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Phoebe’s concession that she’d choose her words more carefully was all Loren could really ask for, so he simply nodded. ”Thank you. And I’ll have Ronin come to see you about the supplies.” Although the summoner would’ve given her his word that he wouldn’t let the Ascended near the supplies if it would make her more comfortable, the healer had absolutely no reason to trust him.
Seeing as the librarian had won the earlier argument, at least to a point, he didn’t think it worth going back and forth with her about Jigano, especially because Loren really didn’t know the other man that well. Instead, the summoner just trailed along behind her, listening to her passionate words about the college. ”Well, as a magical healer, I think that’s a very admirable goal. And, if you’re looking for students, I was always interested in learning more about medicine.” It was the least he could offer, especially because it sounded like he wouldn’t have to do anything about it for a while, until they got classes sorted out. Besides, as she said, it would be useful for him to not have to rely upon his magic all the time. Worst case it would just allow him to be more precise with his spells.
The midwife simply nodded at Loren’s comment about Ronin, falling silent. She was sure Ronin would be angry, but she wasn’t going to back down on this. She needed to protect their supplies in case the Voice was using the Ascended to spread the illness.
But the blonde glanced over at the Launceleyn as he spoke of the college, her eyes narrowing slightly in confusion at his words. ”You…want to join as a student?” she said, surprise coloring her words. After spending his time wearing her down to at least not argue with him – and agree to some things in a few cases – she didn’t take him as the sort that thought they could be taught. Or wanted to be for that matter. ”Aren’t Launceleyn’s supposed to covet magical power above all else? Why would you want to learn something other than that?” she asked.
Phoebe’s response was amusing, not that Loren would ever tell her that. Still, he grinned at her tone when she expressed confusion about him wanting to be a student. ”I do. What, did you expect me to ask for a faculty position?” His smile slipped away when she brought up his family, however. ”Why not? What did all that power get us?” He frowned, deeply saddened at how far his kin had fallen in such a short time. ”They’re all dead, or missing. I and a few children, who are understandably avoiding me, and an adopted man who flinches at his own shadow, are the only ones left. I don't know how magic can help any of us now. And power corrupted the queen, it seemed, before her disappearance, though power of a different sort.” Shaking his head, he tried not to let the tears that formed in his eyes fall. He had cried too much of late.
”So yes, I want to be a student. I want to study how I can help people, instead of hurt them. Maybe if I do that, I can find a better ideal than power for me and my remaining family to uphold. Because our power and our pride destroyed us in the end.” The old ways had driven Loren away to begin with and then ruined the Launceleyn's reputation in the Hollowed Ground. If the summoner wanted to have any chance of changing the legacy that he had not asked for and yet had somehow been thrust upon him, he needed to find a way to break the cycle of the past. Hopefully the healer could understand that. ”Besides, it doesn’t exactly sound like you can afford to be turning away students.”
Phoebe shook her head. ”I expected you to call me stupid not ask to join.” she said bluntly. But as he spoke of his family, and the look that crossed his face, even with blight rage threatening every thought and word, she couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him. ”I wouldn’t say she was corrupted by power. She wasn’t any different from any noble I ever encountered back home…but the people here aren’t really used to order like that.” she said with a light shrug, clearly not invested in the whole thing personally. In the grand scheme of things, she was a nobody. What she thought of people like Zariah didn’t really matter.
”And even if you think that…They are still your family. Those were still your ideals. And magic can be used to help as much as it can be used to hurt. So…it is still surprising to me anyways.” she said with a light shrug, offering him a small smile. ”But I’m a midwife so everyone thinks I’m a witch when I’m not. Maybe a Launceleyn wanting to learn non-magic things maybe is more normal than I think it is.” she said, citing a common old-wives tale about women of her trade.
”Well, if you want to be a student, you are more than welcome to enroll.” she said.
09-06-2019, 12:23 AM (This post was last modified: 09-06-2019, 12:23 AM by Loren.)
