Sam nodded, having no idea of Jigano's distaste for Maea's mission. True, he knew the other man had not come to the meeting, but he knew Jigano was often busy.
Jigano agreed to listen to his story and he took a moment to center himself, try to think of the right way to say it. But no matter how long he took, he knew it would all come out in a panicked rush, for that was just how it always happened. "Well...I...it is an odd thing to confess because I do not feel like it was me that did it..." He realised that was probably a confusing way to start and tried again.
"I assume last time we spoke, I told you I was having difficulties with Remi. It says as much in my diary. Well...um...I...I knew he was going through a hard time, and I felt like all I was doing was bothering him with my...well, me, and my feelings..." The word feelings was said as if it were obviously dirty, something no one would want. "And he's probably too good for me anyway, and I was hurting, a lot. Loving him and having him not know me. So I...I..."
Sam looked up into Jigano's eyes, hoped in vain that his friend might understand. "I asked The Voice to erase my memories of him. And I sent him a letter...I haven't seen it, but I know I didn't write it properly. And I...I regret it so much now. I hurt Remi, and I hurt myself, because I so wish I could remember. It was such a foolish, idiotic thing to do. But I don't...know how to handle...that...sort of thing." Shaking his head, Sam sunk even further into himself, his face buried in his knees.
"I do hope you still want to talk to me, even though I have done such a thing. I...I know it's not the kind of behaviour expected of the guild..."
Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child
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