To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed
Was all we needed
Sohalia stared at the Dragoon as his hand dropped from her cheek, suddenly feeling cold and alone and confused, because the quick distance that rose between she and Koa was entirely unexpected, and she had to have done something wrong, because that's all she apparently knew how to do, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was.
"What -" she half-gasped, her free hand, slipping up to touch where his hand had been just a moment before, as confusion and hurt and a myriad of other emotions flashed across her face. Koa took a step back, and prepared to leave, and she knew she should let him go, because if even a simple conversation like this could hurt him, then she should stay far, far away and leave him the hell alone -
Except she wasn't a strong person, was she? Maybe, if she had been, none of this would have happened to begin with.
And as a not-strong person, she couldn't bear the idea of him walking away. Not right now. Not like this.
What if she never saw him again?
So despite the voice in the back of her mind that hissed that she deserved this, that she should let him go and leave him be and go back to a life of solitude, the Heart stepped forward, closing the gap that Koa had made between them, and reached out for his hand. "Wait, don't - don't go," she begged, dropping her voice so that only he could hear her. Her mind scrambled for something to say, something to keep him with her. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
"I don't want to lose you," she whispered, forcing herself to meet his gaze even as everything in her begged to pull away, to let go, to cower inside the silent insistence of her guilt and shame and self-loathing. "I just - I don't want to hurt you anymore, either, and -" Gods, how was she supposed to explain what was going on inside her mind? She hardly understood it herself, and she was loathe to be vulnerable again, not when allowing one person into her heart had so thoroughly shredded it. Much less two people.
How could she give him the power to break her, when so much relied on her remaining unbroken?
She took a deep breath and was mortified to find that she was trembling. "I've made so many mistakes when it comes to you," she told him finally. "I don't want to keep making them, but it seems like that's all I manage to do. I - I can't -" Everything she wanted to say was slipping through her fingers, thoughts flashing by too quickly to hold onto. She should let him go. This was stupid, and desperate, and selfish, and all the things she hated about herself brought heat to her cheeks and tears to her eyes, and she bit the inside of her cheek, using the sudden burst of pain to keep it all at bay.
"What if all I ever do is hurt you?" she asked, pain and worry and self-loathing clear on her face. And maybe that was the real problem - that she couldn't trust herself anymore, not after everything she'd done, everything she'd ruined. "What if me being alone is..." What I deserve. "Better for you?"
"What -" she half-gasped, her free hand, slipping up to touch where his hand had been just a moment before, as confusion and hurt and a myriad of other emotions flashed across her face. Koa took a step back, and prepared to leave, and she knew she should let him go, because if even a simple conversation like this could hurt him, then she should stay far, far away and leave him the hell alone -
Except she wasn't a strong person, was she? Maybe, if she had been, none of this would have happened to begin with.
And as a not-strong person, she couldn't bear the idea of him walking away. Not right now. Not like this.
What if she never saw him again?
So despite the voice in the back of her mind that hissed that she deserved this, that she should let him go and leave him be and go back to a life of solitude, the Heart stepped forward, closing the gap that Koa had made between them, and reached out for his hand. "Wait, don't - don't go," she begged, dropping her voice so that only he could hear her. Her mind scrambled for something to say, something to keep him with her. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
"I don't want to lose you," she whispered, forcing herself to meet his gaze even as everything in her begged to pull away, to let go, to cower inside the silent insistence of her guilt and shame and self-loathing. "I just - I don't want to hurt you anymore, either, and -" Gods, how was she supposed to explain what was going on inside her mind? She hardly understood it herself, and she was loathe to be vulnerable again, not when allowing one person into her heart had so thoroughly shredded it. Much less two people.
How could she give him the power to break her, when so much relied on her remaining unbroken?
She took a deep breath and was mortified to find that she was trembling. "I've made so many mistakes when it comes to you," she told him finally. "I don't want to keep making them, but it seems like that's all I manage to do. I - I can't -" Everything she wanted to say was slipping through her fingers, thoughts flashing by too quickly to hold onto. She should let him go. This was stupid, and desperate, and selfish, and all the things she hated about herself brought heat to her cheeks and tears to her eyes, and she bit the inside of her cheek, using the sudden burst of pain to keep it all at bay.
"What if all I ever do is hurt you?" she asked, pain and worry and self-loathing clear on her face. And maybe that was the real problem - that she couldn't trust herself anymore, not after everything she'd done, everything she'd ruined. "What if me being alone is..." What I deserve. "Better for you?"
You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'
But now I'm bleedin'
Sohalia
