Harper
He turns to her fully, mind utterly hers for the moment instead of somewhere out there, in a different time and place. "How is that not a cage? How do I know I'm not asking something of you that you only think you want because of affection?" And though she can't reach for him, he can. He kneels in front of her, and reaches a hand to wrap around her forearm, sincerity bleeding from every pore. "I'll come because I want to see you. And I'll hope to see you when I knock on your door. But unless you want to try too, I don't want you to do it for me. Because I care for you." And in caring for her, he wants to protect her. Even if that means from himself and his expectations. He doesn't think he would manipulate her in any way, but he knows the lengths he's willing to go for someone he cares about, and if she's anything like him then maybe that isn't a good thing when they're as fragile as they are.
"I like being around you too, Maea. That's why I'll come back. I'm sorry if what I said sounded too much like an expectation - it was, and that wasn't fair." His eyes are sad when he looks at her and he knows it but it would be disingenuous to try and hide it. "I think I want to put down roots of my own again, but it's the coward's way out to hope that you will instead, so that I can visit you and feel like your home is mine. I just don't know how to start over anymore." Harper bites his lip, eyes finally falling to the apples in her lap when he can't hold her gaze anymore.
"You asked what I wanted, but it's all so formless to me. I want to do better by my sons, but I've broken their trust. I want to feel less conflicted about my goddess, but I've heard too much to be certain of my faith. I want to have a home again, but I don't know where it should be." Torchline would be torturous, but it's the longest home he's had since falling into Caido. But would it be too easy to fall into who he used to be? The same rut he'd finally fled from? "I want - I want to love, and be loved in return to the level I deserve. And I hate myself for that. I thought I could train myself to sleep around and let it fulfill me, but it isn't working." He cuts himself off, fearing he's said too much, and shakes his overlong hair with a sigh. "I don't know how you can help me with any of that. And I don't know what to try, what new thing to experience, that can help either."
"I like being around you too, Maea. That's why I'll come back. I'm sorry if what I said sounded too much like an expectation - it was, and that wasn't fair." His eyes are sad when he looks at her and he knows it but it would be disingenuous to try and hide it. "I think I want to put down roots of my own again, but it's the coward's way out to hope that you will instead, so that I can visit you and feel like your home is mine. I just don't know how to start over anymore." Harper bites his lip, eyes finally falling to the apples in her lap when he can't hold her gaze anymore.
"You asked what I wanted, but it's all so formless to me. I want to do better by my sons, but I've broken their trust. I want to feel less conflicted about my goddess, but I've heard too much to be certain of my faith. I want to have a home again, but I don't know where it should be." Torchline would be torturous, but it's the longest home he's had since falling into Caido. But would it be too easy to fall into who he used to be? The same rut he'd finally fled from? "I want - I want to love, and be loved in return to the level I deserve. And I hate myself for that. I thought I could train myself to sleep around and let it fulfill me, but it isn't working." He cuts himself off, fearing he's said too much, and shakes his overlong hair with a sigh. "I don't know how you can help me with any of that. And I don't know what to try, what new thing to experience, that can help either."
I cut my teeth on second-hand sentiments
you can't trust a thing I say
you can't trust a thing I say