LOREN
”Why would I call you stupid?” Loren was truly puzzled why she might think that. Paranoid and biased, yes (though not without cause), but she was certainly intelligent and skilled. As Phoebe spoke of Zariah’s reign, the summoner sighed; he hadn’t been here for it, so he couldn’t exactly argue with the healer's characterization of events. ”We are strangers here. It's been made very clear to me on multiple occasions that the people from Caido had their own very effective methods of taking care of themselves before we arrived. At the very least, she should’ve tried to listen to them, and to respect and understand that. Just because it seemed disordered to us didn't mean there wasn't a system in place. But there’s no changing the past.” Rather than engage in a lengthy back and forth about a woman who was no longer in the Hollowed Grounds, Loren decided to change the topic. ”Where’s back home, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Rather than answer her right away, the summoner double checked his link to his golem. The creature was still lumbering away, and his magic reserves were only slightly depleted, so he turned his attention back to the conversation. ”That’s all true. But you’re right, they were our ideals. Were. That doesn’t mean they have to be our ideals any more. I think finding a way to help people with magic is a much better mission that accruing power for power’s sake, don’t you?” When Phoebe complained about people calling her a witch, Loren gave her a sympathetic smile. ”Maybe. And if anyone calls you a witch, send them to me and I’ll either set them straight or set my golem on them, whichever you prefer. That would certainly teach them what a real witch is.” He tilted his head, giving her a considering look. ”Do you think I should get a witch's hat, just to drive the, well, point home?” It was a truly awful joke, but he was mostly trying to startle a laugh out of her.
Smiling at her, the Launcleyen nodded his head. ”Thank you.” Then his expression grew rather sheepish. ”So is there a uh, formal process or do I need to sign something or what?” Surely it couldn’t be that easy to enroll.
Phoebe shrugged a bit at his question. ”I would have thought a magic user would think trying to match their abilities without it a stupid thing.” she said. Magic had been held in high regard by all in Northwind and Northaven, though none more than the Launceleyns from what she understood. She glanced over at him as he went on about Zariah’s regime, raising a brow. ”I never said the Naturals didn’t have a system, just that the one Zariah implemented wasn’t one they were accustomed to.” she said, a little defensively. She still didn’t like when people held her Outlander status over her head like that, even if it was another Outlander.
”Northwind and Northaven. Just like you.” she said when he asked where she was from. Of course a nobleman like him wouldn’t have noticed her presence at all.
Again she shrugged at his question, not really sure what to say. ”I’ve never had power so I can’t really say. I’m just a midwife from a quarry town. The only thing I can do is help people.” she said. He was in a different position. He had the ability to do both. It was just a matter of which one he focused on. But his offer and the following pun did elicit a small, quite laugh and she smiled over had him. ”Only if you grow a waist length beard to go along with it.” she said with a light laugh.
”No there isn’t. Though I probably should come up with one. I will add you to the registry.” she said. No one had asked to be a student yet so she hadn’t really put much thought into the process.
09-06-2019, 03:10 PM (This post was last modified: 09-06-2019, 03:10 PM by Loren.)
LOREN
Ah so it was about Loren and not about Phoebe after all. He supposed that was fair enough. ”Well, no. Magic can only take you so far. Sometimes, more tried and true and precise methods are better. Besides, I have other magic, and only a finite supply of energy within me. So if I can treat someone without resorting to healing magic, it’ll free me up to use my other talents.” The summoner nodded at his golem, still trudging along beside him. ”And you’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put words in your mouth. Still, Zariah could’ve tried to work with the Naturals to find something that worked for everyone instead of importing a system of government wholesale that ended up not being a good fit for the situation here.” It was odd to be having a conversation with someone who didn’t think his cousin was a complete monster. Maybe Phoebe, as an Outlander, or as a healer, hadn’t been involved in the political squabbles that had subsumed everyone else. Or maybe, more ominously, she'd actually supported Zariah's efforts here.
When the healer revealed that she was from Northaven as well, Loren gave her a surprised, but pleased look. ”Really? Which wave?” The Launceleyn had thought he knew everyone who still remained from his old world; there were too few of them left, and at the thought of everyone they’d lost his smile faltered. At her comment about her origins, he tilted his head. ”You say that like helping people is a small thing. It’s not. It’s probably the most important thing we can do for each other.” Despite everything he’d been through in his life, he firmly believed that. Phoebe’s comment about a long beard actually made him laugh. ”I thought wizards had long beards, not witches. Still, if you think me pretending to be a bearded lady will help sell the whole persona, I’ll give it a try.”
It turned out enrolling really was that easy. ”Thank you! And I know I’m just a student, but I used to be a librarian, so if you need help putting together an office and some paperwork and whatnot I’d be happy to lend a hand.” It seemed the least he could do in exchange for being taught about medicine.
