Carpe Noctem

Nothing happened, and Jigano sighed as Sam's explanation made an unfortunate amount of sense. "It still seems strange that it should have been left in the center of this empty room..." Though maybe not so strange, not really. As Sam had pointed out, hybrid metal things were usually related to the Ascended. Would they even work for someone who wasn't Ascended? Probably not... especially if that person was also Attuned.

The Gods were not generally inclined towards sharing, from what he had seen.

He studied the device a few moments longer, a thoughtful expression on his face as he turned it over in his trembling hands. It had fit comfortably in his ear, being the right shape and size for it. Perhaps it was something that would enhance an Ascended's hearing? That would fit with what he had learned of the types of upgrades that the Voice had been experimenting with in the past. But Sam was currently enamored of the goddess such that Jigano was uncertain of the bookmaker's better judgment when it came to something she might ask of him.

"Well, perhaps we can study it later," he suggested, slipping it into one of the pockets in his sleeve, giving his friend a wan smile. He glanced back to the stairs, considering trying to go up another flight...

But, gods least fortunate, there was a weariness in his bones. He rose carefully, grimacing a little at how the cold stone had leached what little warmth he had until he felt frozen through. "Perhaps this is enough excitement for one night." He offered his friend his hand, though he looked like he could barely support himself. "I'll see about getting a proper set of lockpicks and we can try again another night. What do you think?"

Sam watched as Jigano turned the little device over in his hands, sighed as he saw how they shook. It was terrifying, to see such an obvious sign of illness in his friend, whom he had always considered to be strong and invincible. It seemed worse than it had done when they entered the Spire, even, and he felt a pang of fear in his chest that it could degenerate before his eyes so quickly. He had always prepared for this, knowing that his immortality (or close enough) would mean the loss of friends who were less fortunate, but he was not prepared for it, not yet. He was relieved then, when Jigano said they had had enough for one day. "Yes. That sounds fine to me." He stood and helped Jigano up too, then looked down the stairs. He knew it would likely not be taken well if he offered to hold his friends arm, so instead he simply set off first again. "Can I...could I walk you home, Jigano? Just to make sure you are alright?" Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

He allowed himself to be helped up and lifted his lantern to give them (well, him) light on the way back. The white glow was stark against the black substance of the Spire, and he glanced over his shoulder into the now-empty room one last time with a frown before following the red head of his friend back down.

He took the steps more slowly, leaning on the wall for support, though his pride snapped through his weariness at the thought of asking his companion for help. His lips tightened, white and thin for a moment at Sam's suggestion, and for a moment he seemed on the edge of refusing.

But Rory wouldn't forgive him if he passed out in the fields and froze to death in the cold Leafchange night, so he simple sighed and nodded. "I suppose. If you must." He frowned, rubbing a hand over his arm as if to chafe warmth back into it, though the gesture was useless. "Gods least fortunate, I wish I could just get warm again. It feels like it's already Deepfrost in here." In spite of his petty grumbling it really wasn't that cold inside the Spire. Not yet, at least, but in a few more weeks they would find out how cold the snow could make it.

"How is Mia doing these days?" It was abrupt, an almost rude change of topic, but weariness was shifting towards irritability at their lack of success in finding out the Voice's secrets, and the bard was desperate for a distraction lest he being snapping at his friend.

