i've been trying to sleep

ASHƎ i did my best to control the growing unrest in my soul.     Ashe didn't move at the appearance of the goddess. Her chest tightened, and her eyes looked upwards to where she leaned upon a tree, but the assassin didn't rise or so much as lift her head. Another one of those frustrating tears fell, like they would do or fix anything at all. Still, the wolf girl was.. caught off guard, she supposed, at the sight of the goddess so dimmed.     Despite her better judgement, but her lip curled just barely at that word. "Fuck fate," she muttered halfheartedly before she could stop herself. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and glanced away from the goddess, picking up her head to lean in back against the stone she sat against. "He spoke so highly of you." Ashe turned fractured eyes back to her - Safrin ... "I thought that if I met you, finally, I might understand -"     She broke off and fell silent, unsure of where that sentence was even going. Understand what? Understand why he was fucking dead? Understand why he trusted her enough to bet his life on her being with them? Understand why the fuck he had to make that sacrifice for a problem that never should have been theirs in the first place? She didn't expect to feel this anger smoldering so suddenly in her chest, but she kept it down, kept it smothered as best she could. Anger wasn't why she had come.     Ashe looked back to Safrin, and she remained silent for a minute. This goddess could not give her Ronin back, something in her knew that, so why ask for her? "This is wrong," she said quietly from where she sat. Another traitorous tear fell. "If I offered the right price, would he be given back? You, or Ludo, whoever the fuck I have to ask, who can give him back?" Her words started shaking, and her arms tightened around her legs. She expected a no. She expected to be told that it was impossible, that it was just the way things were. Her nails bit into her arms with how tightly she held herself. This stupid anger that she didn't want rose like bile.     "This is not our prison," she bit out, voice thick with eyes wet and burning with unfair accusation. Shut up, idiot girl, shut up! "Why were we brought to this world to die for sins that aren't ours, for people who don't even want our help? What was so worth Ronin's life to you?" She swallowed again, anger giving way to something closer to desperation as she looked upon the goddess Ronin had held so dear to him. "Why were we brought here?" she reiterated.