Maea
Rest against my pillow
like the aging winter sun
like the aging winter sun
Accepting an outstretched hand was not always the safe thing to do. Hovering in silence while Alys shared a tidbit of her life, Maea merely listened. Her expression remained remote and difficult to read, but her eyes... they kept watching, attentive and wary, considering the points made. Giving away nothing of the conclusions the woman drew from them.
In the end, Maea remained unsure of what the options were. Somehow they had reached a crossroads where she had to make decisions. Sharing her own story would be the obvious choice, but the idea of explaining her decisions and opening the can of worms that was her reason for making choices had her sweating with unease. Right here, in the street, with a stranger? No thank you.
"And sometimes our actions are entirely our own, and we're left to live with the consequences," she countered, trying and failing to hide the tension building in her spine. Growing defensive, because opening up meant having to face the pain of her past. "Walking away from someone who is causing you discomfort and grief could save your life." She had learned that only when it was too late.
Holding out the dead crow towards Alys as if making a point, Maea fixed her eyes on the younger woman. "You want to know why I really killed this bird? Because it seemed less troublesome than killing you. The weight of your lives weighed equal to me and yet I chose the bird because I didn't want to deal with the aftermath of murder."
Ice was creeping in on her heart, turning her voice crisp. While not strictly true, there was no explaining the anguish she felt of even contemplating such a bloodbath. Learned morals and instincts clashed, fighting for dominance... and today the voice of reason had come out on top. But what about tomorrow? What about a week from now, or a year?
"You are very noble for wanting to give everyone a fair chance. I commend that, truly. But are you really prepared for what it might entail to approach some people?"
What if Maea was scared too? What if she wound up hurting more people before she got to know her new self? It could go so very wrong, and there would be no one to blame but herself. Because her choices had led her here - hers, no one else's. And she didn't know if she had the strength, the dicipline necessary to contain the new urges.
In the end, Maea remained unsure of what the options were. Somehow they had reached a crossroads where she had to make decisions. Sharing her own story would be the obvious choice, but the idea of explaining her decisions and opening the can of worms that was her reason for making choices had her sweating with unease. Right here, in the street, with a stranger? No thank you.
"And sometimes our actions are entirely our own, and we're left to live with the consequences," she countered, trying and failing to hide the tension building in her spine. Growing defensive, because opening up meant having to face the pain of her past. "Walking away from someone who is causing you discomfort and grief could save your life." She had learned that only when it was too late.
Holding out the dead crow towards Alys as if making a point, Maea fixed her eyes on the younger woman. "You want to know why I really killed this bird? Because it seemed less troublesome than killing you. The weight of your lives weighed equal to me and yet I chose the bird because I didn't want to deal with the aftermath of murder."
Ice was creeping in on her heart, turning her voice crisp. While not strictly true, there was no explaining the anguish she felt of even contemplating such a bloodbath. Learned morals and instincts clashed, fighting for dominance... and today the voice of reason had come out on top. But what about tomorrow? What about a week from now, or a year?
"You are very noble for wanting to give everyone a fair chance. I commend that, truly. But are you really prepared for what it might entail to approach some people?"
What if Maea was scared too? What if she wound up hurting more people before she got to know her new self? It could go so very wrong, and there would be no one to blame but herself. Because her choices had led her here - hers, no one else's. And she didn't know if she had the strength, the dicipline necessary to contain the new urges.
Only wake each morning to
remember that you're gone
remember that you're gone
