anyway, hadn't they? And he had somehow drawn him in once, right? Perhaps...he could do it again. He didn't want to build himself up a false hope, but the new person he was now was the kind of person who had to try (in no small part because of Remi). Setting off to his shop early, knowing Remi usually slept in his own shop next door, he set up the tea and tray in his attic as he had before and went to Remi's door, knocking neatly. As soon as the door was opened, his nerves took over and he blurted out: "I-I hope that maybe...af-after your letter you might want to h...have some t-tea and a talk now." — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.