back to normal, if it ever was

LOREN

Loren kept healing, and healing, and healing. He reached into depths he didn’t know he had, desperate to save Remi from the Launceleyn’s mistake. Once again, the summoner’s actions might have cost the other man everything, and the librarian felt tears spring to his eyes as he lost speech, lost coherence, lost pretty much everything but the magic and the feel of the fragile body beneath Loren’s fingers. This had to work. It had to.

Luckily, the raccoon relaxed, then moved, and the Launceleyn felt relief course through him. Still, the panic gripped him in its clutches, and he fell back, releasing the alchemist. Loren found himself sitting on the ground, shaking and trembling, sheer terror at what he’d almost done chasing away his ability to think. Beyond that, a bone-deep exhaustion had settled in his limbs from a combination of fear and the magic.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

Amusing as it might have been to shift into his body with the summoners hands on him, Remi did wait until Loren had backed up. Only then did he all but collapse into his regular form; sprawled on the ground, sore, but otherwise fine. Letting his head loll to the side, Remi regarded the summoner with a raised brow.

"Loren." He murmured. "What did raccoons ever do to you, that a manticore seemed a fitting way of dealing with them?" Amusement sparkled in his sea-foam stare as his raised his arms, scrubbing at his face with his hands before letting them flop back to the ground, more starfish than man.

LOREN

After Remi shifted and spoke, Loren just stared at the other man for a long moment. The Launceleyn blinked one, twice. Then he exploded. ”Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? This isn’t funny. I thought I killed you.” Apparently the alchemist thought now was a good time to be making jokes, when the summoner had fully convinced himself that he’d hurt the other man, or wose. Well, the remembered panic of that moment was now transitioning to anger.

Remi might not remember Loren or his upbringing, but none of that mattered, and now seemed as good a time as any to educate the alchemist. ”I saw a threat, Remi. I didn’t know what was coming for me, despite your completely inadequate warning. And I’ve been trained to respond to potential threats with overwhelming force, like the rest of my family. The manticore just happened to be on my mind because you’d just shown it to me.” The summoner took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to get his rampant emotions under control, and ran a jerky hand through his hair. ”What were you thinking?”

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

Frowning deeply, the alchemist leaned forward to bring himself to a sitting position, crossing his ankles over each other and staring silently across at Loren as he was lectured. "I cannot be killed while shifted." Remi said in a low voice, interjecting if only because he didn't quite know what else to say. Likely it wouldn't comfort the summoner now, but it might serve him later to know some of the more technical aspects of shifting. "I will always be thrown back into this body if I am ever knocked unconscious."

Studying the lines of anger and frustration on Loren's face, and noting that more colour was slowly being added to the palette of the Launceleyn as he was painted in Remi's eyes, the alchemist had no choice but to nod conceedingly. "Alright, Loren. You are right." He said softly, linking his hands together and softly stroking his palm with a thumb. "I...well, I hardly thought a raccoon would be seen as a threat." He mumbled a touch defensively.

LOREN

Well, that was indeed useful information, but it probably wouldn’t have changed Loren’s reaction. Still, he filed it away for later. ”Alright, that’s good to know. But seeing you disappear into its mouth, then fall to the ground like that…” He trailed off, unable to complete the thought. The truth was, it had filled the Launceleyn with a visceral horror, of knowing he might’ve hurt or killed anyone, let alone Remi.

Slowly, he started to calm down, which just left him tired. Tired from his magic, tired of this conversation, tired of dancing around the other man. When the alchemist protested that he didn’t know what type of threat a raccoon could pose, Loren sighed, his shoulders slumping forward. ”I didn’t see a raccoon. I saw a small blurry shape with teeth and claws flying through the air towards me. I didn’t know what to think, so I reacted.” The alchemist seemed to still have his rosy view of the world; while that tracked with the summoner’s memory, he’d forgotten how frustrating it could be at times.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"I told you what it was." Remi protested with a raised brow. Thus far, the alchemist had never steered the Launceleyn wrong. "And I'd hardly say my teeth are much of a threat." He added with what was probably an inappropriate chuckle.

"I...did not know you could do that." Remi added after a moment, letting his head softly fall to once side to gaze at Loren. "Did I know before?" Sighing softly, the alchemist's fingers twitched against one another in an effort to remain where they were, and not reach across what felt like an endless chasm, to try and soothe the other man.

