New memories & old wagons

i'd bring you further roses

This would have been new information even if Remi had retained all of his memories. Withering inside, had Remi been a man he'd have drawn his knees to his chest, made himself small in the wake of this. What he had been told by Vai and Ronin and previous by Ianto, was that the pair had been fast friends, coming up with crazy ideas and wiling away the day with all sorts of strange activities. That they had slept together almost seemed like...an outlet. Something they had both needed, but it had never occurred to Remi that it had ever been anything more to the fox.

And of course he couldn't remember if it had ever been more to him. He didn't even know that Ianto had been his first...well. Everything.

I... Remi thought with a nervous sort of stupidity. Through the bond though, Ianto would be able to feel the way the alchemist clung to the safety of the lion's form, the separation it afforded him in this moment, but also how guilty he felt remaining in it. Hiding, almost, from whatever truth and reality the two were hedging upon.

And so the alchemist was frozen for the space of a few heartbeats, large golden eyes searching a face which was distractingly handsome and speaking with a voice so kind, even though the words were about Remi and another man.

Eventually though it was the note in Remi's pocket that made everything snap into focus. A note given to him by a man who seemed to profess the same things that the fox was. A once upon a time challenged by circumstance and memory loss. But where Sam had decided to forget the alchemist, to free them of their obligations Sam had said, Ianto had stayed. Had persisted. Admitted when it was hard and hurtful but had found a way to move forward, even if it was slow and uncomfortable at times.

And so, with a cautious sort of slowness, the tawny mane shrunk into curls, the powerful paws into hands gently clasped in his lap, and the strong golden eyes into pale ones that peered back into the fox's blue. "Thank you." Remi said through lips suddenly gone quite dry. Licking them, Remi ran a hand over the piece of paper folded in his pocket. "For not leaving me. Then, or now."

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

Whilst Ianto couldn't hope to know the depth of the mental gymnastics that Remi was performing in his head, he knew enough to stay quiet while the other man figured himself out. While he did glance away at feeling the hesitance, the guilt and the nerves that bubbled within the lion's form, he couldn't really blame Remi either. The world, as far as he knew, had done nothing but beat and batter the laid-back man in whose company he'd found such pleasure. Ianto decided then and there that, regardless of what happened between them, he would need to see that put right.

As the lion slowly became a man before his eyes again, Ianto managed a quiet sort of smile, as if he had been trusted to even see Remi in that form. That smile became very crooked, however, at the notion that he ought to be thanked. "No, thank you," he murmured. "This forest is fuckin' crazy, Remi. Sometimes thinking about the times we shared in Northaven were the only thing keeping me clinging to sanity."

i'd bring you further roses

Such a small thing, to simply be himself. Before all of this, in Northaven when he was a nobody and a nothing, Remi had never worried about being seen. He was who he was, never truly worrying who took issue it with. He kept his head down, did his work, and just...got along. Unfortunately though, for as far as he'd come from being that man, his memory loss had reduced much of the work he and others had done to break him out of his shell and mold him into someone new. And so as he sat quietly on the bed he felt almost naked, too visible somehow, and not good enough.

Indeed, as Ianto mentioned his memories of Northaven, Remi's jaw clenched and he raked his hands through his curls. "Some how I feel as though cursing Ludo all the way out here is probably not a good idea." He said with an exasperated sort of sigh, shaking his head. Then, with a thoughtful glance up to the ceiling, Remi turned his stare back towards Ianto. "Was it just the one star you brought with you?"

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

"Hey, it's okay." Ianto shrugged, shifting to sit beside Remi on the heap of blankets and pillows so he could lean back on his hands and gaze up at the ceiling of the wagon. "No need to curse him. Those memories served me well when I needed them. But I've got the real deal right here, and plenty of new memories to take their place. You fell into a river as a raccoon, and collected enough hallucinogenic sap to space out a goddess." He chuckled. "I'm doing just fine, and I hope you are too."

In fact, just saying it made him feel a little better about it all. Because they had already created new memories, hadn't they? Talk of stars, though, had him pursing his lips, and Ianto nodded and patted his pocket where the star still sat. "I only arrived with what was on me at the time. So yeah, only the one."

i'd bring you further roses

Remi stared intently at his hands as Ianto moved to sit beside him. If he didn't look directly at him, his mind wouldn't race quite so quickly. And so it was only out of his peripheral vision that he noted the way the fox reclined, the tension broken by the reminder of his failed attempt at fishing. "Hey, that is my newest form. I am still getting used to the balance." He said defensively through a grin.

