back to normal, if it ever was

LOREN

Remi’s clarification just caused Loren to smile for a brief moment. He made a show of sticking a finger in his ear and wiggling it around, before frowning exaggeratedly and humorously. ”Nope, they’re working fine. And I know what I heard.” Just because Launceleyn had deliberately misunderstood for comedic effect didn’t mean he had to admit that to the alchemist. He wouldn’t ruin a perfectly bad joke like that.

Nor would anyone be tossing tea at anyone else. ”And waste some perfectly good tea? Perish the thought.” The summoner took a sip just to punctuate his point, though the tea was actually quite good and he took a second just to savor the flavor a bit longer. At the other man’s comment about his shirt and then the one about his eyes, the Launceleyn looked away. ”Must be.” Just because Remi felt comfortable joking about the condition of his eyes didn’t mean Loren was. Still, he’d do his best. ”Tell you what. I’ll get my ears checked out if you get your eyes looked at.”

Loren had been meeting the alchemist’s gaze as the summoner listened to Remi’s explanation about his vision. However, when the other man mentioned that the Launceleyn’s eyes were the only spot of color in the room, he glanced down, an embarrassed flush flooding into his cheeks. Hopefully Remi couldn’t see that either, though it made the summoner guilty to even think that. ”Oh. I understand.” The librarian didn’t, at least not completely, but he didn’t think either of them really wanted to dwell on this topic for a second longer.

At the alchemist’s chuckle, Loren finally met the other man’s eyes again. ”That’s what I’m here for, ill-timed and unfortunate reminders.” It was a little too on the nose, but the Launceleyn forced himself to smile. It slipped away as Remi gave the librarian a blank stare, which he returned. ”I like dogs. And kittens.” Actually, Loren liked all animals, so long as they weren’t actually people in disguise. There was not even a hint of humor in the Launceleyn’s voice, just a bit of honest confusion at why the other man might find summoning a hound so odd.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"I think I read somewhere that you are not meant to do that." Scrunching his nose as Loren pretended to clear out his ear, the alchemist merely shrugged. "But you are the healer, not me." There. That was at least one thing the Launceleyn had over the alchemist...if you didn't count Isla, anyways.

Fluttering his lashes comically at Loren, Remi pursed his lips and narrowed one eye, as if waiting for something to happen, before shrugging. "You already looked at my eyes, remember?"

If Remi could see the flush of colour on Loren's cheeks, he gave no notice. He could of course; a messy smear of pale colour that only stood out because of how pale everything else was. "Losing my sight was...my fault." The alchemist offered gently, happy to let the topic slide but continually unsure why everyone seemed so uncomfortable with his stare. "Does it really look that bad?" He asked, biting the inside of his lip. Remi didn't peer into mirrors all too often, maybe he was just unsettling to look at now.

"Just not raccoons." Remi quipped dryly, narrowing his eyes at the summoner and trying to discern whether he was being purposefully thick or not. "I offered to help. Me. The lion, aka a cat. And instead of accepting the help, you decide to summon a hound. Aka a dog." Crossing his arms, he tapped his fingers idly against the side of his bicep. "You do not see the humour there?"

LOREN

Loren just shrugged off Remi’s concern about the librarian’s ears. ”I think, given how poorly I took care of myself the past year, a small injury to my ear that I can likely heal is not something to worry about.” As soon as the words left his lips, the Launceleyn realized how the other man might react to such a statement—with a great deal of unnecessary worry—but it was too late now. The Launceleyn was getting better at ignoring the way the alchemist kept trying to help the librarian who absolutely did not need it. At least, not in the ways Remi was trying to provide it.

At the reminder that the summoner’s healing magic had proved inadequate, he frowned and glanced away. ”You’re right, I did.” That failure made it impossible to see the humor in the alchemist’s antics. That didn’t get any easier when Remi blamed himself for the problem. ”I thought you said you were cursed by an evil witch? That hardly seems like your fault.” Indeed, it seemed the fault of caster and no one else; even if the other man had provoked her, she didn’t need to retaliate in such a permanent and lasting manner. At the alchemist’s next question, Loren paused, and took a sip of his tea to cover the fact that he was thinking. ”No, it doesn’t. I just....” The Launceleyn’s voice trailed off. Admitting that he remembered the joy Remi had found in the natural world (and how Loren suspected that joy was harder to come by now) didn’t seem wise.

