Maea
Rest against my pillow
like the aging winter sun
like the aging winter sun
Just like that, the agreement to not discuss the past unraveled. Maea tried to tell herself that it was a necessity this time, because her actions had been entirely founded on it. Didn't mean she enjoyed it, though. Not nearly as much as she had thought, back then. Nor did hearing that he cared offer any kind of satisfaction - which only frustrated even more. What was she, then? Just a bitter ghost unable to forget, locked in place and doomed to regurgitate the same old grudge until the end of her days?
"And to me, it was as though no time had passed." Reluctantly she turned to face him, and flinched at the sight of the tension in his jaw. Always a bad sign. "One moment I was here, fighting whales and remembering that last night we spent together. Thinking everything might be alright, somehow. The next I was... peacefully dreaming. Only to be back here again. I only closed my eyes, Jata, and everything had changed. Do you even know what that's like?"
Desperation turned her words into a plea, and she hated herself for it. For the prickling behind her eyes that mocked tears and exposed how deep these wounds truly cut her. Sucking in a breath she squeezed the eyes shut and bit her teeth together. Tried to collect herself, as if she wasn't already falling apart.
Damned ghost, to throw her off balance like this. Damned man, for being able to to tear her resolve to shreds just by existing.
"It made sense at the time," she muttered. "Now I'm disgusted with myself for losing it like that. Truth is, I thought you would catch me. In the act, or soon after... Part of me wanted you to, I think. I was... disappointed, when no one actually gave chase." Maybe she had been too good at the game. Maybe her personal vendetta had simply been too small and petty to garner attention from anyone.
It certainly looked pathetic now, from where she was sitting.
"And to me, it was as though no time had passed." Reluctantly she turned to face him, and flinched at the sight of the tension in his jaw. Always a bad sign. "One moment I was here, fighting whales and remembering that last night we spent together. Thinking everything might be alright, somehow. The next I was... peacefully dreaming. Only to be back here again. I only closed my eyes, Jata, and everything had changed. Do you even know what that's like?"
Desperation turned her words into a plea, and she hated herself for it. For the prickling behind her eyes that mocked tears and exposed how deep these wounds truly cut her. Sucking in a breath she squeezed the eyes shut and bit her teeth together. Tried to collect herself, as if she wasn't already falling apart.
Damned ghost, to throw her off balance like this. Damned man, for being able to to tear her resolve to shreds just by existing.
"It made sense at the time," she muttered. "Now I'm disgusted with myself for losing it like that. Truth is, I thought you would catch me. In the act, or soon after... Part of me wanted you to, I think. I was... disappointed, when no one actually gave chase." Maybe she had been too good at the game. Maybe her personal vendetta had simply been too small and petty to garner attention from anyone.
It certainly looked pathetic now, from where she was sitting.
Only wake each morning to
remember that you're gone
remember that you're gone
