in over my head

Phoebe Call the Midwife Phoebe glanced over at him as he spoke. She could hear the hurt in his voice. She could see it in his eyes and the way his shoulders slumped. It hurt her heart to see him that way. ”Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t. It is the risk every mother makes to bring new life into this world, done just as readily as a soldier laying down their life for their kingdom.” she said, her words weighing heavy with a wisdom far beyond her years. It was a phrase she often heard her predecessor use with left behind husbands. It was a phrase that had come from her teacher’s teacher – a phrase used and passed down for so long its start was lost to time. All that remained was the truth at its core. ”Oh yes, she is very normal.” Phoebe assured with a warm smile. Her fingers moved to the girl’s joints, little taps here and there, watching as her arms and legs moved with good reflex, watching her react to little pokes and prods. Nothing was numb, nothing was deadened. Gently, the midwife placed her ear to the girl’s chest, listening to her breathe. No rattles, no hitches, each of her sides moving equally and in tandem. Lastly she placed her fingers over her chest, feeling her little heartbeat, counting the beats. Steady, strong, perfectly in time. ”She seems a perfectly healthy little baby to me.” she said, letting Aoife briefly suck on the tip of her finger. Even that she did with ease. There was nothing for Ronin to worry about in Phoebe’s mind. She picked the little girl up, carrying her like it was second nature in the crook of her arm. New mothers needed the break from their newborns now and then, new fathers were no different. ”I am not aware of any potential wet-nurses around, but I will keep a lookout for one. What have you been feeding her?” she asked, rummaging through a cabinet to retrieve some items he might want. Extra clothes for diapers, various creams and powders should she get a rash, little kitted gloves to keep her from scratching herself (which Phoebe deftly put on her with one hand) – anything that a parent of a newborn might need Phoebe made sure to gather and put in a little basket for Ronin. His last statement made her sad, but she gave him a small smile in return. ”I understand. But you really are. You have each other, and family is so hard to come by these days.” she said quietly, smiling at little Aoife. ”And you are far from alone. Should you need anything at all or have any concerns you can come here or send for me, either way, day or night.” She couldn’t take Vanya’s place, she wouldn’t dream of even trying, but she could make sure that he had the support he needed to care for his daughter.