If Remi was going to get all wounded about Loren’s weird hangups, then the summoner would gleefully tease the other man about it. They might've been the Launceleyn's problems, but the alchemist was the only one here bothered by them. ”Actually, just not you. I like regular raccoons fine.” The librarian’s grin only grew at the other man’s next statement. ”I did not figure out you could turn into a lion until today. And I did the research into the hounds before today. So I don’t know why you’re getting your knickers in a twist.”

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"Mmmmm...and yet you keep telling me how well you can take care of yourself. Funny, that." The alchemist's grin was entirely shit-eating, his nose crinkling in happy victory.

"I did say that, but I never said I was cursed out of the blue." Remi did think Arduinna's actions were not entirely warranted, but then again he had been more or less trying to steal her servant, or ... slave, or whatever it was Ianto was to her. Running a hand from the back of his curls to the front with a sigh, the alchemist could only lightly tap his foot to try and dissolve the reminder of agony that had followed that fateful afternoon. Raising a brow as Loren took entirely too long to answer (meaning that yes, apparently it was that bad to look at), he could only snort with soft amusement. "Uh huh. Very convincing Loren." Not that it terribly mattered. The alchemist clearly did not worry much about his appearance. "At least the scars are gone. Magic could do that much at least." He said with a shrug.

"Wow. I am hurt." Remi protested, putting a hand to his heart and wincing. "I am adorable and perfectly cuddle-sized as a raccoon, I will have you know. Which you would know, had you not tried to kill me."

Narrowing his eyes playfully, happily frustrated at the Launceleyn's ability to seemingly have all the right answers, Remi sighed loudly and nodded. "Fine." He conceded, tossing his hands up. "And I will twist whatever I like, thank you very much. Now come on. Let's get started before you regain enough strength to conjure something to chase me out."

LOREN

Knowing exactly how Remi was going to react, Loren had a reply lined up as soon as the alchemist finished speaking. ”Ah, but you see, I have a whole year’s worth of mistakes to learn from. As long as I do the opposite of what I used to do, I should be golden.” The Launceleyn grinned back, completely willing to snatch victory back from the other man.

Tilting his head, the summoner frowned. ”You never said how you were cursed at all.” It might’ve been difficult to discuss, so the librarian wouldn’t pry further if the other man chose not to answer; curious as Loren was to know the details of the incident, it didn’t seem worth upsetting Remi over. ”It really doesn’t look bad!” The summoner gave the alchemist an exasperated look. The truth of the matter was, even with eyes that looked blind, Remi still looked good and Loren was just trying his best not to notice or think about that fact. ”Wait, what scars? And what magic? Healing?” It had legitimately never occurred to the Launceleyn that healing magic might be able to do something about scars, but if so, he had a lot of thinking to do.

Loren just rolled his eyes at Remi’s continuing insistence that he was a cute raccoon. It might very well be the case, but that didn’t mean the summoner was going to touch the alchemist any time soon. ”No you’re not, I healed you. Besides, I failed, so I don’t know what you’re complaining about. And you had teeth and claws. Teeth and claws Remi!” Maybe reminding the other man about that fact would get him to back off. ”And you can twist whatever you like as long as you show me these stupid doors. If you don’t I might get mad enough to send a puppy after you.” Given the alchemist’s apparent dislike of dogs, that threat might actually work.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"So this is the opposite of who you were, mm?" Amusement faded away to silent curiosity, wondering just how much of that was true. Unconsciously, for it was a mystery to be silently worked over, Remi did sometimes let him think about what it was that had drawn him to the summoner before. Whatever assumptions he'd made, he didn't quite believe Loren was now the opposite of who he'd been.

