i wanted to be ruined —
a little more than i wanted
— to be loved
“The world is cruel in its unfairness.”
The words repeat in her mind, over and over again, until she commits them to heart. Is it selfish to think that she’s endured such terrible loss over and over again that she knows nothing but a cruel world? With an opportunity for happiness, only to enjoy and grow attached, before leaving again. She remembers how distraught she had become after the mandatory draft had gone up under Zariah’s rule, and she had spotted both Amalia and Deimos’ names on the list. And she went home that night, wondering if these last few weeks she had with them would be the last.
Maybe she’s paranoid.
She numbly nods in agreement with her aunt when she mentions she wishes she never had to know this pain. She, too, wishes she’d never have to do it. But her heart, for all her flaws, is so large that she can’t help but to love and want to be loved in return. It seemed it never worked out that way, first with Ru’in, then with Rixen. Everyone left eventually, and she was left alone on her own, to pick up the pieces and continue on.
She reaches forward for her aunt, to bury herself into her, as the feathers disappear, trembling and shaking as they find their way back into her skin. Hotaru’s words calm the flurry of emotions within her, as terrible as it sounds, and she nods through a small hiccup, leaning back to wipe at her eyes, pressing the heels of her trembling hands into her black ringed gaze. She sits like this for a few moments, shaking and trembling, so unlike herself for a first impression for her aunt. She wishes she had been there for the Cloister, to see her almost win, to see the warrior she’s become. Not this sniveling child.
But at least Hotaru’s back, and it’s all she can ask for as she calms her breathing, feathers exchanged for golden fur that covers her scarred shoulders and dances up the side of her neck – black tuft ears perk from her own, and she inhales deeply to try and calm down as she looks back to her aunt. “How… How long have you been here?” She asks quietly, trying desperately to change the subject, lest she go in circles over and over again.
The words repeat in her mind, over and over again, until she commits them to heart. Is it selfish to think that she’s endured such terrible loss over and over again that she knows nothing but a cruel world? With an opportunity for happiness, only to enjoy and grow attached, before leaving again. She remembers how distraught she had become after the mandatory draft had gone up under Zariah’s rule, and she had spotted both Amalia and Deimos’ names on the list. And she went home that night, wondering if these last few weeks she had with them would be the last.
Maybe she’s paranoid.
She numbly nods in agreement with her aunt when she mentions she wishes she never had to know this pain. She, too, wishes she’d never have to do it. But her heart, for all her flaws, is so large that she can’t help but to love and want to be loved in return. It seemed it never worked out that way, first with Ru’in, then with Rixen. Everyone left eventually, and she was left alone on her own, to pick up the pieces and continue on.
She reaches forward for her aunt, to bury herself into her, as the feathers disappear, trembling and shaking as they find their way back into her skin. Hotaru’s words calm the flurry of emotions within her, as terrible as it sounds, and she nods through a small hiccup, leaning back to wipe at her eyes, pressing the heels of her trembling hands into her black ringed gaze. She sits like this for a few moments, shaking and trembling, so unlike herself for a first impression for her aunt. She wishes she had been there for the Cloister, to see her almost win, to see the warrior she’s become. Not this sniveling child.
But at least Hotaru’s back, and it’s all she can ask for as she calms her breathing, feathers exchanged for golden fur that covers her scarred shoulders and dances up the side of her neck – black tuft ears perk from her own, and she inhales deeply to try and calm down as she looks back to her aunt. “How… How long have you been here?” She asks quietly, trying desperately to change the subject, lest she go in circles over and over again.
KIADA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Kiada, without killing her <3