Sam could feel Jigano's hesitation in the air after his offer of help and prepared himself to hear a harsh telling off back, but it seemed like his friend decided to swallow his pride. "I haven't seen your home. I'm curious." He said, hoping that providing another reason would make Jigano feel a little better. "Maybe I could...maybe if things get better between me and Remi, when Ronin is..." Dead? No, that wasn't what he meant, though he felt it unlikely the situation was going to end any other way. "...better, I could ask him to make you something that will keep you warm." The change of subject was abrupt indeed and Sam took a second to answer, his brain playing catch up. "Oh, she's fine. As cuddly as ever. She likes to come between me and Nathaniel in bed in the mornings." He laughed, not realising for the moment what he'd just said. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"It's not my home," he said wearily, wondering how to explain it to Sam. "Not really." He scowled at the red head's back as they descended, scratching idly at his arm, feeling a dark annoyance curling up in his breast at the bookmaker's constant misunderstandings, his willful obliviousness to anything that didn't suit his book-bordered world. "It's Rory's farm. His house. His home." The building mattered not at all to the bard, not compared to the man who lived in it. But he was beginning to lose sight of even that at times, when the rages took him and he couldn't remember what it felt like to love or be loved.

Mention of Ronin at least sobered him, for he had no trouble hearing the word that Sam left unspoken, changing at the last second to a more optimistic - if fundamentally wrong - one. He barked a dark laugh, not quite human in the Spire's shadows, and shook his head. "If he could make something like that, he'd already have done it for Ronin," the bard sneered bitterly. "And if we wait until Ronin is 'better' it'll be too late for me, as well."

Mia was a desperate grab at something innocuous, a gentler topic of conversation that he could turn his crumbling attention to and keep hold of his uneven temper. Isuma's friend, the sweet-tempered kitten, fluffy and playful, was always a reason for cheer. The description of her was soothing, and for a moment Jigano thought he would be able to regain his emotional equilibrium. Between me and Nathaniel in bed put a nail in that coffin, however, and his voice came out remarkably - deceptively - mild. "Oh? I thought he slept on the couch." Or so the story had gone when he had visited the bookmaker's home in... was it Flowerbirth? How swiftly time had flown. It was no wonder, then, that the tenant had gone from friend to lover, sharing the same roof as they did.

"...Well, it's still where you stay." Sam said quietly, but he didn't want to argue too much. Jigano sounded irritated, and those tones on his friends voice were so rare they immediately made him feel unnerved. That feeling only amplified when Jigano snapped back at him about Remi and Sam had to blink back scared tears, knowing they were stupid but unable to stop the instinctual response. "Sorry. Um..y-you're right." He nodded, cursing himself as stupid in his head. His feeling of dread only increased when Jigano asked if Nate slept on the couch and he realised what he'd said. For some reason, he was sure Jigano was going to be mad. As he walked down to the first door and past it, he thought of what to say. "Well...um...he sleeps in my bed now.  I...bit him, once, because I needed to drink and things ah...developed, from there. I don't really know what to..call it...but he sleeps in my bed." Awkwardly he cleared his throat and hoped there would not be too many questions.{/b} Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

The only response Sam received to his quiet comment was an inhuman growl, but he gave little for Jigano to latch onto and the bard focused on making it down a few more stairs before mention of Remi and Ronin had his temper rising, fresh and harsh as he snapped at the bookmaker. This time the apology set his teeth on edge and he snarled as he spoke. "Gods least fortunate, must you always snivel like that?"

The attempt to shift the conversation to Mia devolved almost as quickly, Jigano watching Sam's back incredulously. "You did it again? Didn't you learn your lesson with Remi the first time? Or are you going to go throw your memories away to the Voice when this one forgets you and moves on without you, too?" At the rate he was going, Sam wouldn't have any memories left. He'd be regressed to the age of a child in his mind. Not that he wasn't already, the blighted bard thought uncharitably. It was like he wanted to get hurt, just to feel something. What a stupid way to live.

"Let me guess," he sneered, clever voice sharp-edged with mockery. "He's too lazy to bother fixing up a home of his own, so he's living with you because you're too spineless to stand up for yourself and kick him out?"