Giving Loren an antagonizing look, the alchemist merely huffed. "You never asked!" He trilled almost playfully. As it was, what Loren did and didn't want to know about the alchemist's life was still mostly a mystery. With a dubious look that said uh huh. still very convincing, Remi merely rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Well, yes. The blindness is magical, but the claws across my face were quite real." The alchemist replied, his fingers absently rubbing at skin free of the lines that had once been quite clear. "Yes. Healing magic." He confirmed with a nod, not making the leap between Loren's abilities and the multitude of scars on his body.

Scrunching his nose, Remi held up two fingers and nearly pushed them together. "Very small ones." He argued, not that it would make a lick of difference in this current debate. With an attempt at looking sulky, the alchemist stomped passed the summoner before pausing in the hall. "The...largest one, the one with the tunnel...I was actually blind when I first made it." He said glancing over his shoulder towards Loren. "It starts in a small room, the size of an office. There is a bookshelf on one wall and a large window on the wall to the left." Closing his eyes the alchemist tried to remember any other information his senses had collected during that strange day. "Do you know a room like that?"

LOREN

Remi’s question caught Loren off guard. He hesitated, deciding that he needed to think about it for a while rather than responding with some witty quip. ”I guess so. The opposite of nothing is something, isn’t it?” He gave the other man a chagrined smile. Given how lost the Launceleyn had been for so long—and given how he’d hardly known himself before his disappearance—he didn’t know who’d he’d been in the past, not really. And while he didn’t know who he was anymore either, he knew that he was finally on his way to whatever he was supposed to be. It was a start.

”Alright, alright, you’re right. Why and how were you cursed, then, if you don’t mind me asking?” The summoner wasn’t above admitting when he was wrong, surprising as that might be to the alchemist. Besides, the librarian was getting at least part of Remi’s story. Loren made a sympathetic noise at the small snippet the other man revealed. ”I’m sorry to hear that.” Still, the information about healing magic treating scars could be quite useful, although the summoner had no plans to erase the marks of his past. At least, not yet.

As Remi held up his fingers to demonstrate the size of his raccoon paws, Loren brought up his own hands in the shape of claws. ”Tiny, but fierce.” Laughing, he finished his tea and left the mugs in the sink, then followed the grumpy alchemist out of the kitchen. As the other man described the room where he’d placed the first tunnel, the Launceleyn nodded. He’d turned the manor upside when he first found out about the rooms, so he knew the layout fairly well by now. ”I know it. Follow me.” With that, they set off down the darkly decorated hallways, stopping now and then so Loren could point out one of the remaining crests to Remi.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"Oh hush." Remi said rolling his eyes. There were times of actually trying to solidify Loren's crumbled self-esteem, and then there was whatever this was. "You obviously were not nothing before." Or I would not have fallen in love with you. Though no physical expression could have communicated that thought as succinctly as words might have,  perhaps the way Remi's gaze lingered for a moment, how his eyes dropped to Loren's lips before being pulled immediately away, might have suggested it.

"Wow Loren, that is a really personal question for someone who does not even consider me a friend." Remi quipped with a crooked smile, winking at the summoner as he laughed. Clearing his throat softly, he looked down at his hands for a moment. "It..is a long story, I suppose. I tried to free someone from bonds they did not deserve. Not even the bond really, merely the collar. I just wanted the physical reminder gone...the witch who placed it there, Arduinna, appeared in an instant. I hadn't even time to say anything in my defense before she, Ianto, and my vision were gone." That he was left to die in the woods unable to get home, that it was Zariah of all people who had found him...Biting the inside of his lip to look up at Loren, he softly searched his almost-friend's gaze to see if more details were warranted or wanted.

"I still say adorably cuddly." Remi said with feigned defensiveness.

Following Loren down the hall (all the while debating whether to shift and leap at him, of course), the alchemist paused thoughtfully as the summoner drew them to a halt. Raising a hand, he let his fingertips softly move along the crest until it vanished entirely.

