The white sheep of the family
Well, that backfired spectacularly on Loren. Sighing, he gave Remi an apologetic look. ”Of course you matter. You matter even more because you’re a good person.” Maybe the Launceleyn should stop trying to protect the alchemist and just accept that the other man was going to stubbornly remain a part of the summoner’s life, whether he liked it or not. But after so long being denied such simple kindness and affection, he found it nearly impossible to accept. Hugging himself, he found tears springing to his own eyes. ”It’s not what I want. But the only love I’ve ever known has been conditional, Remi.” Remi didn’t remember the summoner and he constantly forgot exactly what that entailed.
Well, it was past time to rectify that. He'd been hoping that somehow he could avoid revealing this part of himself. But lies of omissions were still lies, and he'd promised to be honest. Closing his eyes, Loren took a deep shuddering breath, before rolling up his sleeves, heedless of the cold, exposing scars that he wasn’t sure the other man could see. At least the summoner had gotten several practice runs at this explanation.
Not that it would make it any easier.
”My family tortured me growing up. From when I was five, the day I first displayed magic. Because I wasn’t strong enough. Because I wasn’t obedient enough. Because I wasn’t good enough. The people who were supposed to love me unconditionally didn’t. Instead they used their magic to hurt me, again, and again, and again. Locked me in a cell far less comfortable than this to teach me to obey orders and not complain or show weakness, put me out in the wilderness and the cold and the heat to teach me to take care of myself, to stand alone, to be a soldier. I was never supposed to be anything more than a weapon for the crown and never supposed to do anything more than fight and produce more Launceleyns. And yes, they professed to love me. But it was a twisted, dark, and evil love.” Surprisingly, the tears didn’t fall, and his tone came out hollow instead of sad. ”So yes, Remi. I think there needs to be something good in me for others to care. Because I don’t know anything else. Because I was never enough.” Even the brief moments of happiness the Launceleyn had known—most of them with Remi—had been fraught, hard fought, with some complication or another getting in the way.
And he was so tired of fighting everything and everyone. Better to stay in this pit than keep getting his hopes up.
Well, it was past time to rectify that. He'd been hoping that somehow he could avoid revealing this part of himself. But lies of omissions were still lies, and he'd promised to be honest. Closing his eyes, Loren took a deep shuddering breath, before rolling up his sleeves, heedless of the cold, exposing scars that he wasn’t sure the other man could see. At least the summoner had gotten several practice runs at this explanation.
Not that it would make it any easier.
”My family tortured me growing up. From when I was five, the day I first displayed magic. Because I wasn’t strong enough. Because I wasn’t obedient enough. Because I wasn’t good enough. The people who were supposed to love me unconditionally didn’t. Instead they used their magic to hurt me, again, and again, and again. Locked me in a cell far less comfortable than this to teach me to obey orders and not complain or show weakness, put me out in the wilderness and the cold and the heat to teach me to take care of myself, to stand alone, to be a soldier. I was never supposed to be anything more than a weapon for the crown and never supposed to do anything more than fight and produce more Launceleyns. And yes, they professed to love me. But it was a twisted, dark, and evil love.” Surprisingly, the tears didn’t fall, and his tone came out hollow instead of sad. ”So yes, Remi. I think there needs to be something good in me for others to care. Because I don’t know anything else. Because I was never enough.” Even the brief moments of happiness the Launceleyn had known—most of them with Remi—had been fraught, hard fought, with some complication or another getting in the way.
And he was so tired of fighting everything and everyone. Better to stay in this pit than keep getting his hopes up.
Will blood tell
