'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over
so maybe we should start all over
His insistence is gentle but immovable, and it somehow slows the frantic beating of her heart, leaving a quiet sort of gratitude in its wake. She may not completely agree, but his faith in her is a sad, nostalgic thing she doesn't feel she deserves. But if he wants to give it, well...Hotaru is selfish enough to take it from him.
It shouldn't surprise her that she has misstepped. When doesn't she with him around? It pains her to have failed in her aimless hope to cheer him up, but they've both lost so much that anything outside of the realm of fleeting, dark humor can seem locked out of reach forever. Not something she had expected to discuss openly, but if anyone deserves to take the lead in this conversation it's Sunjata. Hotaru can't trust herself in those shoes.
"You know my outlook," she murmurs. "We only have two options. We move forward - even if we do not move on - or we give up." Now, her hands curl around her upper arms more like an embrace, chasing away the chill. He wasn't the only one who lost Nate, but Ru won't pretend she ever had anything close with either of them that could compare to what Nate and Sunjata had. It hurts to remember, but at least it keeps her in her place where she deserves to stay.
"You don't have to move on," she says quietly. "People will tell you to. You might tell yourself to. You might berate yourself, think you should at least move on physically - you're Frey's demigod after all," she utilizes his own words intentionally, because she can hear the self-recrimination and guilt there, "but what do they know? Time doesn't heal all wounds." It will never heal hers, so why would he be any different? So maybe he needs this version of logic instead - to hear the words people tell her, because they do not hold a lover's bond as hallowed as a mother's. Cruel, perhaps. Presumptuous, definitely. But Ru had seen them together. Maybe this is what really fits.
Glancing down and away, she shrugs, losing steam and conviction simultaneously. "Maybe it hurts less, but it doesn't go away. All you can do is adapt to maneuvering around without a necessary limb." Because it's not a scar. Scars don't cause phantom pain. Scars don't make you lurch up in bed only to fall flat because the arm that had once been there, that even in your nightmares you were sure you had, is no longer there. "Maybe that means you never have sex again - who does that hurt but you? And if it does hurt them, they didn't respect your choices anyway." Wanting something from him he cannot deliver. Hotaru can't say she is innocent in that, but maybe she needs to stop being selfish for once in her goddamn life.
It shouldn't surprise her that she has misstepped. When doesn't she with him around? It pains her to have failed in her aimless hope to cheer him up, but they've both lost so much that anything outside of the realm of fleeting, dark humor can seem locked out of reach forever. Not something she had expected to discuss openly, but if anyone deserves to take the lead in this conversation it's Sunjata. Hotaru can't trust herself in those shoes.
"You know my outlook," she murmurs. "We only have two options. We move forward - even if we do not move on - or we give up." Now, her hands curl around her upper arms more like an embrace, chasing away the chill. He wasn't the only one who lost Nate, but Ru won't pretend she ever had anything close with either of them that could compare to what Nate and Sunjata had. It hurts to remember, but at least it keeps her in her place where she deserves to stay.
"You don't have to move on," she says quietly. "People will tell you to. You might tell yourself to. You might berate yourself, think you should at least move on physically - you're Frey's demigod after all," she utilizes his own words intentionally, because she can hear the self-recrimination and guilt there, "but what do they know? Time doesn't heal all wounds." It will never heal hers, so why would he be any different? So maybe he needs this version of logic instead - to hear the words people tell her, because they do not hold a lover's bond as hallowed as a mother's. Cruel, perhaps. Presumptuous, definitely. But Ru had seen them together. Maybe this is what really fits.
Glancing down and away, she shrugs, losing steam and conviction simultaneously. "Maybe it hurts less, but it doesn't go away. All you can do is adapt to maneuvering around without a necessary limb." Because it's not a scar. Scars don't cause phantom pain. Scars don't make you lurch up in bed only to fall flat because the arm that had once been there, that even in your nightmares you were sure you had, is no longer there. "Maybe that means you never have sex again - who does that hurt but you? And if it does hurt them, they didn't respect your choices anyway." Wanting something from him he cannot deliver. Hotaru can't say she is innocent in that, but maybe she needs to stop being selfish for once in her goddamn life.
start all over again
Hotaru