LOREN

There was no absolutely no way Loren was going to stay quiet, especially after Remi’s reaction. ”Is it that obvious? Because it’s not obvious to me, and I know it’s not obvious to you.” Seeing as the Launceleyn was not exactly looking for any signs of attraction or flirtation, he obviously missed the way the alchemist’s gaze lingered just a smidge too long. ”Besides, it doesn’t matter what I was or was not, since it’s ancient history.” And seeing as there was no way to change the past—at least as far as the Launceleyn knew, but maybe the gods knew differently—there didn’t seem to be much point discussing this any longer.

Now it was the summoner’s turn to roll his eyes. ”Fine. If I admit you are something more than a passing acquaintance to me will you pretty please tell me the story?” However, it apparently didn’t take that much to get Remi talking: the other man launched into his tale, and Loren listened to every word. Arduinna. He’d remember that name, and if he ever met the witch he’d see if he couldn’t persuade her to lift her curse. ”So. You were trying to do the right thing, as always. And you were punished for it.” The words were soft, and carried a great deal of sadness in them; it seemed horrible that one of the best people Loren had ever met, and man he'd loved once and still might, at least a little, would be dealt such a terrible hand by the gods or by fate or by sheer dumb bad luck.

”I say let’s agree to disagree.” As the other man wiped away the crest as if it had never been, Loren smiled. ”Thank you.” Then, they were at the room Remi had described. The Launceleyn held the door open before the alchemist then shut it gently behind them. It was finally time to deal with these ridiculous doors.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

The alchemist merely gave the Launceleyn an unwavering stare. This was one of those times that without the intuition that comes with actual friendship, Remi had nothing with which to guide him. And so, unhappily defeated, he simply sighed.

"Does passing acquaintance fall into other, or not-other territory?" Remi teased in response. Running a hand across his eyes, the alchemist shook his head doubtfully. "No apparently I was doing quite a stupid and naive thing." He muttered, not that any of those traits were mutually exclusive. But it hardly mattered now. It was done, Ianto nearly cursed Remi himself for trying to help and had all but banished the alchemist from his life.

With a small smile, ever ashamed of his magical talents in situations like this, Remi followed silently behind the summoner, halting at the threshold of the door. His gaze fell to the ground and it seemed as though he were listening or using some other sense, looking quite properly blind for perhaps the first time. Nervously his fingers trailed on the wood of the door-frame, before stepping in. Starting slightly as Loren closed the door, Remi looked over his shoulder with a nervous exhale, before looking at the bookshelf. "Right." He whispered more to himself before stepping forward.

With fingertips that seemed to have minds of their own, Remi softly touched the structure. Feathers ruffled through his curls though he hardly noticed them. Biting the inside of his cheek, his fingers fell onto an uninteresting volume of something or other. "The lock is behind here." He said softly, in a voice that sounded very far away. "And—" Reaching up to the top of the bookcase, standing on his toes and straining enough to make the muscles of his side stretch uncomfortably and his shirt to rise, something gave a loud clunking sound, and the bookshelf swung forward. Behind was an ornate door made of metal, and through the back of the bookshelf indeed there was a hole and a mechanism where a key could be entered.

"How do you want to do this?"

LOREN

”I think it’s an either, not an or, type situation, actually. So whatever I need it to.” As Remi commented that he had been acting foolishly, Loren shook his said. ”Some might say that it was brave and noble in addition to being reckless.” He wasn’t going to argue that the alchemist hadn’t made a mistake, but his heart had definitely been in the right place.

The Launceleyn tried not to stare at the strip of skin the alchemist revealed as he reached for the top of the bookshelf. Instead, he made sure to keep his eyes trained on the other man’s hands, which were fiddling with something. Then, the bookshelf swung open, revealing an ornate door and the librarian’s eyes widened. When Remi asked what they should do next, however, Loren bit his lip. ”Any idea what’s behind it?” Without more information, it was hard to know how to proceed. ”Since you don’t want to waste your magic on a key, I’d say break it down and hope.” It was a less than ideal plan, especially given that the summoner still wasn’t sure if his magic was good for anything yet. Regardless, he gestured for the alchemist to proceed.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"Well, you would be the first." Remi said with a sad smile, his shoulders slumping as if from a great weight.

