There was catharsis in putting words to what he had felt, had been feeling, growing in him over time. When he finished it was not only his hands which shook, but his shoulders as well at the release of the emotions. Even knowing that it was Ludo he spoke with it was somehow easier to explain himself to Isla's blue gaze, and he was grateful for the god's mercy in giving him that gift, however bittersweet it was.
When he was finished he felt wrung out, as exhausted as if he had been running, but he raised his head to listen to Ludo's words, spoken in Isla's husky voice. The first three words were a benediction, but the next were a warning he was too vulnerable to deny the need for. Guilt had driven so much of what he did. Did his need to atone color his decision to seek out Ludo and pledge himself to Mort? Yes, however much he might wish it otherwise. He was what he was, and though he sought to make something better of himself, he did not always succeed.
Sometimes he failed and backslid in truly spectacular ways.
He watched Ludo-as-Isla stand, though he remained on the ground, cuddling Isuma and running soothing fingers over the gryphlet's feathers as she peeped brightly up at the godmother she had missed in her human form. It was relief that washed through him at the soul guide's words, and he bowed his head obediently. It was the nature of faith, but more importantly, it was a ray of hope, and a willingness to give him a chance. That was what he had been seeking without realizing it, what he had found with Rory, who had given him a place on Caido and a home.
"Thank you," he spoke, looking up with a lightness in his eyes, a weight that had not been lifted, but had shifted to settle more comfortably on his shoulders. "I will do my best for you both."
When he was finished he felt wrung out, as exhausted as if he had been running, but he raised his head to listen to Ludo's words, spoken in Isla's husky voice. The first three words were a benediction, but the next were a warning he was too vulnerable to deny the need for. Guilt had driven so much of what he did. Did his need to atone color his decision to seek out Ludo and pledge himself to Mort? Yes, however much he might wish it otherwise. He was what he was, and though he sought to make something better of himself, he did not always succeed.
Sometimes he failed and backslid in truly spectacular ways.
He watched Ludo-as-Isla stand, though he remained on the ground, cuddling Isuma and running soothing fingers over the gryphlet's feathers as she peeped brightly up at the godmother she had missed in her human form. It was relief that washed through him at the soul guide's words, and he bowed his head obediently. It was the nature of faith, but more importantly, it was a ray of hope, and a willingness to give him a chance. That was what he had been seeking without realizing it, what he had found with Rory, who had given him a place on Caido and a home.
"Thank you," he spoke, looking up with a lightness in his eyes, a weight that had not been lifted, but had shifted to settle more comfortably on his shoulders. "I will do my best for you both."