LOREN

Yes, yes, Remi had said what it was, but that didn’t mean Loren had understood. ”You shouted something completely baffling and then tossed yourself at me. I wasn’t prepared and I was confused. And for all I knew you were some weird creature that Caido spits out and your teeth were venomous.” They were going back and forth about this as if the details mattered when they didn’t: the alchemist had startled the summoner, and he had acted according to his nature.

Maybe that should’ve bothered Loren more than it did.

”Know that I could do what, almost kill you?” Loren’s heart wasn’t beating quite as quickly now, but he still wasn’t fully recovered. And the fear had left a bad taste in his mouth and left his limbs and body struggling to support his weight. So he lay back, staring into the sky. It had the added benefit that he didn’t have to look at the alchemist, because in that moment the Lauceleyn was so torn between exasperation and relief that he didn’t know how to feel. And he still didn't know why the other man had ever thought that would be a good idea or what he was hoping to accomplish.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

Try as he might to be sympathetic, there was only so much even Remi could offer before the temptation to say no Loren, you overreacted became all-consuming. "Raccoon, is baffling?" The alchemist asked skeptically, before shaking his head as if not expecting a response. Not one that made any sort of sense, anyways.

"No, summon something like that." Remi replied breezily. "Of course you could almost kill me. Probably actually kill me as well." He added with a shrug. Whether or not that was true...one day they'd likely find out. The stats of some KQ or other would show that it was quite false actually, but more on that later.

Looking down at Loren, Remi swallowed and then pulled in a breath. "I am sorry, Loren." He said again, this time without the reservation of moments ago. Pale green eyes behind long lashes softly watched the summoner, somehow close and yet far away. "I feel there is so much I should know about you. About how to be around you, given..." Remi let the words trail off, smiling deep enough to form dimples. "...I'm sorry." He added after a moment, not knowing specifically what he was apologizing for, but still feeling the need to do so.

LOREN

They had reached an impasse. Loren sighed and rubbed his temples, trying to figure out a way to communicate to Remi not to do something like this again while explaining what was admittedly troubling behavior on the Launceleyn’s part ”I was startled, okay? And, among other things, I apparently react poorly to being startled.” Hopefully that would clear up any misunderstandings and prevent any further shenanigans on the alchemist’s part.

Propping himself up on his elbows, Loren gave the other man a confused look. ”Can we stop talking about me almost killing you please?” It was too close to the truth for comfort. ”And I thought I told you, and everyone else, about my summoning at the meeting. I can summon any beast I can think of, pretty much. So in theory I knew I could summon a manticore. In practice, didn’t know until it happened.” That was generally how it went with any of his creatures, and it was why he’d repeatedly said he didn’t know if it would work for the Spark Bird. They’d gone over this for a while, but he couldn’t exactly blame the other man for being distracted.

As Remi apologized, the summoner lay down again, annoyance flashing across his face. ”None of that.” He snapped at the other man without meaning to and immediately felt guilty. Sighing, Loren closed his eyes, needing the relief it would bring him to just shut out the world for a moment. He kept them that way when he spoke next. ”We agreed to a fresh start, didn’t we? So there is no reason for you to know me or anything about me. And there is absolutely no reason for you to apologize.” The Launceleyn cracked one eye open to look up at the alchemist. ”Although I have to wonder what Ronin thinks about you so casually flinging yourself at other men. Do you do this sort of thing often?” Maybe it was surprising to hear the attempt at humor coming from Loren and not from Remi, but the summoner needed a bit of levity right now, and he missed how easy the conversation had been before. This, whatever the other man was expressing, this worrying about not knowing the summoner was too close to territory they’d agreed to stay away from. Plus, Loren was genuinely curious to know if he should be on the lookout for such antics in the future.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"Remind me to never drop anything loud around you, then." Remi chuckled in response. However as Loren propped himself up, Remi drew in a surprised breath and leaned back. Forward and head tilted as he had been, it might have looked to any watching that the summoner was rising as if to bridge the distance between the men as if for a kiss. Remi didn't think that (except he absolutely did, not because he thought that's what Loren was in fact doing, but because the association was hard to shake). The alchemist had learned to settle himself when it came to small touches and proximity, but what he couldn't abide were moments. Moments that spoke of things which might happen. Moments that served as branching off points in dreams.

Looking away and squinting into the sun, Remi nodded distractedly. "Right, no..you...you did absolutely say that." Rubbing at one of his eyes, the alchemist slowly released the breath he'd been holding. "I have just never seen it. Only Rory here can do anything like that, but he mostly summons small animals. Nothing like..well, Nothing like what you did."

