MAEA
A solemn nod bent her neck at the mocking repetition, gravely accepting that there indeed had to be something terribly wrong for anyone to do what she had done. Perhaps something had broken within her mind. Perhaps returning with so many parts of herself missing had twisted her somehow. Maybe it was the years of enduring a cage, of facing loss and death and more loss that finally made her snap. It could be all of these things or none, and she did not offer them as excuses. It did not matter, in the end, because the result would not change no matter why she had decided to let her own personal issues be the only thing that existed.
People had still been hurt. And she would have to live with the knowledge that she was capable of terrible things for the rest of her existence.
Maea's gaze dropped to his hands as they twitched, and looked supremely unconcerned at the tone he leveled at her. The questions - both of them - had her blink slowly. Not really prepared for them, as she had expected... something more unhinged, probably. Violence, screaming, lightning unleashed.
"Okay with it?" she repeated slowly, as if the words tasted foreign on her tongue. "No. I am not okay with any of it. But that does not really matter, does it? I did it. I cannot take it back. As for why I am telling you - there are several reasons."
Meeting his gaze squarely, she straightened up slightly. It did nothing to aid her height; she still barely reached his shoulder, still had to lean back a little to fully take in his presence. The numbness persisted, and for once she was grateful for it. For the crystal clarity with a touch of unreality - as if she was watching it all from outside herself. It allowed her to speak plainly, for once.
"I owe you. The explanation, and an apology, and a chance to return every second of the hurt and suffering I caused. To you, and your husband, and everyone I harmed. You did so much to help me in the past, and I forgot about that. All because I was jealous, and angry, and lost. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry." She held up a finger, counting off the reasons. When it came down to it... there were really only three. And only two of them really mattered; that she was trying to move on from the past was neither here nor there, and Nate did not need to hear it.
"Secondly... It seems I wound up switching sides in this stupid conflict." A twitch of her mouth betrayed the first stirrings of something within her mind. Confusion, bewilderment, perhaps even resignation. "I wouldn't give a damn about who wins or loses, if it weren't for Amun. I care about him, and... I don't want him to die. So I'm going to do what I can to help him - help all of you. This thing that I did? I won't risk it being a thing that breaks trust and distracts people when it is needed. That's why I am telling you now." Taking a step forward, Maea lifted her chin. All but offering up that slender neck for Nate to wrap his hands around, should he be inclined to do so.
"If you want to beat the shit out of me, go ahead. I deserve it. Whatever you deem fair and appropriate as repayment, I will do. And if you want my head for it -" She hesitated. Thought of her brother, the promise they had made, "- then I hope you can wait at least until the war is over. Until I am no longer needed."
After that... It did not matter. She couldn't see that far ahead anyway.
People had still been hurt. And she would have to live with the knowledge that she was capable of terrible things for the rest of her existence.
Maea's gaze dropped to his hands as they twitched, and looked supremely unconcerned at the tone he leveled at her. The questions - both of them - had her blink slowly. Not really prepared for them, as she had expected... something more unhinged, probably. Violence, screaming, lightning unleashed.
"Okay with it?" she repeated slowly, as if the words tasted foreign on her tongue. "No. I am not okay with any of it. But that does not really matter, does it? I did it. I cannot take it back. As for why I am telling you - there are several reasons."
Meeting his gaze squarely, she straightened up slightly. It did nothing to aid her height; she still barely reached his shoulder, still had to lean back a little to fully take in his presence. The numbness persisted, and for once she was grateful for it. For the crystal clarity with a touch of unreality - as if she was watching it all from outside herself. It allowed her to speak plainly, for once.
"I owe you. The explanation, and an apology, and a chance to return every second of the hurt and suffering I caused. To you, and your husband, and everyone I harmed. You did so much to help me in the past, and I forgot about that. All because I was jealous, and angry, and lost. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry." She held up a finger, counting off the reasons. When it came down to it... there were really only three. And only two of them really mattered; that she was trying to move on from the past was neither here nor there, and Nate did not need to hear it.
"Secondly... It seems I wound up switching sides in this stupid conflict." A twitch of her mouth betrayed the first stirrings of something within her mind. Confusion, bewilderment, perhaps even resignation. "I wouldn't give a damn about who wins or loses, if it weren't for Amun. I care about him, and... I don't want him to die. So I'm going to do what I can to help him - help all of you. This thing that I did? I won't risk it being a thing that breaks trust and distracts people when it is needed. That's why I am telling you now." Taking a step forward, Maea lifted her chin. All but offering up that slender neck for Nate to wrap his hands around, should he be inclined to do so.
"If you want to beat the shit out of me, go ahead. I deserve it. Whatever you deem fair and appropriate as repayment, I will do. And if you want my head for it -" She hesitated. Thought of her brother, the promise they had made, "- then I hope you can wait at least until the war is over. Until I am no longer needed."
After that... It did not matter. She couldn't see that far ahead anyway.
I'm bleeding out for you
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