Wrapping an arm across his chest and gripping his upper arm with his hand, the alchemist frowned softly, glancing between the summoner and the door. "A tunnel. It goes down, at least I think it does. It was much colder inside. Though perhaps Zariah was merely trying to mislead me." Pulling in a breath and trying not to clench his fingers together at the memory of his near-death here, he raised his gaze to the summoner trying to imagine a warmth in his bones that suddenly felt lacking.

"Loren, I do not want to argue, so I will do as you want. But.." The alchemist's voice was still small-sounding around the summoner's name, entirely without the confidence or boyish joviality of moments before. Swallowing, Remi pulled in another breath. "The keys work only for the abandoned. The point was to make a safe space for them, or at least, a space others could not follow. Anyone without magic who possesses a key cannot enter here." Remi paused, waiting to see if Loren understood what he was saying. "The LongNight creatures cannot enter here."

LOREN

Maybe Loren would be the first, and only, to remind Remi that his actions were not just kind, they were courageous. But if the Launceleyn had to he’d keep reminding the other man of that fact until even the modest alchemist believed it. That could wait for another day: for now, they had these hidden rooms to deal with. As Remi protested that they didn’t need to do anything about the doors, the summoner sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ”You asked me how I wanted to do it, so I gave you what I thought was the best approach.” Then his mind registered the other man’s posture, and Loren’s eyes narrowed. ”Are you okay?” The concern in his voice was apparent, but though he shifted his weight from side to side, he couldn’t bring himself to approach the alchemist.

Staring at the door, the librarian bit his lip, silent for a long moment. ”You’re just assuming the LongNight monsters can’t get through.” Sighing again, Loren leaned against the wall. ”Fine. I will trust your judgment. For now. Can you at least show me the other doors so that I know where they are?” At the very least they seemed to be hidden through mundane, rather than magical means. That would make barricading them easier.

Then something else Remi said fully registered to the summoner. Turning to the other man with haunted eyes, Loren smiled sadly. ”You know, I was thinking about making a safe space for the Abandoned as well. But not locked doors, hidden away where no one, not even those they were designed to protect could find them. Something else. Somewhere they could gather, and be themselves, be free, even if no one else would welcome them.” Looking down, he hugged himself. ”Us. Me.” He didn’t know what shape it would take, or even if it was feasible. However, if he figured out the answers to those elusive questions, he’d build it with his own two hands if he had to.

A beggar's book

outworths

a noble's blood

all our lives i watched you search beneath the fallen skies

"No, I know. I just wanted to make sure you.." Trailing off, the alchemist ran a hand through his curls. Rather than ruffling them as he so often did, he let his fingers tangle for a moment, feathers cropping up between his strained fingers. "Mmmm." He hummed unconvincingly. He wasn't okay. Not in this place, not with what had happened to him within these walls, but it didn't matter. Zariah was gone, and whatever Loren said about his lack of strength, Remi believed without a doubt he wouldn't be harmed again. Not without throwing himself at the other man, of course.

"I suppose I am assuming it, yes. But I did make these doors and the locks." Remi protested weakly. "All I meant was that instead of knocking it down, I could just make you another key. Knowing you have a fortified passage..." He shrugged. How necessary that was, was up to Loren. He wouldn't argue and would do what he was told. The alchemist simply wanted the summoner to have all the information before asking Remi to do something he couldn't easily fix.

Remi's eyes flitted up sadly as Loren said us, the corners of his mouth twitching gently. There were a few like the alchemist. For a time it was only he and Ashetta. Now Rexanna and Deimos had joined the motley group of outcasts as well, only...Only Remi was the only one who had done it all the wrong way. Who'd been cursed by his transition, rather than welcomed into it. "That sounds nice." He said through a voice suddenly quite thick. Clearing his throat he splayed his fingers, absently running his thumb across his palm. "Zariah tried to ban the word abandon." Did Loren know that? Remi didn't know, but suddenly the silence felt as though it needed filling. "She wanted to call—" Not us. You.. "—you the destined."