the monsters turned out to be just trees

The white sheep of the family

”So it’s not nothing then.” Remi could not have made it more obvious that there was still something lingering between the two of them and yet Loren supposedly couldn’t know what it was. Sadly, reading minds was not one of his magical talents, nor did he have any sort of link to tell him what the alchemist could possibly be thinking or feeling. So if the other man remained silent there was nothing the summoner could do. ”I don’t need them to be good. I just need you to say them.”

Any happiness he might’ve felt at this latest fresh start he’d been given had been irrevocably colored by Remi’s unwillingness to open up. And maybe the Launceleyn was still just tired for his spells. Or maybe just tired: he’d been through a lot in such a short period that he couldn’t help but feel drained from it. Still, for the other man’s sake the summoner tried to muster up a smile. ”That’s me. Blank.” His tone was gentle and teasing, which would hopefully convey that it was meant to be a joke, even if there was truth in it. ”Thank you.” Although Loren had already said that, he felt that he couldn’t ever say it enough.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

"Perhaps we have different definitions of nothing." Remi countered softly, his heart resuming a slow if not defeated rhythm in his chest. If it was obvious, then the summoner would know why he couldn't speak the words, why he couldn't give voice to the thoughts. And if it wasn't? If the Launceleyn really didn't know? Well, then to ask Remi to explain it would be a cruel, cruel type of punishment. "To say them." The alchemist repeated, eyes searching Loren's face. "Maybe in time." Just then, the alchemist wasn't feeling entirely brave, already felt far too vulnerable in a way he never had before.

Exhaling a puff of amused air, Remi nodded with a slow smile. "What do you want now? I can send a raven back to the manor to let Peter know where you are and stay here. Or I can go and find Wessex and see if she might be able to get you out. Or Amalia even, she seems to have a way with the fae."

The white sheep of the family

It was quite likely they had different notions on a lot of things. "Perhaps." Still, it seemed that this was the best Loren was going to get from Remi. Although the Launceleyn continued to search the other man’s face for signs of whatever this remaining barrier was, the summoner came up with nothing. ”In time. I’ll hold you to that.” But he wouldn’t press.

As for what he would do, Loren shrugged. ”I think I’ve already made enough poor life decisions today, so whatever you think is best. Though I really did mean it when I said I wanted someone to tell Beatrix and Jace that I’m sorry.” This was not a great start to his whole ‘not disappearing’ era of his life.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

Remi's brow furrowed gently, confusion melting over his boyish features. How do you really not know, he wanted to ask. But already today they'd gone from tentative hugs to hands on skin and fingers clasped so perhaps this step was simply one too much. It certainly didn't feel as though his soul could handle it, that his mind would make the right sort of choices in the moment. And so he gently nodded, swallowing down a lump of disappointment? relief? and merely sighed softly.

"I know." The alchemist said with a gentle nod, his fingers softly fumbling against one another as he balanced easily on the balls of his feet. "Well, the ravens will find Peter faster than I can, at any rate." Looking up towards the sky but not making a sound (not one Loren could hear anyways), a large raven suddenly descended down towards them, landing a few feet away. Producing canvas and charcoal, Remi glanced at Loren's hands for a moment and then decided perhaps it would be better if he wrote the note.

Diplomatic relations are taking longer than normal. Will be back in a few days, not to worry. With a glance towards the summoner for permission or approval, the alchemist offered the note to the raven, who took it within one of its talons. Looking into the creatures eyes, the alchemist imparted a description of Peter and the Launceleyn manor. With a cawww of understanding, the creature lifted itself from the pit and headed towards the Hollowed Grounds.

The white sheep of the family

The raven came and went. It was only as it had already flown away that Loren remembered that, well, there was a chance that Peter might not be at the Manor after all. ”Uh. I think Beatrix mentioned that Peter spends a lot of time at his boyfriend’s house, so he might not be home. Sorry, I forgot about that until just now.” He gave Remi a sheepish and apologetic smile, but it wasn’t like he kept tabs on anyone in the Manor (except for Beatrix and Jace so he could make sure they didn’t run away again).

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

"Do you know who his boyfriend is?" Remi asked quickly, sending a mental pulse to the raven to slow its flight should more instructions be incoming. The alchemist didn't know Peter well, having only met the man once when he was completely blind. But he'd certainly seen him around. What he hadn't seen was the skiddish man with anyone else.

"It is still strange to hear that sometimes." Remi said with a bashful sort of smile. "His boyfriend. And having that be alright."

The white sheep of the family

Loren realized that no, he didn’t know who Peter’s boyfriend was, and the summoner hung his head in embarrassment. ”No. Sorry.” He’d had exactly one conversation with the adopted Launceleyn, and they hadn’t really revealed much personal information, what with the whole trying to pummel each other with magic and more mundane means. At the mention that it was strange to hear of two men being together—which it was, though certainly a good kind of strange—Loren nodded and smiled, though it had a sad quality to it. ”But it’s nice that it is alright.” It really was wonderful that people could be together and love whoever they wanted without shame.

Assuming, of course, they let themselves express their love. Loren didn’t, couldn’t, because even after everything he’d said and done in this pit, there was still a small, secret, little voice in his mind telling him he’d never be worthy of such affection ever again.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

"Alright." Silently he instructed the raven to find Amalia, if it couldn't find Peter. He trusted the baker to do what was best for the children, regardless of her feelings about their last name and those who bore it before them.