Heaving one of those sighs that feels as though it has the power to carry away a bit of one's anxiety, Remi relaxed his shoulders which had slowly risen up to his ears with worry. Glancing over his shoulder to where Ianto was leaning, Remi shifted his body slightly to face him, lower lip tugged between his teeth as he looked up. "Well, one star does hardly a constellation make." Remi observed giving his friend a knowing and mischievous nod and turning to face him just a little bit more.

"Though I have hardly had the time to study the stars since coming here, what with all the cursing and fighting and death." With a curious expression suddenly alighting upon his face, Remi tilted his head as a small smile parted his lips. "If we go outside and not too far from the wagon..will we see the stars?" He asked gazing down at his friend, wondering if the twilight world that the wagon inhabited was merely for show, or if it was somehow actually night outside.

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

"Sure, sure. What a life, eh? Multiple animal shifts, creation magic. Tch, Remi. You'll hardly need me for a business venture by the sound of it." Ianto chuckled, watching with a mix of amusement and endearment as Remi tried so hard to find a way to look at him and not seem so terribly awkward. It was just like before, he realised, hiding his smile (but not very well) and reaching out suddenly for the alchemist.

Providing he wasn't shoved away, Ianto would hitch Remi closer beside him, shifting to lie down properly with his arm snug around the alchemist. "Mm... the stars? Probably, sure," he murmured. "But I don't quite feel like leaving the wagon just yet. Besides, it's the Observatory that you really want to see, if you'd like to study the stars."

i'd bring you further roses

"Do not forget about the earth magic." Remi said waggling a finger and not bothering to mention all the other tricks he now had up his sleeve. He wasn't one to brag, but he also rather liked having been able to catch the fox off guard with his vine before, and thought that perhaps there'd be opportunity for something similar again.

That mischievous thought disappeared into a gasp of surprise as Ianto just sort of pulled him down. Instinctively Remi's muscles tightened and he rallied for just a moment against the tug. It wasn't just feathers in his hair this time, but down the back of his neck and his bare arms. Breath shuddering and his eyes fixed intently on the ceiling as he keenly felt Ianto's arm around him. It was warm and comfortable, but that did little to silence the alarm bells in his mind.

"Uhm.." Remi stuttered stupidly, trying to parse what Ianto was saying despite the ringing in his ears. Laying with all the comfort of a stiff board, Remi nodded distantly when the fox said he didn't want to leave the wagon, the alchemist's mind already far too tangled and frazzled to worry over those implications given that they were already laying down, alone, on a bed.

"Observatory?" Remi breathed, hoping that if he could keep Ianto talking it would prolong the moment when Remi would have to either decide he was comfortable laying next to Ianto, or if he wasn't, doing something about it.

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

"Oh of course, the earth magic," Ianto murmured, smirking and rolling his eyes playfully. "How could I have forgotten." The alchemist had always been wonderful to Ianto, in the things he could apparently make out of nothing, but it seemed that for all of Caido's negatives, it had granted Remi a few gifts as well. He arched an eyebrow as his intention to simply bridge the gap between them became something altogether more anxiety-inducing, and he glanced down at the feathers sprouting in Remi's hair and along his arms.

Observatory forgotten, Ianto's frown was entirely out of concern. "Remi, hey..." He let his fingers dance gently through the feathers on the back of his neck. "I just wanted to lay down as a man instead of a fox. It doesn't mean anything. Nothing will happen that you don't want. Or at all. You can sit up if you like." So saying, he opened his arm back up, giving the alchemist the control over whether he stayed or left.

i'd bring you further roses

Remi shivered at the touch of fingertips against his neck, the feathers both smoothing but also increasing beneath Ianto's touch. Blinking at the roof, Remi closed his eyes for a moment, wincing at his continued hangups from Northaven and shook his head slightly. What was he supposed to say? That once again, some other man had made a mess of his emotions and would Ianto be so kind as to pick up the pieces once again? That unlike the easy way he could just be around Ronin, filthy jokes and kitchen-blowjobs and all, that for some reason just having himself near Ianto was too much? That something in the way the fox had said he had cared for Remi despite everything that had happened, made the alchemist want to scream for the pain he had caused to the fox, and the way he was still causing it to him now. But it also made him want to return the embrace, to hold the sides of Ianto's face and just stare into his eyes until he memorized the colour perfectly.