Jigano threw insult after insult at him, his voice twisted into an almost evil sneer that Sam had never heard in his friend before. At first, he was upset, panicked; despite the fact that he was clearly the stronger of the two he felt in danger. The words cut right to his insecurities. Jigano had always been smart, he supposed. Intuitive. And now he could use that ability to know where just to press for Sam. But then...perhaps it was the shreds of self-worth Sam had picked up over the last months, or perhaps it was just the time for it to happen, but he turned around. "That...That's quite enough, Jigano." He said firmly, his voice anxious but steady. Looking over his guildmaster and seeing the clear signs of illness on him, he felt more pity than he did anger in the moment. "You are not feeling well and I think it's making you talk like that. You wouldn't....my friend wouldn't be like that to me. If you want to keep being so rude, then we can stay silent for the rest of the walk." He lifted his chin and met Jigano's eyes with his own. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Of all the things the rabbit could have done, turning to face him wasn't a possibility in the blighted bard's mind. He looked his friend over incredulously as Sam stopped and put his metaphorical foot down. It would have been hilariously ineffective except that the shock of it widened blue eyes and for a moment Jigano stood speechless on the steps above the bookmaker, looking down on him (in every sense of the word).

Nor did Sam waste that moment, speaking his mind firmly and without much hesitation in one of the first displays of truly serious self-confidence under pressure that Jigano had seen from his friend. If it had been a different time, he would have been bursting with pride at the way the redhead was standing up for himself...

But if it had been a different time, Sam wouldn't have needed to stand up to Jigano.

It was an irony that was lost on the blight-addled bard, but not so far that he couldn't react as the bookish young man uttered his ultimatum. A harsh back of laughter passed his lips and he dropped the lantern he had been carrying. Instead he grabbed one of the needles he'd been trying to adapt into a lockpick, holding out his hand to Sam and jabbing it into the meat of his palm. With his shaking hands and the way the tip had been dulled during his earlier efforts, the puncture was far from clean. He snarled at the pain, pulling the bent tip free and letting the blood well up. The lantern's magical light continued to burn steadily, the only shadows caused by Jigano's own trembling as the red blood from the small cut ran over his hand, revealing the thick black tar streaking through it.

"My friend wouldn't have helped the Voice spread her Blight all over the Greatwood," he shot back, fury in his eyes as his blue gaze grew dark with more than just anger. A visible blackness seemed to crawl at the edges of his eyes, exacerbated by his rage. "You did this, Sam. And you can damn well live with the consequences!"

Once again, silence spun out between them. With one hand, Sam fiddled with the bottom of his shirt, the only outward display of the great well of anxiety spilling over inside him. He had very rarely stood up for himself and the few times he had, it had not gone well. It seemed this was not going to be an exception. Jigano's words cut deep and he stared, wide eyed, nothing to say. He held immense guilt about his role in the Blight (if he did indeed spread it, which he did not yet know) and especially in regards to Jigano and Ronin having it. He opened his mouth then shut it, then looked up to the ceiling as he tried to hold back tears. "...F...Fine. If that's how you feel, I'll leave you alone." Swiftly, he turned and tried to run down the stairs and out the door as quickly as he could. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

The bard stood trembling in his fury, looking down on the bookmaker both literally and figuratively from the higher stair. He didn't know what he wanted from Sam; he didn't really want anything except to lash out and cause pain and misery to rival his own as the darkness gnawed at his soul like a worm through a rotting apple. Perhaps he had hoped that the Ascended man's newfound spine would hold up to a prolonged argument, but he wasn't prepared for Sam simply leaving.

For long moments Jigano simply stood, staring after the place where his friend had stood, teeth grinding impotently as his shaking hands flexed around his staff. Then he realized that Sam was running away from him. Sam was running. From him.

As swiftly as the rage had built and taken control, it left him in an exhale of quiet cursing. A season ago he would have waited, thinking that he could apologize later--

But a season ago it wouldn't have happened at all.

And by the time the snows fell there might not be enough of him left make an apology.

