Unfortunately for the family, Loren wasn’t the shy, subservient person he’d been back in Northaven. Nothing really had changed, but there was one important difference: this wasn’t Northaven, and therefore everything was up in the air. There were no Hawthornes, no oath, no overwhelming need to be obedient. Beyond that, he was strong enough that even Zariah might think twice before tangling him. It wouldn’t stop her—very little did, from trying at least—but it might slow her down long enough for him to beat a hasty retreat and come back to fight another day.
And for some reason, the family ganging up on him (which very much felt like old times) was triggering all his worst instincts. So though he objectively knew better, he found himself closing off and going on the defensive. However, this whole encounter was just going to show him that the Launceleyns, for all their claims of being a close-knit group, really didn’t listen to one another or care, didn’t know how to compromise. He was asking for a something relatively small, in the grand scheme of things, and instead of respecting his wishes or at least trying to understand him they were just badgering him to get what they wanted. He was sick and tired of always putting others before himself when it seemed his relatives were only capable of considering their own needs. No more. If he didn’t make a firm stand here he’d just find them all falling into the same old self-destructive patterns of before.
Edrei needed to grow up, Zariah needed to learn how to manage people effective if she was going to remain head of the family, and as for Beatrix, well, she was precocious but maybe needed a lesson in manners. If Loren had talked back to a Launceleyn elder at her age (like Edy seemed to always do) he would’ve been slapped down hard; the fact that he wasn’t erupting was a testament to his patience. So, when he spoke, it was cooly polite, if tinged with a bit of snarkiness. ”Living under the same roof doesn’t guarantee we’d be together either, as evidenced by my own experiences in the Launceleyn compound.” Even if they were physically in the same space, Loren had been ostracized quite effectively, to the point where he felt he was an outcast. Zariah and Edy and Beatrix couldn’t understand that: they’d been placed on pedastals while he’d been pushed away and locked out until very very recently. He still remembered what it felt like—being an outsider in his own home hurt more than he could say—and he had no intention of allowing that to happen again.
If they wanted to be a real family it would take more than living under the same roof. If Edy didn’t get that, she was dumber than he’d realized. ”There aren’t any houses period, not really, so we’ll be building from scratch no matter what we decide on.” That was just an indisputable fact. Turning to Zariah, Loren regarded the woman with a dispassionate expression. Except for his eyes: they contained a depth of emotion he usually hid away for fear of being hurt. ”You’re right, you can’t force me to do anything I don’t want to, not anymore.” Saying it aloud filled him with a thrilling delight; Zariah could kill him, maybe, but she’d have to find other ways of coercing him rather than raw power. He wouldn’t bow his head, not after he’d come so far.
Honestly, he thought he was being quite reasonable and was trying to actual find a solution to seemingly incompatible desires. ”I don’t see how I could get much closer than living next door with an adjoining entrance. I’d actually be closer than I was in Northaven, where, I would point out, I lived on my own and no one minded.” He took a deep breath and looked Edy in the eyes, though he spoke to all three of them. ”But regardless of where I actually end up, I will always be a part of this family and will support you and be there for you in whatever way I can.” He just wasn’t going to sacrifice his own happiness to do it ever again.
Meeting Remi right now was absolutely out of the question. ”It’s still too new for that, but I appreciate you saying that. If it works out, maybe someday.” He wasn’t hiding Remi away—well, not intentionally—but he wanted to know if they actually had a relationship (which required seeing him) before introducing the Launceleyns to the concept. No doubt they’d want to meddle and judge and would be horrified but Loren refused to feel shame.
As for Beatrix, he knelt down and gave her a brief smile, though sorrow lurked in his eyes. ”I do have reasons, Bea. I can’t tell you everything, but the family was very very mean to me for a very long time, which means I am sometimes mean back to them. I’m sorry about that, and I’m trying to get better about it and be more comfortable and open with you all.” Looking up at Zariah and Edy, the smile slipped away. ”But trying to force me into it is just going to drive me away.” He was being perfectly honest, in a way he rarely was around people whose blood he shared. But it felt important to state it out loud in no uncertain terms. LOREN Brought back by satisfaction more times than the cat
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I’m shaking my head & locking the gates