His take on it all really was a refreshing take, she thought. It made her smile a little. "I suppose that's true. I don't have magic so I don't know how it all works." she admitted. There really wasn't a point in spending a lot of time studying something she couldn't perform. Phoebe considered his words quietly, shrugging again. "I didn't pay too much attention because I'm a nobody and couldn't have changed anything anyways. But she didn't surprise me. She was a Countess back home. That's just how nobles always treated commonfolk. I can't really hold against her doing exactly what she was raised to be like. I mean...I could but that will just make me frustrated and amount to nothing." she said. Phoebe wasn't trying to be argumentative, just stating her perspective. He had the background of a noble and being in her family. Phoebe's experience was very different.
"One of the little mini-waves. The same one Edrei had come in on." she said with a small smile. "A midwife was needed so I was sent. Plus, you know. Young, child-bearing age female and all that." she said with a light shrug. Not that it ever got her a husband and family like she'd hoped.
"It is small though. Healers are rarely remembered. Leaders and powerful people are remembered. Yes, it is important and necessary. But you'd be hardpressed to find anyone who thinks someone like me is as important as someone like Ronin or Amalia." she said.
His comment about the beard and dressing up like a witch made her grin. "Isn't a male witch a wizard? Though if you'd like to dress up as a lady that's up to you. Just don't forget the wart on your nose." she said with a light laugh.
"Well, we do have a small medical library at the college. It would be nice if someone made sure it stayed organized and that things didn't go missing." she said when he mentioned he had been a librarian.
”No reason for you to know!” Loren obviously couldn’t know what Phoebe was thinking, but their minds were on similar trajectories it seemed. ”I don’t think anyone would consider the founder and first Dean of the Hollowed Ground’s College of Medicine a nobody, do you?” And that wasn’t even getting into how the healer had spoken to Wessex at the meeting; that spoke to a strength of spirit that might’ve even given Zariah pause. However, he wasn’t going to let Phoebe’s comments about nobility go without comment. ”Well, I was a duke. But I'm not anymore, and I have no interest in reclaiming my former title. Do you find me particularly ducal or noble right now?” He was honestly curious to hear her response, because if it was a yes then he had a lot of work to do.
”Right, right, the boat. And good. I thought I knew most of the people in Northaven, at least by reputation, but I didn’t have much time to meet you newcomers before...well...you know. Caido.” He gave her a sympathetic smile, both because they should’ve met well before this—and might have, if he hadn’t lost his damn mind—and because of her comment about marrying. ”Sorry I missed you back in the old world. But better late than never, right? And as for all that child-bearing stuff, well, I managed to escape getting married off by my family dint of being a useless weakling of a magician.” It was completely true: the Launceleyns didn’t want him passing on his weak blood to the next generation, and by the time they’d realized (and he realized as well) that he was stronger than they thought, it was too late.
People in the Hollowed Grounds really needed to stop downplaying their importance. And yes, he was fully aware of the hypocrisy of that thought. ”Well I think so. There, easy.” He flashed a grin at her before he gave her statement the consideration it deserved. ”In all seriousness, I don’t think they could possibly think less of the Dean and founder of a major college, let alone forget who you are, as I already said. But even so, is it that important to you to be remembered?” Loren had been spending a lot of time thinking about his legacy and heritage, so this topic was particularly close to his heart.
”Technically I think it’s a warlock. And I guess I’ll have to go dig up my wart collection from the cellar.” He laughed at the image. ”I can definitely take a look at the library, though don’t expect me to be able to talk about the contents for a while.” Organizing books hadn’t exactly been what he'd been talking about, but it was certainly something he was qualified and excited to do.
Phoebe shrugged a bit. "Maybe. Maybe not. It ultimately isn't up to me to decide. It's more about how others percieve me." she said. At least, that was the case here usually. There was more mobility in one's status and life. But under Zariah's rule? Yeah. She was a nobody. But at his question, she glanced over at him, considering. "You've some noble remnants, yes. The fact that you walked into my infirmary, insisting that your perception of reality was more true than mine, even though I probably have more contextual knowledge than you from being around here. And contradicting just about everything I say." she said, shrugging a bit. "Nobility always assume they are right all the time. But I suppose other than that not terribly much."
