"Everyone likes to think 'but you should have or could have just done this instead'," he growled, reaching up to massage the bridge of his nose, feeling the tension headache rising again. "But none of you were there, most of you don't know Edy particularly well, and clearly no one trusted how I read the situation. I begged Edy to tell me what she was thinking, why she had called me there. She turned it into a test of trust, instead, pushing me into a corner where I either let her have her way or I ran and burned our friendship down. So I fucking stayed and let her make me king, hoping that I could then turn that power and renewed trust around and bring Ronin in. And it worked, until whatever the hell went down between them when she insisted on going to invite him to the party by herself. But I still don't think she would have listened to a word I had to say if I hadn't accepted her offer. She would have pouted and kicked me out for spurning her, I would have been on the shitlist of another Queen, and it would just be her and Wessex alone by now." Maybe that wasn't the worst-case scenario, but it was bad enough. And he hadn't known Wessex was in the picture at that point anyways; he hadn't known who else Edrei might ask, if she would even try to ask anyone else. "But everyone else seems to know better, thinks it would have been so easy to just walk away from a friend who was afraid and on edge over what she'd been forced into by her cousin - and even if she had listened to me after I said no, and she asked Ronin instead... Well. He turned her down the first time, didn't he? So how would that have been any better?" If he'd done that, they'd have called him a coward and a fool for squandering the chance to get a member of their resistance into a position of power. From the moment Edy had set her mind on putting a crown on his head he had been royally fucked, no matter what path he chose.
Blue eyes burned in the reflected lantern light as he looked at her, frustration seething and bubbling at her willful refusal to understand. "I accepted the power in order to share it with one more worthy. I had hoped that Ronin would accept the kingship as well and that I would be able to support him, overriding Edrei two to one if we needed to. When that was no longer needed, I could step down, yes, because I was trying to find a way to put Ronin in power without resorting to violence against Edy. But when Ronin refused and then everyone decided they knew Edy and the situation better than I? Holding onto power for the sake of having it was a betrayal, yes."
He had turned away by the time she spoke of finding and leaving, and he didn't have the energy to even laugh at the absurdity of the statement. "No, fear not, I didn't expect anyone to 'come and find me,'" he said, the words dripping with bitterness from his tongue. He hadn't expected anything at all, while the fever had taken hold of him and he did... whatever it was he had done, between leaving Rory's house and waking up in the Glade. No one would search for him the way Ashetta did for Kalt. No one besides Rory would mourn his passage the way they had for Ronin. "Gods forfend that a friend be inconvenient." He could have told her the truth, could have told her of the sickness... but his temper was twisting fiercely, leaving him stubborn and intractable as he leaned against the wall for support.
"You heard the answers back then," he pointed out, anger and weariness warring on the tight lines of this face. "You didn't like them then. Why do you think that would have changed now?" He lashed out suddenly, striking the wall with the side of a shivering fist, flesh smacking with a dull thump against stone. "Be as angry as you want. There's none that would defend me, and I'm getting tired of defending myself from the same accusations." It was amazing how wise and adept at navigating Edy's moods everyone else suddenly had suddenly become, knowing what she would have accepted and gone along with, if only they had been in the room with her instead of him. It was in the past now, and they'd never know for sure... but gods least fortunate, they certainly enjoyed telling him how they would have handled things differently, and that was where the trust had fallen apart.
He glanced back down at her, at the shivering of her whiskers and the uneasy shifting of her tail, and he let out a sudden, explosive sigh. "Go to the Infirmary," he grumbled gruffly. "There's an autumn fever going around. You should get it burned out of you before it gets worse."
Blue eyes burned in the reflected lantern light as he looked at her, frustration seething and bubbling at her willful refusal to understand. "I accepted the power in order to share it with one more worthy. I had hoped that Ronin would accept the kingship as well and that I would be able to support him, overriding Edrei two to one if we needed to. When that was no longer needed, I could step down, yes, because I was trying to find a way to put Ronin in power without resorting to violence against Edy. But when Ronin refused and then everyone decided they knew Edy and the situation better than I? Holding onto power for the sake of having it was a betrayal, yes."
He had turned away by the time she spoke of finding and leaving, and he didn't have the energy to even laugh at the absurdity of the statement. "No, fear not, I didn't expect anyone to 'come and find me,'" he said, the words dripping with bitterness from his tongue. He hadn't expected anything at all, while the fever had taken hold of him and he did... whatever it was he had done, between leaving Rory's house and waking up in the Glade. No one would search for him the way Ashetta did for Kalt. No one besides Rory would mourn his passage the way they had for Ronin. "Gods forfend that a friend be inconvenient." He could have told her the truth, could have told her of the sickness... but his temper was twisting fiercely, leaving him stubborn and intractable as he leaned against the wall for support.
"You heard the answers back then," he pointed out, anger and weariness warring on the tight lines of this face. "You didn't like them then. Why do you think that would have changed now?" He lashed out suddenly, striking the wall with the side of a shivering fist, flesh smacking with a dull thump against stone. "Be as angry as you want. There's none that would defend me, and I'm getting tired of defending myself from the same accusations." It was amazing how wise and adept at navigating Edy's moods everyone else suddenly had suddenly become, knowing what she would have accepted and gone along with, if only they had been in the room with her instead of him. It was in the past now, and they'd never know for sure... but gods least fortunate, they certainly enjoyed telling him how they would have handled things differently, and that was where the trust had fallen apart.
He glanced back down at her, at the shivering of her whiskers and the uneasy shifting of her tail, and he let out a sudden, explosive sigh. "Go to the Infirmary," he grumbled gruffly. "There's an autumn fever going around. You should get it burned out of you before it gets worse."
