With every broken bone, I swear I lived
Now, with her own experiences and a few hunts under the belt, Maea had an easier time of accepting the place of her new goddess within the context of death and life and rebirth. And she knew with more certainty which parts that frightened her, and why.
"Since I always had a tendency towards the dark, death is not so much the issue," she admitted. "It is more... the way it gives free reign to a cruel streak in me. It would be very easy to let the bloodlust become an excuse to cause pain. It doesn't discriminate between a rabbit or a deer or a person; the blood is just blood, and in the heat of the moment I could convince myself that anything is acceptable. And the thing is – Dygra would accept it. Maybe even encourage it."
Like a slippery slope into madness, with no checks or breaks or cares except for the ones she set up herself.
"There are times. Situations.. where I really don't trust myself to do good, or the right thing."
The scars on her hands was proof enough of what she was capable of. It was a testament to her trust in Harper that she could admit as much... even as one unspoken confession burned in her throat. Longing to be spoken, yet fearing that he wouldn't want to hold her hands again once he knew.
"I – I did something. As an Ascended." The words grew in her throat; choking her into coughing, clinging to Harper's hand like he was a lifeline. Gods, please. She was so tired of being afraid of herself. "I – bit someone without consent."
And there it was. The sunlight warmed her skin, but on the inside Maea felt cold.
"Since I always had a tendency towards the dark, death is not so much the issue," she admitted. "It is more... the way it gives free reign to a cruel streak in me. It would be very easy to let the bloodlust become an excuse to cause pain. It doesn't discriminate between a rabbit or a deer or a person; the blood is just blood, and in the heat of the moment I could convince myself that anything is acceptable. And the thing is – Dygra would accept it. Maybe even encourage it."
Like a slippery slope into madness, with no checks or breaks or cares except for the ones she set up herself.
"There are times. Situations.. where I really don't trust myself to do good, or the right thing."
The scars on her hands was proof enough of what she was capable of. It was a testament to her trust in Harper that she could admit as much... even as one unspoken confession burned in her throat. Longing to be spoken, yet fearing that he wouldn't want to hold her hands again once he knew.
"I – I did something. As an Ascended." The words grew in her throat; choking her into coughing, clinging to Harper's hand like he was a lifeline. Gods, please. She was so tired of being afraid of herself. "I – bit someone without consent."
And there it was. The sunlight warmed her skin, but on the inside Maea felt cold.
maea