The staff clattered to the stairs, dropped as hands became feathers and arms became wings. He couldn't catch an Ascended running at night on his own two feet, but he could fly much faster than he could run, and he forced his white wings to carry him down the tricky spiral of the tower, trading grace for speed until he could catch the redhead just before the exit. Once the Ascended man was outside Jigano knew he might never see him in the dark, and he turned back into his human form in a stumbling, graceless landing on the bottom steps.

"Sam, wait!" he called, fearing it was already too late as he panted little clouds of smoke into the chill autumn air. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry that I... Don't believe any of it, please!"

The stairs seemed to be much longer than he remembered when he was trying to leave, Sam descending as fast as he could while staying steady, a hand on the wall hurting when he caught uneven spots in the stone but he couldn't care, not when he had to get away from Jigano's sharp tongue. He doesn't mean it, he assured himself, but it was easy enough to argue with that. What if the Blight, instead of making people irrationally angry, just let them express what they actually thought? The ideas had to come from somewhere, right? Perhaps Jigano had always thought those things, had told them to the other guildmembers in secret meetings with a laugh on his lips and a mocking eye. The cry stopped him just as he reached the door, hand on the edge of the exit. He stood still, unsure if this was some kind of trick. Often, his parents had given him a scrap of kindness just to snatch it away again and he had become wary of swift apologies. But despite that, and all his suspicions, he could not run away from his first and best friend on Caido, not when he sounded so desperate. Slowly, he turned and chewing on his lip, looked Jigano up and down. "...Truthfully? You didn't mean any of it? Not even the bit about Nate?" Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Somehow he had made it in time, his apology reaching the one it was intended for. Jigano caught his balance, panting and distressed as Sam hesitated in the doorway of the Spire. Would the bookmaker believe him? Could he? Poison had spat from the bard's tongue, his words as evenomed as a spider's fangs, and no matter that the cause of it had been illness and weakness and a hatred not his own they had still struck deep.

Sam turned to face him, blue eyes wounded and uncertain, and Jigano winced, flinching away from the pain in them. Pain he had caused, as he had visited upon Rory and Amalia and Kiada. They had done nothing to deserve it, but still he had sniped and snarled like a rabid beast, lashing out to wound the ones he loved the most.

Sam was not the least among that number, and Jigano's heart broke at seeing the distrust in his friend's eyes and in his voice.

"I... I don't know," he admitted, the truth a ragged, painful blade between them. That Samuel focused on Nate was a telling clue, but the bard was far too worried about what he had said to follow up on it. "I don't even know him. I just..." He trailed off, swallowing hard as he stepped back and his heel hit the edge of the stair. He sat down with a thump, covering his eyes with his hand, fingers and thumb digging into his temples on either side as if to squeeze the darkness from his skull. "It's the worst with the people I care about the most." His voice was soft, almost a whisper as the confession was pulled from a reluctant tongue, word by painful word. "The rage seeps in and... all that matters is lashing out, making those close to me hurt as much as I do. The more I love them, the more pain I want to cause them. Rory, Amalia... you. I thought I had it under better control but... it's getting worse."

He dropped his hand, looking back up at Sam with quiet fear and open exhaustion in his darkened blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have called you out here. You... should probably head home first." Just in case.

Now that Jigano was apologising, Sam expected him to deny all that he had said, to chalk it up to madness. the admission of 'I don't know' rubbed salt into the already painful wound. There was truth to it, then? People thought all of that about him, even the ones close to him? For a moment he nearly crossed his arms and replied no, that's right, you don't know him but then Jigano fell down, and he had trouble getting the words out. It was hard to tell how much was his friend and how much was the illness. A long time passed where he looked at Jigano on the ground, holding his own arms. How things had changed that he could be in this position, looking down on his noble friend. He seemed so vulnerable now. Eventually, Sam took steps forward and held out his hand to help Jigano up. "If you cannot speak without trying to hurt me, I will walk you home in silence. Do you think we could do that? I...I cannot in good faith leave you here alone, Jigano." Of all the places to die, the Spire did not seem a good one. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child