Jude
In my head I am hunting for myself
but I come up empty again
He'd wanted to avoid the Fountain to heal himself given how popular it is. He doesn't want to be seen right now. Not by the citizens who will recognize him and whisper, curious and gossip-hungry. His father may yet still ruin his own name, but Jude won't do it for him beforehand, and he doesn't want the rumors to have his own name attached. but I come up empty again
He isn't expecting the clinic to be closed though.
It's late and the moon gives more light than the few torches this deep into the streets of Haulani, but the sign on the door is clearly marked 'Closed'. Jude stares at it for an indeterminate amount of time, the helpless anger from before burning up his veins until his face runs hot and his hands clench at his sides.
Taking a few tremulous breaths, the explosion of movement that comes directly after startles a few sleeping hels into flight in a cloud of noisy squawks as he kicks the door in a fit of rage. He turns and begins throwing everything he can find. In Torchline it's nothing valuable, you'd have to be stupid to leave anything out where the shadows can reach. Tattered blankets over some wooden boxes, a bag of trash, some old netting. But once he's scattered and destroyed them, he stands and yells impotently at the sky before collapsing down onto one of the sideways boxes, head cradled in his hands.
It hurts to even do that much. He didn't think he had any more tears to cry after the bar, but they come pouring through his clenched fingers all the same. How stupid, his internal voice patronizes, crying outside of a closed clinic. You really can't stand a little pain, can you? His dad had taught him all manner of advanced first aid, but he hasn't tried the keys left with the letter still sitting in his coat pocket. Doesn't know if his dad had moved all their supplies over or if he'll have to make a life from scratch at eighteen.
The thought makes him cry harder.
the night is a cavern
I am underneath it, inside it, anything but free of it
I am underneath it, inside it, anything but free of it