So it was that Loren's retreat back to laying fully down, accompanied by the spark of annoyance and curt tone, made the alchemist swallow guiltily. Biting back on his response, if there's no need to apologize, why am I constantly scolded every other sentence for doing something wrong?, Remi nodded.

Expression coloured by shock, the alchemist swiftly turned his gaze back to Loren as if slapped, before noting the far too subtle indications of humour. With a snort, Remi ran a hand anxiously through his curls and shook his head. "I told you, as an animal it is not the same. I can be held and pet and all sorts of things and it ... it is not like it is being done to me. Not like this, anyways." He answered smoothly.

"Ascended bites though, that is another matter entirely."

LOREN

Kissing had been the last thing on Loren’s mind, despite their proximity and positioning, what with the believed almost killing his friend experience and the exhaustion dogging his limbs. Plus, Remi was definitely off limits for oh so many reasons, and the summoner had firmly pushed such thoughts as far to the back of his mind as they would go. So when the alchemist gasped, the librarian just gave him a puzzled look. ”Don’t drop anything loud around me then.” It came out darkly and a bit deadpan, but then the Launceleyn sighed. ”Actually don’t, though.” Obviously that was the sort of thing Remi might not have control over, but jumpy as Loren was, he couldn’t say he’d react well to it.

Well at least the other man had been listening, but apparently seeing was believing. It really shouldn’t have been, though. ”So let me get this straight. You can actually turn into a manticore, and yet you are surprised that I can just summon one despite having seen someone else having summoned animals? Seems like a weird blind spot to me.” The Launceleyn couldn’t help but be a bit bemused by the alchemist’s lack of imagination; that had always been one of the other man’s strong suits, so to know it had failed in such a spectacular manner was more than a bit funny to him. Or maybe it was just the adrenalin finally giving way to happy endorphins, not that Loren knew anything about that. He did make a mental to note to see if this Rory could be of service during LongNight; if it was an issue of training rather than power, maybe Loren could do something about that.

Well, the joke had only been partially successful: Remi didn’t get pissed off, and even snorted, but nor did the other man respond in kind. Or at least, not exactly. ”And I told you I don’t think of you as an animal, so even if you’re okay with it that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel weird to me.” That was definitely not funny, but Loren really needed to reiterate that fact.

Then all concerns about what the other man might do next were completely forgotten when the alchemist brought up Ascended bites. Loren’s other eye opened at that, and he frowned. ”What’s that about Ascended bites?” Seeing as the Launceleyn was probably going to be bitten soon, any information the other man had would be useful.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"Well, I suppose it is a good thing I can do this, then." He mused, picking up a rock and tossing it into the air. Instead of falling, it merely hung there. Blinking at it slowly, the rock descended back to where it had come from without making so much as a thump. As for anything between he and Loren? Remi had meant it when he'd said he harbored no ill-will against the summoner. But in the place of actual knowledge of their past, his mind was far too keen to fill in details, especially with a husband who no longer shared his bed. It left much time for thinking.

"As far as I know, I am the only one who can do this." This being a mythical shift. "So yes. I was surprised." However the quip about a blind spot had Remi raising his brows and fixing the Launceleyn with a look. "A blind spot, Loren?" He asked, all too ready to pin the summoner to the spot for such a poor pun, given Remi's situation.

With a playful groan, the alchemist shook his head. 'Well, maybe the way you think about things needs some shifting." He countered. "But fine. The point was that yes, I have other shifts now. Hawk, raccoon, lion, manticore."

Eyeing the summoner for a moment, Remi leaned his head back and closed his eyes. If Loren had thought proceeding conversations were awkward, he was in for quite the surprise. "When an ascended bites you, they can take one of your powers. Which ever of your magics they focus on, in your case, and use them at your full potential." Leaning forward, the blush on his cheeks quite prominent now, Remi offered Loren an awkward smile. "But...there is a cost to it."

Flashes of Sam in the cave and the relationship that had started from one innocent bite. Of Isla roaming the streets, Remi's blood the only thing that kept her conscious and then all that had transpired after. Wessex. Rexanna. Guiltily Remi looked down and away, cheeks flushed bright crimson now. "There is something in their blood meant to make it...pleasurable for those who are being bitten." Remi explained in a dull whisper. "And it does." Closing his eyes tightly, he breathed steadily through his nose. "It is like..." But no, that wasn't it. Words were never Remi's strong suit after all. "All rational thought leaves you and it is...like nothing you can imagine. Nothing can ever feel as good. It is like the height of pleasure, everywhere at once." The alchemist scrubbed a hand over one eye, hard enough to see stars. "The trouble is, it cannot be quick either and the blood cannot have been pulled out any other way. It needs to be long enough for them to take enough. A minute or more, and..."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Remi frowned. The last time he'd been bitten, by Rexanna he'd been so close to...to...Pressing his eyes closed again, the alchemist sighed. "...there is nothing you can do against it."

