Sam began his tale and Jigano tilted his head curiously, doing what he could to keep his expression open and neutral. He ached and raged for his lost friends, not knowing whether they were dead or alive, but Sam was here with him now and needed him, too, and he swallowed his own pain to tend to the bookmaker’s. At first it sounded as though the other man had been possessed, perhaps driven by some compulsion of the Voice… but then it shifted to something even more confusing, and the bard had to fight to keep a frown of confusion from marring his expression. Sam didn’t remember their last conversation? He’d had to read about it in his diary? Had Ludo taken his memories as well for some transgression?
The way Sam stumbled over the word ‘feelings’ did elicit a wince, one Jigano quickly smoothed away, though this time a small frown of disagreement furrowed his brow at hearing that the bookmaker thought himself ‘not good enough’ for the alchemist. Firstly because it just wasn’t true, and secondly because it wasn’t right for a man as kind and good as Sam to think himself worth less than anyone else.
He met his friend’s eyes squarely, biting back his protests, knowing that if he interrupted Sam the other man might not be able to find his courage again to finish a tale that was clearly so painful. He had thought that this was another thing that had been to a mortal, against their will, and he was fiercely on the bookmaker’s side in that moment.
Until he heard that Sam had asked, consciously, willingly, for his memories to be removed, and Jigano drew in a short, sharp breath. He bit his tongue hard against his first response, and his second, forcing himself to let the other man finish, even as the ginger seemed to deflate into himself, hiding his shame and guilt along with his face. Jigano drew in a slow breath, then another, trying to decide how he wanted to respond. There was so much already happening, so much spiraling out of his control, that some small, selfish part of him railed that it wasn’t fair to have this burden put on his shoulders at the same time that the rest of his world was falling apart!
…But when had the world ever been fair to him? AndSamuel had just offered to help do something dangerous, during the day when his abilities as an Ascended would be at their lowest ebb. He could not forget that offer, even juxtaposed as it was against this new revelation, and after a long few moments he let out a careful sigh, drawing his poise back around himself and reaching out to rest a light hand on Sam’s shoulder.
”Sam… you already know that what you did was… unwise. I will not judge whether it was right or wrong for you at the time, but you know I am not happy that you made that choice. Both for myself, and for the guild. I could lecture you, I suppose… but what would be the point? You regret what you did, and you are punishing yourself more than anyone else ever could. And even though I may disagree with your decision, it doesn’t change that we are still friends. I just hope that this is a mistake that you learn from, that even memories which are painful are precious.”
The way Sam stumbled over the word ‘feelings’ did elicit a wince, one Jigano quickly smoothed away, though this time a small frown of disagreement furrowed his brow at hearing that the bookmaker thought himself ‘not good enough’ for the alchemist. Firstly because it just wasn’t true, and secondly because it wasn’t right for a man as kind and good as Sam to think himself worth less than anyone else.
He met his friend’s eyes squarely, biting back his protests, knowing that if he interrupted Sam the other man might not be able to find his courage again to finish a tale that was clearly so painful. He had thought that this was another thing that had been to a mortal, against their will, and he was fiercely on the bookmaker’s side in that moment.
Until he heard that Sam had asked, consciously, willingly, for his memories to be removed, and Jigano drew in a short, sharp breath. He bit his tongue hard against his first response, and his second, forcing himself to let the other man finish, even as the ginger seemed to deflate into himself, hiding his shame and guilt along with his face. Jigano drew in a slow breath, then another, trying to decide how he wanted to respond. There was so much already happening, so much spiraling out of his control, that some small, selfish part of him railed that it wasn’t fair to have this burden put on his shoulders at the same time that the rest of his world was falling apart!
…But when had the world ever been fair to him? And
”Sam… you already know that what you did was… unwise. I will not judge whether it was right or wrong for you at the time, but you know I am not happy that you made that choice. Both for myself, and for the guild. I could lecture you, I suppose… but what would be the point? You regret what you did, and you are punishing yourself more than anyone else ever could. And even though I may disagree with your decision, it doesn’t change that we are still friends. I just hope that this is a mistake that you learn from, that even memories which are painful are precious.”