"Mmm." The alchemist agreed with an equally sad smile. "You know, almost every other outlander I have met seems to think Northaven ways were...crazy." Ruffling a hand through his curls and withdrawing his wings, Remi shuffled towards the wall and slumped against it as Loren was. "On the one hand I suppose I agree, now, anyways." The summoner knowing better than most how rigidly the alchemist held to the principles of their strange society. "On the other..." He shrugged helplessly, glancing over his shoulder at Loren. "It was all I knew. I did not think it could be any different."

The white sheep of the family

”Well, I can’t say I blame them. They were certainly not designed to make people happy.” And they certainly seemed to have spawned their fair share of crazy people, the Launceleyns chief among them. Loren was under no illusion of that fact. However, when Remi began speaking about not knowing any better, not knowing it could be different, the summoner felt his breath hitch in and catch in his throat; suddenly, he couldn’t look at the alchemist, the memories that the other man lacked so clear and bright and painful as they rose in Loren’s mind. After all, he’d been the one to ask Remi to dream of a world like this.

And Remi had said no, at least at first.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

The alchemist shrugged, his optimism and naivety shining through. "I suppose I never thought that was the point. Not really. Now being a part of some of these conversations I...honestly, I have no idea what to think." Doing what was best wasn't always popular, but Remi didn't think he had the insight or experience to be able to say what that was. He didn't think any of them did, actually.

His eyes trained on Loren as they were, Remi noted the way the summoner seemed to pause and how his eyes traveled away. Frowning and wondering what it was he had said, the alchemist nudged the Launceleyn at his side softly. "What?" Then, with a bit of a smile he added, "So help me Loren if you say nothing.."

The white sheep of the family

It wasn’t the point, which was Loren’s point: Northaven hadn’t been designed to keep them happy, just to try and save a way of life that he wasn’t sure was worth saving anymore. ”It was supposed to keep our people alive. But I can’t help but wonder if it was actually living, or just surviving.” It certainly felt more like the latter than the former, at least to him.

”I thought we had different ideas about nothingness.” It was a weak attempt at a joke and at delaying the inevitable. Still, he knew that the alchemist wouldn’t let him get away with staying silent, so Loren ran a hand through his hair, trying to come up with something that would placate the other man without straying into territory neither of them wanted to venture into. Or at least the summoner didn’t. ”I’m just lonely.” It was too small a word to contain what he was actually feeling, but it was close and good enough.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

"Mmm." Remi hummed, his head tilting softly from side to side as he let his mind wrap around what the Launceleyn was saying. "That I was...just a cog in something bigger never seemed to be much of an injustice. At least, not until I came here and was suddenly flooded with choices about who and what I wanted to be and do." His shoulders shrugged gently. "I think perhaps it was different for me, as a commoner than for someone like you." Remi added gently.

"Oh." The alchemist said softly, colour flushing his cheeks as he too was forced to look away. Remi could only surmise based on their conversation of boyfriends and the like, that Loren wasn't talking about just friends or companions like Astra. "I.." He paused. Swallowed. Tried again. "..." Remi's expression went through several iterations before he just sighed, leaning his shoulder against Loren's and leaving it there. "I'm sorry." He said eventually, instead of all the things he should have said instead.

The white sheep of the family

It hurt to hear Remi speak about himself as just a cog, although it was tempered somewhat by his statement that he’d learned to be more than that. Loren was still struggling with that revelation himself, since he basically hadn’t reconciled what it meant for him to be in Caido and not Northaven, though he was definitely getting a crash course in that particular subject. Apparently pits were good for introspection and heartfelt conversations. Too bad Loren hated both of those things. ”Probably.” Remi had already expressed anger when Loren had tried to communicate that it wasn’t like the Launceleyn had an idyllic upbringing as a noble, so he figured it was probably best to steer clear of that conversation.

The expression and sounds coming from the other man would’ve been comical if the situation hadn’t been so unbelievably sad. ”You asked.” Loren’s voice came out in a soft whisper. However, as the alchemist’s shoulder came to rest against the summoner’s he couldn’t help but given Remi a pointed look. ”Seriously. Don’t apologize for that one. I think we can both agree it’s entirely my fault.” Both because the Launceleyn had been the one to disappear and because he wasn’t exactly open to love, even now. Maybe especially now.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

Loren wouldn't be able to see, by inside of his boots the alchemist's toes curled uncertainly as he nibbled the inside of his lip. Feathers sprouted in his curls as he too contemplated the heart-to-heart qualities of the pit and whether or not it was wise to give in to them. "Well...Edy said...when you left that.." It was a weird sort of emotional turmoil to have your emotions dictated by things you were told to remember, rather than their actual occurrences. And so the strange discomfort the alchemist felt in his chest and the chill in his belly was perhaps not as strong as it might have been; only a shadow of the actual emotion. "..well. You were with someone."

Trying not to look as uncomfortable as he was actually feeling, Remi squinted up at the Deepfrost sun and let it burn away everything he could see. "A sex cave is where she described you." He added with a healthy gulp.