The thought of that though made him shiver as something repressed and unsettled in his belly thoughtfully began to uncoil.

"It doesn't mean anything." Remi repeated back, though said it almost like a question, and remained where he was.

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

When Remi remained where he was, Ianto ignored the way his stomach gave a small flip of pleasure to carefully curl his arm back around the alchemist, his touch gentle as though he was dealing with a wild animal - and based on the fact that the Remi from Northaven would have literally flown away by now, he wasn't far wrong, he didn't think. Absently, his fingers returned to fuss over the feathers in the other man's hair, enjoying the silken touch as he turned his gaze contently to the ceiling.

"Nothing that you don't want it to," Ianto repeated in a low and gentle tone. "And even if you did want it to mean something, doesn't mean anything has to happen. We can just lay here, and talk some more, and catch up with each other. This is just another new memory."

i'd bring you further roses

The touch to his feathers was strangely thrilling. The fact that they existed at all only highlited the alchemist's anxious and unsettled state of mind. But strangely he found he rather liked the fox's fingertips against them, which only made the viscous circle repeat.

Remi glanced over, only able to see a brief flash of blue before directing his gaze back to the safety of the roof. Ianto was everything Remi needed him to be in that moment, and it was still overwhelming. His heart so recently shattered and then so strangely put back together was still kept away, obscured and hidden. It was just easier that way. Wasn't it?

Taking a breath, Remi closed his eyes and nodded, repeating Ianto's words again and again in his mind, almost like a mantra. Just another new memory. Just another new memory. Ever so slightly his shoulders relaxed down into the bed once more as he tried to swallow down the lingering tide of his anxiety. "So..an observatory is a place to view stars?" He asked after a moment, trying to nose them back towards their easy conversation.

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

Ianto had been trying to soothe Remi's anxieties, so finding only more feathers where he had been trying to tease them back was sending very conflicting messages indeed to the fox. Still, he tried to ignore it in lieu of the comfort of having the other man close enough to share his warmth and feel the drum of his heartbeat; a feat made easier by Remi's question. "Mm, yeah," he said slowly. "If you're ever able to go to the Sidhe Village without it being... y'know, horrible and dangerous, I'd like to take you there."

He smiled quietly at the mere thought. "It's one of the tallest structures in the village," he explained. "And there's like... a very large spyglass, or magnifying glass at the top. If you look through it, you can sometimes see comets from far away, and the constellations... and star whales."

i'd bring you further roses

"Mm." Remi agreed with a nod against Ianto's arm. "As much fun as it is to be your scarf, I do enjoy being in this body more than a raccoons, I think."

The mention of spyglass had Remi's mind whirling happily. If it was what he thought it was, he'd like to see it very much. Indeed it had been Loren all those long months ago that had put the idea into his head, but now without thoughts of the Launceleyn to sully it, it was just a project he'd found himself fascinated over. Perhaps seeing one in person would help him with the creation of his own. If, as Ianto pointed out, he could ever get to it.

Just as he was about ponder out loud how he might get into the village, he drew in a breath, glanced sidelong at his companion, and shot the fox a skeptical look. "Star whales?" He repeated with a flat tone and disbelieving bob of his brow.

but it does you no good

Coding base by Sky!

it's not what it looks like

"I did quite enjoy you as a scarf. Though perhaps when it gets colder, rather than just before Longheat. And hey, maybe I can be your scarf when you're a lion, and I'm a fox." Ianto laughed at the thought; the image of the two of them was ridiculous enough curled up in the wagon, let alone plodding through the forest in the snow. Amusing himself with this thought - since he was unaware of the alchemist's penchant for trying to create a spyglass himself - Ianto glanced sidelong at Remi when he was regarded with such scepticism.

"Star whales," he repeated with a cheeky grin. "I've never seen one in person, but I swear, the Fae are always on the look out for them. They leave trails of stardust, and the Fae believe they can tell the future from it. I don't know how real they are, but there aren't many of them left anyway..."