LOREN

Remi demonstrated one of his many new abilities, and Loren gave the other man a curious glance. If the Launceleyn had an iota of magic left in him, he would’ve replicated that little display; as it stood, Loren couldn’t lift his body much at the moment, let alone cast any spells. ”Neat trick. Although it reminds me that you never really told what sort of magic you had.” Try as he might, the summoner couldn’t keep a hint of jealousy from creeping into his voice. Still, it was hard, knowing Remi was not only loved, but also strong in all the ways that the librarian had once longed to be. While he might not want that power, anymore, it had been such a large part of him for so long that of course he couldn’t help but be a bit envious.

Well, when the other man put it that way, Loren guessed it was a bit surprising after all. ”Fair enough. But the manticore is hardly the last of my little critters, so you all better get used to seeing them around.” Rexanna had been similarly impressed, now that the Launceleyn thought about it. He couldn’t help but blush at the thought that he, of all people, had something unique to offer: summoning was so common where he came from that he hadn’t realized how exciting it might be to others. Sure, it held a special place in his heart, but that was for personal reasons. Luckily Remi’s reminder about the other man’s eyes shifted the embarrassment from pleased to the exact opposite. ”Oh. Sorry. I’m not used to...sorry.” How the summoner could have forgotten the other man’s eyes, Loren didn’t know. But hopefully it wouldn’t happen again.

”I think you think the way I think about a lot of things needs shifting, and I don’t necessarily disagree with you.” Though the librarian could say the same about the other man, given their earlier discussion about politics. ”Point taken. Can you try to make your next one in a less dramatic fashion?” The teasing was getting easier: there was nothing like almost killing someone to create a shared bond, and that wasn’t even getting into the relationship they used to have.

Loren had known that the Ascended needed to bite him and drink his blood in order to access his abilities. However, the rest of it was new to him, and he couldn’t help but wonder whether Rexanna failed to mention this because she was trying to protect him or because she thought it was common enough knowledge that it hadn’t been worth bringing up. Although he tried his best to suppress it, a shiver of fear and revulsion made its way up his spine at the thought of such involuntary pleasure. ”Oh. I s-see.” Again, despite his best efforts, Loren knew his voice sounded pathetic in that moment. But even with this information, he knew he didn’t have a choice: allowing the Ascended to drink from him might be one of their best assets during LongNight.

However, the Launceleyn was definitely less eager to experiment with it than he was before.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

With a sidelong glance at Loren, Remi bit the inside of his cheek. "You never asked." He replied, not in an effort to be coy, merely uncomfortable with the discussion of his magic. It started out as a curse after all, and every time it grew or developed the alchemist felt more and more like some sort of impostor. An alchemist from another world who'd stumbled into a life he was never meant to have.

"Well that sounds ominous." The alchemist chuckled in reply. Once upon a time in another world and another lifetime, Loren had talked of them riding on flying horses together. An idea that had make the alchemist weak-kneed at the thought of, but also one that sounded impossible. In this here and now, Remi merely took it in stride nodding. "I would say to be careful, but I suppose it does not much matter to you if your creatures are attacked? But folks around here are...quick to go after creatures like what I just became and you just summoned."

Moving as if to nudge Loren's shoulder in jest, the alchemist caught himself and simply shook his head instead. "I was joking, Loren." Having been blinded Remi was now all too aware of how many sayings and phrases had to do with seeing, or being blind. It was rather amusing how easy it was to throw someone off by commenting on it. "I...have come to terms with my sight. It's fine."

Rolling his eyes playfully, the alchemist nodded. "Well, I can certainly try. Though how am I to know what makes you jump out of your skin these days?" Remi's playfulness was taken as an assault on the Launceleyn after all. What Loren considered dramatic, the alchemist merely thought of mischievous.

"Mmmhmmm." The alchemist agreed sagely. "The only other thing I could think of...well. I made amulets for Zariah, Amalia and Deimos. They...they can store abilities in them. " Giving the summoner a long stare, Remi waited to see his response to that. Which ran deeper? Loren's dislike of being touched, of being physically pleasured, or his rejection of asking for Remi's help?