Her brows furrowed at his statement though. "The...boat?" she said in confusion. She knew some others had come with a boat, but she had certainly not been part of that group. Phoebe set down the box she carried upon reaching the clinic, taking out keys to unlock it. She shrugged his apology, shaking her head lightly. "Don't be. I'm fairly easy to overlook. I only know of you because of Remi." she said softly. "I wanted to get married and have children. But no one wants me." she said, picking up the box and entering the homey clinic. It was filled with soft furniture and blankets, and smelled of warm, soothing spices.
"No, I don't particularly care if I am forgotten. Once I am dead it's not like it will matter much to me." she admitted as she set down her box in a corner. Legacies were things powerful people cared about. She was just living her life, doing what she thought was right. But she smiled a little at his mention of the library and nodded. "Of course. It'll be good for your studies then, too."
Loren smiled at Phoebe’s statement. ”You say that as if we have very little control over how others perceive us.” The Launceleyn knew better than most how actions could shape perceptions. However, as she criticized him for being a know-it-all, he found himself nodding and even smiling a little. ”That’s fair. And I’m sorry that I came barging in here like that. However, I’d like to point out, even though I know this will just prove your point that I am disagreeable and think I always know best, that questioning our preconceived notions about the world is what makes us good scholars.” That’s what he’d been thinking about: while he didn’t think she was wrong, necessarily, he had thought her hypotheses woefully lacking in support, and had been pushing her to justify them. He recognized that he had probably come in a little too strong.
Simply staring at her confusion the summoner realized that maybe he’d been mistaken. ”Oh. I thought that all the newest arrivals came in on that boat. You know. The one with that family of sailors?” He couldn’t remember their names, just that they rivaled the Launceleyns for family drama and complicated dynamics. And that was saying something. However, when Phoebe mentioned she was easy to overlook Loren snorted. ”Again, this might be the nobility speaking, but I don’t think I can overlook anyone who stood up to the Ascended queen in such a striking manner.” Perhaps it wasn’t wise to bring up Wessex when the healer and the summoner were finally getting along, but it had been quite the first impression.
At the mention of Remi, the Launceleyn’s smile grew a little sad. ”I imagine you probably have quite the negative image of me, between that and my status as a former duke.” There was absolutely no way to make amends for hurting his former lover and all his former friends. All he could do was try his best moving forward, even when he was certain his best wasn’t good enough. However, when Phoebe talked about being unwanted, he gave her a sympathetic smile. ”Hey, I’m older than you, and completely single, and am totally convinced that I am unlovable, and I still think there’s a chance I might get married down the line, even if it’s a completely arranged marriage. So I wouldn’t count yourself out, just yet. You are still quite young.” Of course, they had the completely opposite problems, though it seemed they felt similarly about themselves at least.
He wished he cared less about what he might leave behind, but perhaps that was another difference between them. ”But it might matter to you when you’re alive.” It mattered to him that he at least try to leave light behind, to combat the darkness that seemed poised to completely destroy his family. They were in agreement about the library so he simply nodded at her comment.
”To a point that is true.” Phoebe said with a light shrug. ”I can do everything in the world to be a kind and caring person. But there will be those who still think me the opposite. Perception is subjective.” she said softly, offering to take the boxes from him and the golem outside to stack them in the corner. Other boxes were stacked in other parts of the room – clearly she had been relocating the supplies for some time. His apology caught her off-guard though and she raised a brow at him curiously. ”Yes, but at a point, one must stop questioning and begin practicing, or else you question yourself to inaction. I, for one, am far more interested in practice and outcomes at this moment than wondering if the theory is perfect. And, for the record, it isn’t much of an apology if you follow it up with a qualifier.” she said with a small smile.
The blonde shook her head when he spoke of the sailor family. ”I didn’t come through with them. I think I arrived after actually. And I am certainly no sailor. I only recently learned to swim.” she noted. But he mentioned her outburst at Wessex and she frown, looking down at the floor. ”That was more the blight talking than anything. I am not usually bold like that. I’m usually quite quiet and reserved.” she said softly. It bothered her deeply that the blight could change her nature with such seamless ease. It frightened her actually.
But as far as her thoughts on him? ”Remi is like a brother to me…the only close family I have left really. You disappeared when he needed you most. I hold that against you more than your former title.” she said, looking up at him with seriousness. ”Though, I will say it is far from the first time I’ve heard of a Duke taking advantage of a commoner for his personal gain.” She was a common woman. Usually her ilk were the victims of such situations in the end. It meant she would not trust him with much without a lot of work on his end.
