Reaching High

Remi spoke and spoke, and with each word Sam realised more he was not capable of fixing this. People with far more social intelligence than he would be struggling. As it was, with his limited experiences with complex interpersonal issues and his core emotionality, he had no chance of saying the right combination of words to get Remi to stay. "...I'm...you're right. I'm sorry. It's just...when you're stood close to me, I'm struck by a desire to kiss you, and it feels wrong to deny that if you feel it too. But...let's..I mean..you are justified. To not want to. Not that you need a justification. I..." He pushed a hand through his hair, his tone distracted and quiet as he tried to sort out his mind and speak at the same time. "I'm sure I've told you before how new all of this is...was ...to me. And I don't know how to handle large...anythings, really, but especially emotions." Despite the lack of his stutter nowadays Sam still paused frequently in his speech, seemed to hesitant before each word as if unsure it still meant what he thought it did. "What I did had more to do with my...inability. Than you. Perhaps that's not comforting but what I mean is...there is not one cruel word about you in my diaries, Remi. Nothing was done from malice. Just...I don't know how to...do this." He wasn't really sure why he was talking anymore. Sam fully expected Remi to leave, wasn't looking for the rekindling he'd hoped for. He was just saying his thoughts out loud, fingers grabbing onto the ends of his sleeves tight and his eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm sorry. Dealing with me, on top of coming from Northaven and Ronin and all of it. It must be too much." Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness