as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
Ashe wasn’t sure what she expected with Phoebe examined her. She knew what the midwife would be doing, but how long had it been since she let anyone touch her so boldly? She sucked in a sharp breath as her hands pressed over her skin, muscles tensing, heart racing, and she nearly leaped up from the sofa then and there as Phoebe’s hand drifted lower. Stop stop stop stop---
The words almost burst from her mouth and she braced her hands against the couch, but then Phoebe pulled at her attention. Ashe was still for a moment, staring down at the midwife, to her exposed stomach, and the thin scar that draped across her abdomen. ”Relax. Right,” she huffed, and she forced herself to release the breath she had been holding. She never took her eyes off of Phoebe as she continued the examination, tracking her every move.
As soon as it was over, Ashe was quick to sit up from her vulnerable position, swallowing roughly. She flashed a tight smile, nodding gratefully as Phoebe assured her it was alright. Years outside the Guild now, and still the norms of the world were forgotten more often than not. Waiting until daylight for visits, not spending her days on rooftops, letting a midwife touch her --- normal things that still escaped her.
A then.. not pregnant. The relief that crashed into her was more than she expected, and she let out a sigh as her hands raked through her hair. She listened in silence as the girl explained her malnourishment, every bit of it making sense. Ashe had never gone as long without nourishment as she just had, but she was no stranger to the havoc it could wreak on her body.
”Considering all I’ve eaten for months is scrub root and lizard when I could find one for the last two seasons,” she said, leaning forward to fold her hands in her lap. ”I can’t say I don’t appreciate a tonic.” She needed to get back into fighting shape---she was in pitiful condition now that she was sure she wasn’t pregnant. What would she have done? Without Kalt here… her face fell, her eyes dropping to the floor with her shoulders caving inwards. Theea’s grinning face flashed in her mind’s eye, and her throat tightened.
”My monthly stopping… this, uh.. It won’t prevent me from...from having any in the future, will it?” Her heart raced just asking the question, but gods, she was woefully ignorant to these topics. She had grown up with men and only men, raised by them and with them. She bit her lip and glanced up at Phoebe with an uncharacteristically raw look. Why was she even asking? Was it something she wanted one day? With him? If he ever even comes home, idiot girl.
The words almost burst from her mouth and she braced her hands against the couch, but then Phoebe pulled at her attention. Ashe was still for a moment, staring down at the midwife, to her exposed stomach, and the thin scar that draped across her abdomen. ”Relax. Right,” she huffed, and she forced herself to release the breath she had been holding. She never took her eyes off of Phoebe as she continued the examination, tracking her every move.
As soon as it was over, Ashe was quick to sit up from her vulnerable position, swallowing roughly. She flashed a tight smile, nodding gratefully as Phoebe assured her it was alright. Years outside the Guild now, and still the norms of the world were forgotten more often than not. Waiting until daylight for visits, not spending her days on rooftops, letting a midwife touch her --- normal things that still escaped her.
A then.. not pregnant. The relief that crashed into her was more than she expected, and she let out a sigh as her hands raked through her hair. She listened in silence as the girl explained her malnourishment, every bit of it making sense. Ashe had never gone as long without nourishment as she just had, but she was no stranger to the havoc it could wreak on her body.
”Considering all I’ve eaten for months is scrub root and lizard when I could find one for the last two seasons,” she said, leaning forward to fold her hands in her lap. ”I can’t say I don’t appreciate a tonic.” She needed to get back into fighting shape---she was in pitiful condition now that she was sure she wasn’t pregnant. What would she have done? Without Kalt here… her face fell, her eyes dropping to the floor with her shoulders caving inwards. Theea’s grinning face flashed in her mind’s eye, and her throat tightened.
”My monthly stopping… this, uh.. It won’t prevent me from...from having any in the future, will it?” Her heart raced just asking the question, but gods, she was woefully ignorant to these topics. She had grown up with men and only men, raised by them and with them. She bit her lip and glanced up at Phoebe with an uncharacteristically raw look. Why was she even asking? Was it something she wanted one day? With him? If he ever even comes home, idiot girl.
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