She sighed as he gave her more or less the same lecture everyone gave her. ”That is easy to say when it is not the only thing you’ve ever consistently wanted in life. My youth doesn’t change the hurt or disappointment or self-doubt that comes from repeated rejection.” she said softly, her voice a little tight but not nearly the rage she had worked up earlier. She shook her head though as he continued on about a legacy, finding herself at odds with it. ”So long as I have children, I would be completely content with my life, legacy or not. And at this rate, contentment is out of my reach. It isn’t worth spending my last days wondering over a legacy I won’t witness even if it does happen.” she said with a shrug. He wasn’t dying. He had all the time in the world to wax philosophical about legacies and futures. She didn’t have that luxury.
All kinds of perception were subjective. None more so than self-perception: if Phoebe wanted to continue to think of herself as a nobody, there was little Loren could do but reassure her that she was a somebody. ”Well, I still think you being Dean and Founder of the Caido Medical College is a pretty big deal, and I’ll say that to anyone who asks.” Gratefully he handed off his box to her, along with the two from his golem, which he banished with a sigh of relief; it had taken a lot of magic to maintain the spell, so he slumped against a convenient wall and watched her pack away the latest set of supplies (even though he felt she already had too much). He would’ve helped her if his arms hadn’t burned from the exertion of carrying the surprisingly heavy box that distance. ”But acting on unproven hypotheses can often lead to more harm than inaction.” At the mention that his apology was a poor one, he grinned. ”Point taken. I apologize sincerely then. Chalk it up to my noble heritage?” If she could play that card, so could he.
”Well, you’ve got me beat there. I can’t swim at all.” At her admission that the blight had made her bold, Loren smiled at her. ”That wasn’t all blight. And even if it was, you stuck to your convictions in your conversation with me.” Surely that couldn’t all be laid at the foot of a disease: it brought out people’s darker instincts, sure, but that meant it was still a version of them.
It would hurt less if they weren’t themselves at all.
”You and me both. And please do hold it against me. He doesn’t remember, but I do, and I don’t ever want to hurt him ever again, and he seems insistent on spending time with me.” It was only a matter of time before Loren slipped up, did or said something that distressed the (admittedly easily upset) alchemist. If the other man’s friends kept an eye on him, maybe they’d intervene before it was too late. Like when he jumped into a Fae pit to have a silly conversation with Loren. However, her characterization that the Launceleyn had been some foppish noble leading Remi on was completely off-base. Unfortunately, the summoner had no way to prove that.
Why anyone would only want children and a family out of life—especially someone who had so much going for her—and why someone thought kids were the only kind of legacy were worth having was beyond his comprehension. ”No. It doesn’t. But we can’t let others perceptions of us matter too much, right?” Still, when she brought up her last days, he just gave her a sympathetic look. Everyone seemed convinced there was no hope for the blighted, and he didn’t seem capable of getting them to have hope. So he’d just have to be hopeful for them.
It was one thing to say he thought she was somebody, but another to say he would tell others. She blinked in surprise at him, feeling the tiniest hint of a blush creep onto her cheeks. She wasn't used to recognition like that. "Well...thank you. That's kind of you." she said with a small smile. Then she set to putting away the extra boxes. But from the corner of her eye she saw him slump against the wall. "You can sit. It's fine." she said, gesturing to the number of cushy chairs and couches in the room.
"Maybe. But there are people who will die if I don't act. If I do act, then they might not." she said, shrugging a bit. But his second attempt at an apology made her smirk. "An apology with an excuse. How very ducal of you." she said dryly, though the smirk on her lips hinted at the slight tease.
She sighed a little, wondering if that was true. "I do believe strongly in things and can be a bit stubborn about it. But I'm not usually so combative. I don't actually like conflict." she said, qualifying her previous statement.
Her head tilted slightly as he insisted she hold his mistakes against him, looking almost confused at it. The fact that he admitted his fault and guilt and wanted to be held accountable was...surprising. Her eyes dropped for a moment, considering, before looking back up at him. "He lost you first, because his ability to feel love was taken away. So he knew he loved you but couldn't feel it. That's when he needed you. And then Ludo took his memories away of all the people he ever loved. That's when he forgot, and I think it bothers him a lot...hence why he wants to spend time with you...sort of to regain a piece of him he lost." she said softly.
Phoebe shrugged a little and moved to her stove to put a kettle on. "I suppose. But it is easier said than done to not care about them." she said.
