as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
Phoebe assured her, and Ashe nodded as she took the information with careful gratitude. Then she went on to say when she was ready and her eyes went wide as she looked up at the midwife. "Oh no, I'm not---I mean I won't be---" She pressed her lips together, looking down to the tea on the table. "Right. If I do. Can't make that decision when my other half is missing." She wasn't ready to say it was what she wanted. She wasn't ready to say she never wanted it, either. It was never in a million years something she considered in her cards, not even possible. And with her family missing...
She listened in silence as Phoebe listed off instructions with a kind and clinical tone. Eat, sleep, supplements, tonic, exercise... Ashe slowly reached out to take the sack from her. Did she really need all of that? Sleep... that would be the tough one. She had finally begun sleeping better, often draped over Kalt or curled against him. But now? Without him? It hadn't been since before the storms that she got more than a few hours at once.
Ashe nodded. "A month.. right." She swallowed, thinking through it all. Just malnourished. Not having a baby. And she still could one day, if she wanted. It didn't matter anyways, did it? Her mate was missing, too far away for even their bond, and their daughter with him. It didn't matter if she trusted him to keep her safe while she was near defenseless for a year, it didn't matter if she ever wanted that with him. It didn't matter, because she was alone, and he was it.
She rose to her feet with a shakey breath, giving a nod to Phoebe. "I'll let you get back to sleep," she said, looking regretfully to the door. Not like she would be sleeping. There was a rooftop and a bottle of rum with her name on it, and she wanted nothing more than to numb all the wounds throbbing in her chest now. The clear blue eyes of Kalt and Theea both haunted her, emptiness clawing in her belly. She'd go and wallow until the sun rose, or train, but she'd bothered Phoebe enough. Her voice was rough as she went on. "Thanks for.. all this. Sorry for waking you."
She listened in silence as Phoebe listed off instructions with a kind and clinical tone. Eat, sleep, supplements, tonic, exercise... Ashe slowly reached out to take the sack from her. Did she really need all of that? Sleep... that would be the tough one. She had finally begun sleeping better, often draped over Kalt or curled against him. But now? Without him? It hadn't been since before the storms that she got more than a few hours at once.
Ashe nodded. "A month.. right." She swallowed, thinking through it all. Just malnourished. Not having a baby. And she still could one day, if she wanted. It didn't matter anyways, did it? Her mate was missing, too far away for even their bond, and their daughter with him. It didn't matter if she trusted him to keep her safe while she was near defenseless for a year, it didn't matter if she ever wanted that with him. It didn't matter, because she was alone, and he was it.
She rose to her feet with a shakey breath, giving a nod to Phoebe. "I'll let you get back to sleep," she said, looking regretfully to the door. Not like she would be sleeping. There was a rooftop and a bottle of rum with her name on it, and she wanted nothing more than to numb all the wounds throbbing in her chest now. The clear blue eyes of Kalt and Theea both haunted her, emptiness clawing in her belly. She'd go and wallow until the sun rose, or train, but she'd bothered Phoebe enough. Her voice was rough as she went on. "Thanks for.. all this. Sorry for waking you."
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
