Maea
The kind of flawless they think I should be
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I met him once, but we never spoke... I wish I'd had the chance to get to know him."
The girl sighed, and found a nearby rock to sit down on. The stone was warm beneath her chilled skin, and the wind carried with it all the promises of Longheat yet to come. On a day like this, when the air was warm and freshly sprung leaves whispered in the canopy above, when scents of new greens and peppermint bark filled her lungs with every breath, it was hard to think of ever leaving. This place was not so bad, right? The water was sweet, and the trees tall, and if she threw a rock into the bushes they would rattle and hiss as hanging snakes scampered of to a new sunning spot. There was life here, and joy, and beauty too.
On days like this, Longnight seemed a very distant thing.
"It's not you, really" Maea said, and looked out over the oasis. Water dripped slowly from her hair, so blindingly white in the sunlight that it hurt to look at. "It's not what you did, but... more what you didn't do."
How could she explain, how could she put it into words so Roana would understand?
"You were brought here against your will, and you've seen terrible and sad thungs. Now you have lost a friend, and that is another terrible thing. But we've all lost someone. We who were born here, and who have lived and survived and endured here for years, lifetimes, generations.
Imagine... you have a house. It is not a very grand house; the roof is leaking and the floor creaks, and the door keeps blowing open in a storm. There are rats in the larder and something in the attic, and sometimes you wish you could just run away from it all, leave and let it rot. But it's still your house... until suddenly it becomes flooded with new people. You try to explain how things work, and show everything you have, and you know it's not wonderful but it's home... You're still a bit proud, because it's still standing, you know? Despite it all, even though it's rough...
But then the newcomers start to move things around. They open doors that used to be closed and start chasing your rats, walk into rooms you never entered and find fault in everything. They don't like your house and want to change it, make it better, want to get out... and will tear down every wall in order to make it happen."
She made a helpless gesture with her hands, pale eyes seeking out Roana with something pleading in them. It was not like they didn't understand how bad it was, it was just...
"It's not that we don't want out, you see. We probably do. But it has never been possible, and now it almost is and it just takes time to get used to the idea. But we have not been given time. Two seasons... that is nothing. This is our home, and we know nothing of what waits outside. It might be dangerous, it might be worse than anything we have been through so far... It could be better too, but can you gamble your farm, your livelihood, your family... for a maybe?"
And that was without considering the will of the gods. That held sway too, in a very fundamental way.
The girl sighed, and found a nearby rock to sit down on. The stone was warm beneath her chilled skin, and the wind carried with it all the promises of Longheat yet to come. On a day like this, when the air was warm and freshly sprung leaves whispered in the canopy above, when scents of new greens and peppermint bark filled her lungs with every breath, it was hard to think of ever leaving. This place was not so bad, right? The water was sweet, and the trees tall, and if she threw a rock into the bushes they would rattle and hiss as hanging snakes scampered of to a new sunning spot. There was life here, and joy, and beauty too.
On days like this, Longnight seemed a very distant thing.
"It's not you, really" Maea said, and looked out over the oasis. Water dripped slowly from her hair, so blindingly white in the sunlight that it hurt to look at. "It's not what you did, but... more what you didn't do."
How could she explain, how could she put it into words so Roana would understand?
"You were brought here against your will, and you've seen terrible and sad thungs. Now you have lost a friend, and that is another terrible thing. But we've all lost someone. We who were born here, and who have lived and survived and endured here for years, lifetimes, generations.
Imagine... you have a house. It is not a very grand house; the roof is leaking and the floor creaks, and the door keeps blowing open in a storm. There are rats in the larder and something in the attic, and sometimes you wish you could just run away from it all, leave and let it rot. But it's still your house... until suddenly it becomes flooded with new people. You try to explain how things work, and show everything you have, and you know it's not wonderful but it's home... You're still a bit proud, because it's still standing, you know? Despite it all, even though it's rough...
But then the newcomers start to move things around. They open doors that used to be closed and start chasing your rats, walk into rooms you never entered and find fault in everything. They don't like your house and want to change it, make it better, want to get out... and will tear down every wall in order to make it happen."
She made a helpless gesture with her hands, pale eyes seeking out Roana with something pleading in them. It was not like they didn't understand how bad it was, it was just...
"It's not that we don't want out, you see. We probably do. But it has never been possible, and now it almost is and it just takes time to get used to the idea. But we have not been given time. Two seasons... that is nothing. This is our home, and we know nothing of what waits outside. It might be dangerous, it might be worse than anything we have been through so far... It could be better too, but can you gamble your farm, your livelihood, your family... for a maybe?"
And that was without considering the will of the gods. That held sway too, in a very fundamental way.
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
