lonesome dreams

KIADA we are all just fighting to survive a world, where 'i miss you' doesn't mean I'm coming back. He repeats the Luxere’s name, and Auni’s ear flicks in response – breathing deeply and contently to have Seiji’s hand in his fur. But as Kiada passes the note to Seiji, she speaks and lets it settle. She takes a sip of the tea, hot but not too hot and sighs quietly as it warms her throat and her insides despite the constant chill in her veins. It’s enough to make her feel something, though she tries to keep the feelings at a minimum. She nods to his apology, and grasps the note from his hand and tucks it back into her lap. The blankets remaining around her shoulders, but the front of her body and her neck is exposed. She looks at him then, and actually sees him, asking if there were rituals. She sucks in a breath and gnaws on her lip for a moment before she shrugs her shoulders and casts her icy gaze back down to the tea. “I don’t… Know?” She pauses, figuring it might be easier to continue her story. “This sounds… impossible, but. That world, it ended in chaos. I aligned myself at a very young age with the corrupted god – Kisamoa, they called him. He was chaos and destruction, and everything I wanted. But he came to my world, and I worked for him, I helped him destroy my world.” She pauses, her fingers tapping against the cup. “He gave me an amulet that I wore around my neck, and when the time came and the portal opened to go to a new world – many didn’t go. Ru’in and I, we both had twins. I had lost mine, but his had attacked Kaos, had died from the attempt. And Ru’in followed her. I watched him die, once before.” She closes her eyes before taking a deep breath and raises her head to look back at Seiji. “It hurt the first time, but not as much as now. It was… a young love, my first love actually. And when I was thrust through the poral, the amulet at my neck exploded and left me this scar.” She reaches up with a hand to point at the X on the side of her neck. “And it was there that I moved on – I had to. The world around me was full of destruction and pain and needed healing. I had a purpose then. My family had disappeared aside from my mother. And Kaos had rewarded me for choosing him. And I think.. I think I loved him too. In some sick, terrible way. I fell through a couple of other worlds too, before landing here. I found Ru’in again a month after I’d arrived.” She shakes her head and watches Auni, the Luxere content to spread out beside Seiji for the rest of the night if he could. “But in the Rathskeller, I noticed the Luxere were leaving and I had to find out why. I slipped out with a few others from the Rathskeller – I found Auni there. And when I got back, I found the note and this on the steps to the door.” She finally says, whooshing out her breath in a quiet sigh before taking a deep sip of the tea as if to settle her nerves. "I never found out what we did with the dead, I was never there after to see them." She adds quietly, glancing back to the fire. and 'I love you' doesn't mean I'll stay...