we can't make any promises now

Loren stood there, his watery blue eyes staring into Remi’s white and filmy ones. Every instinct screamed at the librarian to look away, but he held his gaze steady, hardly daring to even blink. The other man’s words settled deep into the Launceleyn’s nearly empty soul, reverberating there with an urgency that begged the summoner to do something, anything to escape. Still, he held himself still; even as he flinched when the alchemist admitted Loren was his first love, he kept staring, more scared of what might happen if he looked away than worried about continuing to put himself through this unique agony. Only when Remi finally finished, when Loren was sure that there was nothing more, did he finally close his eyes. They remained shut for a heartbeat. Then a second. A third. Then he lost track: all he knew was that when he finally opened his eyes again, the beat was slow and steady and his eyes were clear. ”Okay.” His voice came out in a painful rasp, and he cleared his throat before he spoke again. ”I can give us a fresh start. I will give us a fresh start.” He had to give them a fresh start, for both their sakes. ”But not today.” It was spoken with more a sense of finality than he’d intended, but it fit. When Loren had said it would take time, he’d meant it. Even if the other man’s memories had been cursed to oblivion, the librarian remembered it all. So he’d need to find a way to come to terms with it all, find a way to stand next to the other man without flinching at every other word. But the Launceleyn couldn’t do that with Remi standing there, so familiar, but at the same time so clearly different. So Loren turned to go, again. However, he paused one last time, throwing a final glance back at the alchemist. ”If you need me for anything, anything at all, I will be there.” The summoner stood there, searching the other man’s face for a hint of something, though the Launceleyn wasn’t sure what. ”But Remi...I said need.” Not want. Because the librarian knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the alchemist would want to reach out the the Launceleyn. It was what made the other man who he was. And that meant Loren had to find some way to keep Remi away. It was what made the summoner who he was. That much hadn't changed. Finally, he left, as he’d wanted to do since the beginning of this whole mess. However, even though he was running away again, it strangely felt like he was running towards something instead. He just wished he dared to dream what it might be. LOREN Not quite an open book